My grandmother wandered up to me this morning holding her wrist. I wondered what was wrong but before I could ask she said, "I'm going nuts-o."
Okay... I thought. What now? "What happened?"
"I lost my watch." She pulled back the sleeve of her pink sweater to show me her wrist. "I can't find it."
Indeed, the watch, the little silver one she always had, was missing. We searched everywhere - the computer room, the fridge, the freezer, the big freezer in the utility room, the pantry, her purse, the couch, her bedroom and closet - and found nothing. Apparently, she had just noticed the watch was gone and we have no way of knowing when she lost it or where.
(EDIT: Though apparently it wasn't too long ago, seeing as she just found it under the nightstand. W00T~)
So that was this morning's installment of weirdness.
Also, a note to self for future reference: Don't randomly decide to do Script Frenzy when you're moving in, like, three days! Idiot! *sigh* Well, at least it'll force you to get something done... And it is a cool story...
Anywho, I can't start on that until midnight (by which time I will likely be asleep) so that's gonna be kicking around in my brain for a few hours. That's probably not a good thing considering I would like to sleep at some point before the trip.
I'm feeling better and worse at the same time and I'm not sure what to do with that. I guess just be happy about the 46.8% that's better?
Yeah. That's probably for the best.
I think I just need to start on something. I realise I've had this revelation so many times before but here it is again. I was getting so much done when I was paying attention to the months and I had a goal. Doing that for even (not quite) a year made me better. So maybe, and stay with me on this, I just need to keep working so that I feel like working. Huh.
Maybe that's it. I hope so, anyway. I think I might be able to do that.
(The project is a horror film script for a project called Obscura. Because images. In my head. And the fact that I have three (technically four) days until 'moving day' and OMGWTFBBQ! That's basically how I'm feeling right now. I wonder if last-minute panic is actually a good thing for me? I mean I have a title, basic plot and a rough idea of the opening scene all in the space of... an hour? That usually doesn't happen. But anyway. I'm going to go eat and then maybe plan. Or pack. Packing things might be a good idea. Eep.)
See ya~
31.3.12
30.3.12
Four Days Before
Yeah, quick lesson: Don't watch short horror stories on YouTube. Drew Daywalt, eff you and your short films, Sir. (His films are pretty good, though...)
On the upside, ideas, ideas, ideas and visuals (as much as I may hate them at times) help if I'm trying to combine elements and things like that.
But anyway... Four days. Excuse me, I'm going to step outside and freak out now.
But at least I have writing. And books. And anime. Those things help.
I haven't even packed things up yet... That's bad. Still need to bleach my teeth too. Not looking forward to that. In fact I'm just kind of 'ick' in general and have been for several days. I'm not sure if it's stress or what but I wish it would go away.
I also wish I had something more interesting to say. The most interesting thing I've done today is gone into town and picked up 'The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest', followed a character RP tumblr, and managed to outline a little. That is not that interesting to most of the population. (Of course, A) most of the population isn't reading this and B) I didn't really set out to be interesting so... that doesn't actually matter that much, I guess.)
Still, what is my life? Really?
I don't have too much longer until it's 'Into the truck with you!' so I think it's fair to say I'm a little stressed about that. I have to pack things up and do laundry and all that stuff I keep putting off because my stomach hurts and I feel sluggish. Once again, ick.
So I'm going to stop whining at you guys now and... do something. Maybe write? I think I need to...
See ya~
On the upside, ideas, ideas, ideas and visuals (as much as I may hate them at times) help if I'm trying to combine elements and things like that.
But anyway... Four days. Excuse me, I'm going to step outside and freak out now.
But at least I have writing. And books. And anime. Those things help.
I haven't even packed things up yet... That's bad. Still need to bleach my teeth too. Not looking forward to that. In fact I'm just kind of 'ick' in general and have been for several days. I'm not sure if it's stress or what but I wish it would go away.
I also wish I had something more interesting to say. The most interesting thing I've done today is gone into town and picked up 'The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest', followed a character RP tumblr, and managed to outline a little. That is not that interesting to most of the population. (Of course, A) most of the population isn't reading this and B) I didn't really set out to be interesting so... that doesn't actually matter that much, I guess.)
Still, what is my life? Really?
I don't have too much longer until it's 'Into the truck with you!' so I think it's fair to say I'm a little stressed about that. I have to pack things up and do laundry and all that stuff I keep putting off because my stomach hurts and I feel sluggish. Once again, ick.
So I'm going to stop whining at you guys now and... do something. Maybe write? I think I need to...
See ya~
28.3.12
Six days Before
In the interest of not writing such a long-ass blog post this time, I give you this:
Testicles.
That is all.
*End*
Actually, no, that's not going to work because I have way too much locked up in my head right now. To avoid rambling, what it all boils down to is that writing keeps me sane and I haven't been writing as much lately. I think it's starting to show. I feel like it is anyway.
So, I'm going to go see if I can't figure something out with my writing (I have so much I can do, why the hell am I not doing it? Really, am I that lazy and irresponsible that I can't write 6,000 words?) I've had a headache all day and I just want to punch something right now. I think I'm going to go kill a fictional bad guy - that usually helps when I'm mad at myself.
Off to maybe stop being so annoyed with myself.
＿〆(。。) < Scribble Scribble
Testicles.
That is all.
*End*
Actually, no, that's not going to work because I have way too much locked up in my head right now. To avoid rambling, what it all boils down to is that writing keeps me sane and I haven't been writing as much lately. I think it's starting to show. I feel like it is anyway.
So, I'm going to go see if I can't figure something out with my writing (I have so much I can do, why the hell am I not doing it? Really, am I that lazy and irresponsible that I can't write 6,000 words?) I've had a headache all day and I just want to punch something right now. I think I'm going to go kill a fictional bad guy - that usually helps when I'm mad at myself.
Off to maybe stop being so annoyed with myself.
＿〆(。。) < Scribble Scribble
27.3.12
Seven Days Before
*For simplicity's sake, the wall of freak-out spazzing has been removed.*
Warning: Long blog post ahead. Please check attention span, sleep and snack status before continuing.
Aw, you seem sad. Today's a happy day~!
At least, without people being stupid on the internet. This is why I'm friends with people who can hold civil debates with each other without fighting. I love people like that.
I'm thinking the City in my head works like this: (It's an opt-in law.) When an author publishes something, that version of the story and relating material is hers. BUT. Other versions, including fan interpretations of the same characters in the same universe belong to those fans. You own your version, not everyone else's. This means no publishing the original, canon material but fan stories, art, artbooks, fan comics, etc. are fine - fine to make and fine to sell. This is because A) if there is someone out there who can do the series in a different way and do it better, I think they should be handling it, for the sake of the story and B) if the fan work isn't up to snuff, it'll die a quiet death in the market. The audience is often the best gauge, in that sense. Art doesn't belong to the artist, it belongs to the community. Does that mean I think copyright law is stupid? No, not really. I would want my original material protected to a point (like, I don't like people making money of off something that is entirely mine, (work, time, effort and all) but to me that applies to the original canon material, not the offshoots. If I can't involve the audience in some way... well, I think I'd feel rather lonely.)
I realise I'm way, way in the minority here but I think people forget just how important your audience, your fans, are in the process. As I've said before, I don't really care what you write, I care that you write.
So there's that. Personally, I think copyright law, at least in the US, has gotten a little insane and if and when I am famous, I would like to call attention to it - likely by allowing the things stated above with at least a good portion of my work. I like open universes; they're great fun.
Of course, this is all speculation. I guess I'm just not as worried about 'This is mine' as most people are. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, really, but it's there.
I guess I'm just seeing that a lot of really talented writers get shoved aside because they do fan stories. Now, to do a fan story well, you have to stay in character (or believably out of character). To do that, you have to understand a character, which is a wonderful habit to get into, whatever you're writing. If nothing else, writing a lot forces you to improve. It makes you think, it makes you change things around and it makes you pay attention.
I guess I just want a more open world in terms of creativity and community than the one we have right now. Allowing the fans to jump in and get their hands dirty allows for this kind of background collaboration in which the most popular (and in dealing with fandoms, popular often does mean 'more thought out') theories to rise to the top and be noticed as they're used more and more and accepted more and more as a kind of shadow canon that reflects the fans much more than reflecting the original author's own mind, as the original material did. While canon belongs to the author and is a reflection of them and their inner world, this collaboration and shadow canon (fanon) is a reflection of the fans' interconnected world. If nothing else this can add layers and angles to character and world interpretations that might not have existed on this 'fandom and author connected conscious' scale without the background collaboration created by allowing the fans in in a much more active way than as the passive consumers of media that are typical now.
I think the creative community in general benefits not from pandering to our fans and changing things we don't want to change but from listening to our fans. Often times the fandom will pick up on character quirks and elements that authors fail to see because of their emotional proximity to the work. This can help to clean up future volumes or future stand-alone books in terms of character and interaction. This can work even in closed universes where discussion of the work is allowed and encouraged. As always, the key is take everything into account before you rule out any interpretation.
Open Universe or Closed Universe Licenses would be a simple way to tell which authors and artists encourage fan involvement and which do not. It also clears up the issue of different works under different licenses by the same author. For example, this:
is pretty clear. This took me all of three minutes and a quick search of NASA's images. Admittedly, this is grainy and not that professional-looking but it gets the point across. A version can also be made to say 'This work is placed under a Closed Universe License. Fan work is not allowed.' It's simple and quick and clear - no real legalese to sift through. These could even be made to specify a different version of the license. Say, 1.0 is fan stories and fan art allowed but no cosplay costumes, while version 1.2 allows cosplay and character or world-inspired fashion. Version 2.0 allows all of that but restricts fan films while 2.5 allows them. Attribution would work in much the same way, with a license containing how the original should be mentioned - 'Based on the world/novel', 'Inspired by', etc.
That may get confusing but having an agreement for artists who want the input but aren't too keen on leaving the world completely open, it may strike a good balance.
What it boils down to is this: Art, while great fun, a wonderful means of expression and perfectly viable even if kept completely to one's self, thrives when shared and changed. The climate in the publishing world is changing as publishers begin to notice writers that haven't been knocking on their door for months already. Who's to say the future isn't with the artists themselves?
Of course all of this is rather irrelevant currently unless someone wants to start it up. I don't really expect that but it would be nice, still...
All right. Now that's out of the way. I'm sorry for the length of this but apparently I had a lot to say on this topic. I guess I just feel that things are too locked down and separated as they are, is all. It's as though authors are the only people socially allowed to really enjoy all certain and potential elements of certain fictional characters because they wrote about them first.
*End of Serious Post*
So... yeah. I have my U.F.O. license! (Yes, it's a dollar twenty-five, little laminated thing and it makes me smile so shut up.) And today... today a text post I made got like 4 notes. I know that's not much but it's several for a text post that wasn't a really relatable (that doesn't even look right and probably isn't) quote or something. So EEEE!
I want to work on a story. Thing is it's a creepy story. Normally, that's just fine but this one... ugh. In a psychological way.
It's getting close to three here and I should probably eat. I hope I made some degree of sense in this post, even if you don't agree with me. I know Creative Commons is kind of a similar thing but it often doesn't quite cover what I'm looking for so I figured why not do something else? Besides I like the idea and it's my blog so there.
Yeah. I'm probably going to scrounge around the kitchen, hopefully find something to help my stomach, and then...maybe outline? Maybe.
See ya~
Warning: Long blog post ahead. Please check attention span, sleep and snack status before continuing.
Aw, you seem sad. Today's a happy day~!
At least, without people being stupid on the internet. This is why I'm friends with people who can hold civil debates with each other without fighting. I love people like that.
I'm thinking the City in my head works like this: (It's an opt-in law.) When an author publishes something, that version of the story and relating material is hers. BUT. Other versions, including fan interpretations of the same characters in the same universe belong to those fans. You own your version, not everyone else's. This means no publishing the original, canon material but fan stories, art, artbooks, fan comics, etc. are fine - fine to make and fine to sell. This is because A) if there is someone out there who can do the series in a different way and do it better, I think they should be handling it, for the sake of the story and B) if the fan work isn't up to snuff, it'll die a quiet death in the market. The audience is often the best gauge, in that sense. Art doesn't belong to the artist, it belongs to the community. Does that mean I think copyright law is stupid? No, not really. I would want my original material protected to a point (like, I don't like people making money of off something that is entirely mine, (work, time, effort and all) but to me that applies to the original canon material, not the offshoots. If I can't involve the audience in some way... well, I think I'd feel rather lonely.)
I realise I'm way, way in the minority here but I think people forget just how important your audience, your fans, are in the process. As I've said before, I don't really care what you write, I care that you write.
So there's that. Personally, I think copyright law, at least in the US, has gotten a little insane and if and when I am famous, I would like to call attention to it - likely by allowing the things stated above with at least a good portion of my work. I like open universes; they're great fun.
Of course, this is all speculation. I guess I'm just not as worried about 'This is mine' as most people are. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, really, but it's there.
I guess I'm just seeing that a lot of really talented writers get shoved aside because they do fan stories. Now, to do a fan story well, you have to stay in character (or believably out of character). To do that, you have to understand a character, which is a wonderful habit to get into, whatever you're writing. If nothing else, writing a lot forces you to improve. It makes you think, it makes you change things around and it makes you pay attention.
I guess I just want a more open world in terms of creativity and community than the one we have right now. Allowing the fans to jump in and get their hands dirty allows for this kind of background collaboration in which the most popular (and in dealing with fandoms, popular often does mean 'more thought out') theories to rise to the top and be noticed as they're used more and more and accepted more and more as a kind of shadow canon that reflects the fans much more than reflecting the original author's own mind, as the original material did. While canon belongs to the author and is a reflection of them and their inner world, this collaboration and shadow canon (fanon) is a reflection of the fans' interconnected world. If nothing else this can add layers and angles to character and world interpretations that might not have existed on this 'fandom and author connected conscious' scale without the background collaboration created by allowing the fans in in a much more active way than as the passive consumers of media that are typical now.
I think the creative community in general benefits not from pandering to our fans and changing things we don't want to change but from listening to our fans. Often times the fandom will pick up on character quirks and elements that authors fail to see because of their emotional proximity to the work. This can help to clean up future volumes or future stand-alone books in terms of character and interaction. This can work even in closed universes where discussion of the work is allowed and encouraged. As always, the key is take everything into account before you rule out any interpretation.
Open Universe or Closed Universe Licenses would be a simple way to tell which authors and artists encourage fan involvement and which do not. It also clears up the issue of different works under different licenses by the same author. For example, this:
is pretty clear. This took me all of three minutes and a quick search of NASA's images. Admittedly, this is grainy and not that professional-looking but it gets the point across. A version can also be made to say 'This work is placed under a Closed Universe License. Fan work is not allowed.' It's simple and quick and clear - no real legalese to sift through. These could even be made to specify a different version of the license. Say, 1.0 is fan stories and fan art allowed but no cosplay costumes, while version 1.2 allows cosplay and character or world-inspired fashion. Version 2.0 allows all of that but restricts fan films while 2.5 allows them. Attribution would work in much the same way, with a license containing how the original should be mentioned - 'Based on the world/novel', 'Inspired by', etc.
That may get confusing but having an agreement for artists who want the input but aren't too keen on leaving the world completely open, it may strike a good balance.
What it boils down to is this: Art, while great fun, a wonderful means of expression and perfectly viable even if kept completely to one's self, thrives when shared and changed. The climate in the publishing world is changing as publishers begin to notice writers that haven't been knocking on their door for months already. Who's to say the future isn't with the artists themselves?
Of course all of this is rather irrelevant currently unless someone wants to start it up. I don't really expect that but it would be nice, still...
All right. Now that's out of the way. I'm sorry for the length of this but apparently I had a lot to say on this topic. I guess I just feel that things are too locked down and separated as they are, is all. It's as though authors are the only people socially allowed to really enjoy all certain and potential elements of certain fictional characters because they wrote about them first.
*End of Serious Post*
So... yeah. I have my U.F.O. license! (Yes, it's a dollar twenty-five, little laminated thing and it makes me smile so shut up.) And today... today a text post I made got like 4 notes. I know that's not much but it's several for a text post that wasn't a really relatable (that doesn't even look right and probably isn't) quote or something. So EEEE!
I want to work on a story. Thing is it's a creepy story. Normally, that's just fine but this one... ugh. In a psychological way.
It's getting close to three here and I should probably eat. I hope I made some degree of sense in this post, even if you don't agree with me. I know Creative Commons is kind of a similar thing but it often doesn't quite cover what I'm looking for so I figured why not do something else? Besides I like the idea and it's my blog so there.
Yeah. I'm probably going to scrounge around the kitchen, hopefully find something to help my stomach, and then...maybe outline? Maybe.
See ya~
26.3.12
Eight Days Before
Where did the time go? 0.o
Really? Even basically keeping this day by day doesn't really help - I'm still like wait, what?
It doesn't help that most of the scenes I can come up with in my head right now tend to lead me to think 'Remind me to kill you in your sleep' at at least one of the characters.
I'm just a bundle of nerves and crazy right now... and my stomach hurts.
But I've been reading manga and generally ignoring my problems with the world at large so it's all good. And there are so many problems to be ignored.
I usually try to have at least something to say in these things but aside from the fact that fictional characters fascinate me, I have a weird stance on what I'd allow (legally) people to do with any writing of mine that was actually sold and that I'm very, very tired due to other people's jackassery, there isn't much for me to say.
So... yeah. I'm gonna go try to stay awake now.
See ya~
(OMG A WEEK LEFT TOMORROW GAH)
</sleepyblogpost>
Really? Even basically keeping this day by day doesn't really help - I'm still like wait, what?
It doesn't help that most of the scenes I can come up with in my head right now tend to lead me to think 'Remind me to kill you in your sleep' at at least one of the characters.
I'm just a bundle of nerves and crazy right now... and my stomach hurts.
But I've been reading manga and generally ignoring my problems with the world at large so it's all good. And there are so many problems to be ignored.
I usually try to have at least something to say in these things but aside from the fact that fictional characters fascinate me, I have a weird stance on what I'd allow (legally) people to do with any writing of mine that was actually sold and that I'm very, very tired due to other people's jackassery, there isn't much for me to say.
So... yeah. I'm gonna go try to stay awake now.
See ya~
(OMG A WEEK LEFT TOMORROW GAH)
</sleepyblogpost>
25.3.12
Nine Days Before
My geekery knows no bounds, it seems. I'm actually (kind of) learning one conlang and working on my own. (Geek Level: Writer)
Oh well ^^ It's fun even though I'm like, 'Wow... This is probably why I don't have many friends IRL.'
I mean, I figured up a 'translation' for an exchange that only exists in the outline right now. When Kelsey tells Jack her name in the 'English version', he repeats it back as 'Kelly' and she gets annoyed. In the 'Original (conlang) version', it's because he comes back with 'Kelsen' or 'Troublemaker' (a word with similar connotations to 'punk').
This is the kind of information my brain gives me.
Also, the Arka and Espranto conlangs can be used commercially. Hello, translations done out of boredom and possibly sold to other geeks.
Did you know I've watched 26 anime series and movies total? I didn't either but I have. Huh.
My legs hurt and I don't know why. So I'm going to limp to the kitchen for food and then maybe drag my computer out to the table. Not sure on that yet but maybe. Sometimes I can get a lot done out there, other times it's just too loud.
*scurries away to plan fictional crimes*
Oh well ^^ It's fun even though I'm like, 'Wow... This is probably why I don't have many friends IRL.'
I mean, I figured up a 'translation' for an exchange that only exists in the outline right now. When Kelsey tells Jack her name in the 'English version', he repeats it back as 'Kelly' and she gets annoyed. In the 'Original (conlang) version', it's because he comes back with 'Kelsen' or 'Troublemaker' (a word with similar connotations to 'punk').
This is the kind of information my brain gives me.
Also, the Arka and Espranto conlangs can be used commercially. Hello, translations done out of boredom and possibly sold to other geeks.
Did you know I've watched 26 anime series and movies total? I didn't either but I have. Huh.
My legs hurt and I don't know why. So I'm going to limp to the kitchen for food and then maybe drag my computer out to the table. Not sure on that yet but maybe. Sometimes I can get a lot done out there, other times it's just too loud.
*scurries away to plan fictional crimes*
24.3.12
Ten Days Before
I'm going to sum this up for you in one sound: 'NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!' *flails into walls*
Yeah. I'm freaked out. So much so that I'm listening to geeks (like me) talking about anime and manga. They're actually bringing up a lot of good points about dubs and adaptations and translations and things. Awesome ^^
I had a cheese sandwich and that makes me happy. Because apparently I'm easy to please.
I really should be packing or something, I guess. Clearly that's not going to happen because I'm very lazy but I probably should be. Clothes, books and maybe a few DVDs. That's about all aside from basic trip stuff (toothpaste and the like).
I started thinking a while ago about fashion and subcultures. Because that's just what I do. I figured out that I don't really fit subcultures. (Yes, you read that right. I am too weird for subcultures.) Basically, I take things that I like from the ones I run across and leave the rest if it doesn't fit me. Like, fashion-wise I'm somewhere between goth, cybergoth, steampunk, cyberpunk, J-Rock, Victorian and what I've termed 'cyberpop' and 'cyber-andro' (or andro-punk), respectively. Basically if I think something's shiny and pretty and interesting/cool, I'll probably wear it if I can get my hands on it/make it.
I just noticed that I need to check my email more often. I also noticed just how many of my stories have a crime/mystery element to them. This could be a very good thing.
So, I think I'm going to go and possibly work on... something productive. What, I don't know but something.
See ya~!
Yeah. I'm freaked out. So much so that I'm listening to geeks (like me) talking about anime and manga. They're actually bringing up a lot of good points about dubs and adaptations and translations and things. Awesome ^^
I had a cheese sandwich and that makes me happy. Because apparently I'm easy to please.
I really should be packing or something, I guess. Clearly that's not going to happen because I'm very lazy but I probably should be. Clothes, books and maybe a few DVDs. That's about all aside from basic trip stuff (toothpaste and the like).
I started thinking a while ago about fashion and subcultures. Because that's just what I do. I figured out that I don't really fit subcultures. (Yes, you read that right. I am too weird for subcultures.) Basically, I take things that I like from the ones I run across and leave the rest if it doesn't fit me. Like, fashion-wise I'm somewhere between goth, cybergoth, steampunk, cyberpunk, J-Rock, Victorian and what I've termed 'cyberpop' and 'cyber-andro' (or andro-punk), respectively. Basically if I think something's shiny and pretty and interesting/cool, I'll probably wear it if I can get my hands on it/make it.
I just noticed that I need to check my email more often. I also noticed just how many of my stories have a crime/mystery element to them. This could be a very good thing.
So, I think I'm going to go and possibly work on... something productive. What, I don't know but something.
See ya~!
23.3.12
Eleven Days Before
Rather liking Rotersand right now. Cool band is cool. War on Error sparks way too many scene ideas though.
This is what my mind does: I had the idea to take graham crackers, melt chocolate and get/make that strawberry/raspberry filling you get in doughnuts, then throw that in a thick layer on one cracker, run veins of chocolate through it, press the second cracker on top and seal the things around the edges with the chocolate. Chill it so it doesn't make so much of a mess and then eat the hell out of it.
Yeah.
I'm hungry. Can you tell?
Hopefully, I can stay awake until around noon or one today. That should help my schedule out quite a bit.
BRB - *dancing like a freak to Tanz die Revolution*
You know, if I can focus on one story at a time, it's easier. From there I can go one story arc at a time an then one chapter at a time and that should help.
I'm just figuring things out all over the place today. Now all I have to do is... well, do them. And therein lies the problem.
This has officially gotten rambly and stupid, I think, now. You can tell I'm tired. I'm not, actually (although I am contradicting myself a lot). Which is weird considering I've been up since about 6 last night.
This is going nowhere...
I'll see you guys later when I have something other than music to talk about. Even talking about writing at length would be favourable to this. *sigh* Maybe I can go beg for food? That seems like a good idea.
*crickets*
I'm just kind of freaking out and trying to kill time, I think. I suddenly don't want to sleep but I kind of expected that, to be fair. I'll crash eventually. For now I'm in that weird state where you kind of want to work but you're too tired to.
I actually wound up thinking about whether Tiger and Bunny has the potential to be an anime classic. I mean, it's a much more nuanced and layered, character-driven story than I think I've ever seen in anime. It has that potential at least. Added onto that, it seems to have opened the doors in a very non-obvious way to characters that are not straight/white/male/cis-gender/ and in general don't 'fit in' in that sense. I've never seen that done in such a simple, non-obvious way before. Aside from all of the fans and all of the debate surrounding the show, I think there's potential just from that.
If nothing else, I think I'd say it has potential if for nothing else than the fact that it got people talking.
But that's just me, of course. And now, I'm going to go beg for food and then maybe sleep. At some point.
See ya~!
This is what my mind does: I had the idea to take graham crackers, melt chocolate and get/make that strawberry/raspberry filling you get in doughnuts, then throw that in a thick layer on one cracker, run veins of chocolate through it, press the second cracker on top and seal the things around the edges with the chocolate. Chill it so it doesn't make so much of a mess and then eat the hell out of it.
Yeah.
I'm hungry. Can you tell?
Hopefully, I can stay awake until around noon or one today. That should help my schedule out quite a bit.
BRB - *dancing like a freak to Tanz die Revolution*
You know, if I can focus on one story at a time, it's easier. From there I can go one story arc at a time an then one chapter at a time and that should help.
I'm just figuring things out all over the place today. Now all I have to do is... well, do them. And therein lies the problem.
This has officially gotten rambly and stupid, I think, now. You can tell I'm tired. I'm not, actually (although I am contradicting myself a lot). Which is weird considering I've been up since about 6 last night.
This is going nowhere...
I'll see you guys later when I have something other than music to talk about. Even talking about writing at length would be favourable to this. *sigh* Maybe I can go beg for food? That seems like a good idea.
*crickets*
I'm just kind of freaking out and trying to kill time, I think. I suddenly don't want to sleep but I kind of expected that, to be fair. I'll crash eventually. For now I'm in that weird state where you kind of want to work but you're too tired to.
I actually wound up thinking about whether Tiger and Bunny has the potential to be an anime classic. I mean, it's a much more nuanced and layered, character-driven story than I think I've ever seen in anime. It has that potential at least. Added onto that, it seems to have opened the doors in a very non-obvious way to characters that are not straight/white/male/cis-gender/ and in general don't 'fit in' in that sense. I've never seen that done in such a simple, non-obvious way before. Aside from all of the fans and all of the debate surrounding the show, I think there's potential just from that.
If nothing else, I think I'd say it has potential if for nothing else than the fact that it got people talking.
But that's just me, of course. And now, I'm going to go beg for food and then maybe sleep. At some point.
See ya~!
22.3.12
Twelve Days Before
I believe the correct term for this feeling of low-grade panic is 'Shit just got real'.
I think maybe staying up for a little while today (like until maybe ten or eleven) and then sleeping and then staying up later the next day and flipping my schedule in stages might be easier/more effective. I hope so at least, because I am cold and tired and I want to curl up somewhere warm and not move for a few hours.
Not much has been happening lately, aside from stress, stress and more stress. I've been having this issue where I know that I should be working (sometimes I even want to work) but I just can't seem to focus long enough to get anything done. I don't know what this is but it's not fun.
This isn't really a new occurrence it's just really, really annoying right now. I do get the feeling that things will just work differently once we get moved and settled. I'm not sure why, I just think that will be the case. Possibly because, much like a Victorian heroine, the temperature affects my temperament.
I started thinking as I stared around my room earlier, figuring up what I want to take. Thankfully, there isn't much that I really need aside from basic stuff on this first trip. Room is always good when moving.
I think I'll probably be asleep soon so I hope my day-living readers have a wonderful day and I will try to check in again when I'm slightly less nocturnal... hopefully with an actual point.
OMG, only twelve days left? *hyperventilates* *froths at the mouth* *falls over*
I'm okay. *twitch*
I think maybe staying up for a little while today (like until maybe ten or eleven) and then sleeping and then staying up later the next day and flipping my schedule in stages might be easier/more effective. I hope so at least, because I am cold and tired and I want to curl up somewhere warm and not move for a few hours.
Not much has been happening lately, aside from stress, stress and more stress. I've been having this issue where I know that I should be working (sometimes I even want to work) but I just can't seem to focus long enough to get anything done. I don't know what this is but it's not fun.
This isn't really a new occurrence it's just really, really annoying right now. I do get the feeling that things will just work differently once we get moved and settled. I'm not sure why, I just think that will be the case. Possibly because, much like a Victorian heroine, the temperature affects my temperament.
I started thinking as I stared around my room earlier, figuring up what I want to take. Thankfully, there isn't much that I really need aside from basic stuff on this first trip. Room is always good when moving.
I think I'll probably be asleep soon so I hope my day-living readers have a wonderful day and I will try to check in again when I'm slightly less nocturnal... hopefully with an actual point.
OMG, only twelve days left? *hyperventilates* *froths at the mouth* *falls over*
I'm okay. *twitch*
21.3.12
Thirteen Days Before
I found a recipe for Red Velvet Cheesecake Bars. I just... I can't even... I need to learn to bake.
I also have a headache because I jabbed myself in the nose with my nail and I bled a little. And I just ate a small travel-sized container of peanut butter. So there's that.
I spent a little while trying to figure out Carmen's vocal range... Great, except for the fact that he's not a singer. (Well, he sort of is in that he was classically trained from a fairly young age, has a very good range and is in fact quite good in general - his high notes are clear and strong and he doesn't have to strain for most soprano notes, partially thanks to his experience modulating his voice to pass as female - it's just not a main element of the story.) This is the kind of background I give my characters... not sure if that's good or bad. >.> And I still kind of want to learn French and Russian because of him.
I'm a mess of fictional characters and tangled plots and I'm pretty sure I'm hemorrhaging motivation is what I'm trying to say.
I had a weird idea for this online role-play/ARG thing that was basically participant-run aside from the basic rules and laws of the world. I'm kind of hoping I can find a use for it because it's a cool idea.
I finally thought to pull up my calculator and run the numbers on some of my potential stories. Even at 2,000 words a chapter (and I can say a fair bit in 2,000 words), they come in under the 60,000 word cut off. (Well, the ones I checked already.) The closest one of the two was under the cut by 4,000. The one farthest from the cut was only 44,000. I realise that's just an approximation but it means I might just be able to keep some things to put on that site. And I'm kind of happy about that. One of them, though, came up at 74,000 with just 2k per chapter... it's gonna be a long story, apparently. 0.o
Also spazzing a little over Kalafina. Just a cool band all around ^^
Tired right now. And cold. But I really should stay awake. It'll go a long way toward flipping my schedule back around.
This is becoming kind of stream-of-consciousness...
*later*
Yeah, I fell asleep. But I woke up with new ideas so that's always fun ^^
*sigh* I just need to get off my fuzzy cotton tail, stop project jumping like a little bunny and actually get something done. Unfortunately that's way easier said than done... like so many things in my life.
Also, dwarf hotots. They're white rabbits that look like they have black eyeliner on. They are adorable.
And on that cute mental image, I'm going to go away and maybe, hopefully at least figure out if I'm holding the map correctly since I can't seem to figure out where to start.
See ya~!
I also have a headache because I jabbed myself in the nose with my nail and I bled a little. And I just ate a small travel-sized container of peanut butter. So there's that.
I spent a little while trying to figure out Carmen's vocal range... Great, except for the fact that he's not a singer. (Well, he sort of is in that he was classically trained from a fairly young age, has a very good range and is in fact quite good in general - his high notes are clear and strong and he doesn't have to strain for most soprano notes, partially thanks to his experience modulating his voice to pass as female - it's just not a main element of the story.) This is the kind of background I give my characters... not sure if that's good or bad. >.> And I still kind of want to learn French and Russian because of him.
I'm a mess of fictional characters and tangled plots and I'm pretty sure I'm hemorrhaging motivation is what I'm trying to say.
I had a weird idea for this online role-play/ARG thing that was basically participant-run aside from the basic rules and laws of the world. I'm kind of hoping I can find a use for it because it's a cool idea.
I finally thought to pull up my calculator and run the numbers on some of my potential stories. Even at 2,000 words a chapter (and I can say a fair bit in 2,000 words), they come in under the 60,000 word cut off. (Well, the ones I checked already.) The closest one of the two was under the cut by 4,000. The one farthest from the cut was only 44,000. I realise that's just an approximation but it means I might just be able to keep some things to put on that site. And I'm kind of happy about that. One of them, though, came up at 74,000 with just 2k per chapter... it's gonna be a long story, apparently. 0.o
Also spazzing a little over Kalafina. Just a cool band all around ^^
Tired right now. And cold. But I really should stay awake. It'll go a long way toward flipping my schedule back around.
This is becoming kind of stream-of-consciousness...
*later*
Yeah, I fell asleep. But I woke up with new ideas so that's always fun ^^
*sigh* I just need to get off my fuzzy cotton tail, stop project jumping like a little bunny and actually get something done. Unfortunately that's way easier said than done... like so many things in my life.
Also, dwarf hotots. They're white rabbits that look like they have black eyeliner on. They are adorable.
And on that cute mental image, I'm going to go away and maybe, hopefully at least figure out if I'm holding the map correctly since I can't seem to figure out where to start.
See ya~!
19.3.12
Fifteen Days Before
Well, yesterday was both awesome and horrible at different times so here's hoping today can just be awesome.
I woke up at about 2 in the morning and wound up pulling apart a cold omelet to avoid the mushrooms and any soggy bits because, ew. Then I spent a while playing Robot Unicorn Attack. I've figured out that I can react faster if I watch the centre of the screen and don't watch my unicorn. ('Don't watch my unicorn' is a sentence I've never said before.) My high score's 62888 now, though.
*sigh* Look at my life. Look at my choices.
In other news, I'm thinking 'website'. In particular, my website (not the obeyalice one, another one). Here's what I'm thinking: stories (obviously), some with a few chapters up as a preview and a few full stories. Thing is, if I still like that idea later, which stories are which? If it winds up a novel doesn't that run into problems with first print rights? And doesn't that mean I'd have to write the whole thing even if there would only be preview chapters on the site? Because I have a lot of ideas and that's going to take a while. It's... a conundrum. Admittedly not one that needs immediate addressing but still.
I might try to sleep a little more. Too much food and not enough sleep just makes me really tired.
*later*
I checked the blog with this type-analyzer thing and got this:
ESFP - The Performers
The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.
The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.
Cool.
Although not the best for when I have to organise something...
Fifteen days left. I've basically stopped panicking at this point though. Now I just have to figure out what's going with me on the first trip.
I still can't believe that people pay attention to me online. I mean 74 Twitter Followers, 25 tumblr Followers, a few friends scattered about the writing boards... I don't understand it. I'm not that interesting.
At least I know I'm not just completely insane, right? ^^
So, I have a lot I'd like to figure out. I want to know if that site is even a viable idea or if I should turn it into something else. So, I will (hopefully be awake for most of tomorrow and) check in again when I have another thought I can ramble about.
See ya~!
I woke up at about 2 in the morning and wound up pulling apart a cold omelet to avoid the mushrooms and any soggy bits because, ew. Then I spent a while playing Robot Unicorn Attack. I've figured out that I can react faster if I watch the centre of the screen and don't watch my unicorn. ('Don't watch my unicorn' is a sentence I've never said before.) My high score's 62888 now, though.
*sigh* Look at my life. Look at my choices.
In other news, I'm thinking 'website'. In particular, my website (not the obeyalice one, another one). Here's what I'm thinking: stories (obviously), some with a few chapters up as a preview and a few full stories. Thing is, if I still like that idea later, which stories are which? If it winds up a novel doesn't that run into problems with first print rights? And doesn't that mean I'd have to write the whole thing even if there would only be preview chapters on the site? Because I have a lot of ideas and that's going to take a while. It's... a conundrum. Admittedly not one that needs immediate addressing but still.
I might try to sleep a little more. Too much food and not enough sleep just makes me really tired.
*later*
I checked the blog with this type-analyzer thing and got this:
ESFP - The Performers
The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.
The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.
Cool.
Although not the best for when I have to organise something...
Fifteen days left. I've basically stopped panicking at this point though. Now I just have to figure out what's going with me on the first trip.
I still can't believe that people pay attention to me online. I mean 74 Twitter Followers, 25 tumblr Followers, a few friends scattered about the writing boards... I don't understand it. I'm not that interesting.
At least I know I'm not just completely insane, right? ^^
So, I have a lot I'd like to figure out. I want to know if that site is even a viable idea or if I should turn it into something else. So, I will (hopefully be awake for most of tomorrow and) check in again when I have another thought I can ramble about.
See ya~!
18.3.12
Sixteen Days Before
Okay... I just figured out how to translate a joke between the 'original' version of my novel and the 'English language version'. Keep in mind that the 'original' would have been in a conlang (a constructed language). I am a geek and I am proud.
Now I feel the need to do things like this -
The word is:
Remember that when the 'u' is doubled, it is pronounced similarly to the German 'u' when it carries an umlaut. When you pluralise this word, it becomes 'Uulnan'.
Oh, my geekery... *shakes her head* But at least I'm having fun, right? ^^
Sixteen days left. Sixteen days until we're crammed in a car and stupidly excited as we drive across the country. Sixteen days until we meet with a potential agent for lunch. Sixteen days until I can stop counting down.
...
Did you ever notice that cravings are especially annoying in the middle of the night? 'Cause I have. Repeatedly. I'm gonna go play Robot Unicorn Attack now.
*later*
58788. My eyes hurt but new high score~ ^^
I'm also making stupid tweets. Again. This time about being 'the mutt of creative culture.' You know, since I'm a little bit of everything - not a purebred writer. (I'm stupid when I'm tired XD)
Not much is scheduled to happen today so I think I'm going to jump in the shower before my hair tries to walk away by itself and then settle in to hopefully do something productive. I hope you all have a great day and I will see you guys tomorrow (probably. Or later if something way good happens).
Now I feel the need to do things like this -
The word is:
Remember that when the 'u' is doubled, it is pronounced similarly to the German 'u' when it carries an umlaut. When you pluralise this word, it becomes 'Uulnan'.
Oh, my geekery... *shakes her head* But at least I'm having fun, right? ^^
Sixteen days left. Sixteen days until we're crammed in a car and stupidly excited as we drive across the country. Sixteen days until we meet with a potential agent for lunch. Sixteen days until I can stop counting down.
...
Did you ever notice that cravings are especially annoying in the middle of the night? 'Cause I have. Repeatedly. I'm gonna go play Robot Unicorn Attack now.
*later*
58788. My eyes hurt but new high score~ ^^
I'm also making stupid tweets. Again. This time about being 'the mutt of creative culture.' You know, since I'm a little bit of everything - not a purebred writer. (I'm stupid when I'm tired XD)
Not much is scheduled to happen today so I think I'm going to jump in the shower before my hair tries to walk away by itself and then settle in to hopefully do something productive. I hope you all have a great day and I will see you guys tomorrow (probably. Or later if something way good happens).
17.3.12
Seventeen Days Before
And 100th post.
Wow. Time goes fast 0.o
You know what I want once I get settled? I mean, in terms of food? Salad, fresh fruit, good cheese, nuts, tea, German chocolate and basically anything along those lines. Health food cravings, I has them.
And I have a sudden urge to make hair things. Like yarn falls but more than that too. Like, use the yarn but layer different colours or braid it in layers and interesting things like that. And cyberlox. And maybe even working with false hair. I think that just feeds into every other creative impulse I have but still...
I blog a lot. I'm like just now realising this. As of this post, I have 100 entries on here. Wow. Just... wow.
I think I'm going to spend a little while watching sewing things now... I have so many clothing ideas ;_; (Maybe if I get good enough I can jump in with that little writer/artist circle that produced the anthology as like, their costume designer or official cosplay designer or something. I mean, they already have perfume and tea for their projects. That would be so fun ;A; )
Guess that should be enough of a kick in the tail, huh? Once we're some degree of settled, I do want to do a little more of that. Or any at all. Any would be a good start - WHY AM I SO LAZY!? *headdesk*
It's okay... things are slowly coming together and that's a good thing. I don't think it's so much 'I don't wanna do this' stress as 'I wanna get going' stress. I think that's more like what I'm feeling now.
Why is it that sometimes the scariest things in life wind up being the most fun?
Wow. Time goes fast 0.o
You know what I want once I get settled? I mean, in terms of food? Salad, fresh fruit, good cheese, nuts, tea, German chocolate and basically anything along those lines. Health food cravings, I has them.
And I have a sudden urge to make hair things. Like yarn falls but more than that too. Like, use the yarn but layer different colours or braid it in layers and interesting things like that. And cyberlox. And maybe even working with false hair. I think that just feeds into every other creative impulse I have but still...
I blog a lot. I'm like just now realising this. As of this post, I have 100 entries on here. Wow. Just... wow.
I think I'm going to spend a little while watching sewing things now... I have so many clothing ideas ;_; (Maybe if I get good enough I can jump in with that little writer/artist circle that produced the anthology as like, their costume designer or official cosplay designer or something. I mean, they already have perfume and tea for their projects. That would be so fun ;A; )
Guess that should be enough of a kick in the tail, huh? Once we're some degree of settled, I do want to do a little more of that. Or any at all. Any would be a good start - WHY AM I SO LAZY!? *headdesk*
It's okay... things are slowly coming together and that's a good thing. I don't think it's so much 'I don't wanna do this' stress as 'I wanna get going' stress. I think that's more like what I'm feeling now.
Why is it that sometimes the scariest things in life wind up being the most fun?
16.3.12
Eighteen Days Before
If you're gonna spail, spail factacularly.
Or something like that.
I need to straighten my schedule back around but that... that's working out about as well as expected. Like, last night I was up till about 5 making a yarn fall ponytail. (Still not quite done but pretty close.) I was listening to 'Machinery Lemmings' by PSY-DOLL at the time, too. Japanese cyberpunk band. Awesome.
Tonight is good. Well, I think so anyway. I have the song playing (again), I'm full of red velvet cake ice cream and I have ideas. Not capital-I Ideas but ideas. I need hair-ties though. Don't know if I have any...
It's frustrating because I know I can be really dangerous with all the creative stuff I can do, I just can't seem to get started. And I know once I do, I'll be kind of unstoppable (well, with the exception of law enforcement and physics).
I think it'll all come together pretty soon though. It just has that feeling.
*bounces*
I should probably be doing something productive, huh? Not a lot I can do right now since the move is coming up. So, I'm probably going to put together yarn combinations and styles in my head while clicking through pictures of clear-winged butterflies (those things look so cool~).
I'm thinking about talking to a potential agent about what I'd have to do in order to be represented. I refuse to sell out but I'm not adverse to the idea of changes as long as I don't hate them. It might be kind of fun to see my work reach a larger audience...
Anyway, that's just me kicking thoughts around. I'm going to go try to figure out my life now. We'll see how far I get.
See ya~
Or something like that.
I need to straighten my schedule back around but that... that's working out about as well as expected. Like, last night I was up till about 5 making a yarn fall ponytail. (Still not quite done but pretty close.) I was listening to 'Machinery Lemmings' by PSY-DOLL at the time, too. Japanese cyberpunk band. Awesome.
Tonight is good. Well, I think so anyway. I have the song playing (again), I'm full of red velvet cake ice cream and I have ideas. Not capital-I Ideas but ideas. I need hair-ties though. Don't know if I have any...
It's frustrating because I know I can be really dangerous with all the creative stuff I can do, I just can't seem to get started. And I know once I do, I'll be kind of unstoppable (well, with the exception of law enforcement and physics).
I think it'll all come together pretty soon though. It just has that feeling.
*bounces*
I should probably be doing something productive, huh? Not a lot I can do right now since the move is coming up. So, I'm probably going to put together yarn combinations and styles in my head while clicking through pictures of clear-winged butterflies (those things look so cool~).
I'm thinking about talking to a potential agent about what I'd have to do in order to be represented. I refuse to sell out but I'm not adverse to the idea of changes as long as I don't hate them. It might be kind of fun to see my work reach a larger audience...
Anyway, that's just me kicking thoughts around. I'm going to go try to figure out my life now. We'll see how far I get.
See ya~
15.3.12
Nineteen Days Before
Also known as *headdesk* *flail* I keep seeing a weebly little thing running in circles in my head, flailing and going 'OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD...' 'Cause that's about how I feel. Yeah.
Otherwise, it's been a decent day. I slept through most of it. Then I ate food. It was good, though. It was a toasted wheat bread sandwich with just tomato, cheese, mayonnaise and a little bit of oil and vinegar. ... My tastes are weird, huh? ^^
I'm kind of working on something involving vampires vs. aliens. *sniffly laughter* It's so cool. My two loves - vampires and cyberpunk <3
Beyond that, not much has happened though that may be because I'm too 'doll mode: activated' to notice.
Things are just... all bunched up. I kinda wanna go shopping. I almost never wanna go shopping. WTF? 0.o I'm getting so weird lately... but I get the feeling that that's a good thing. The change is always weird, I think. Once you get unstuck, you feel a lot better though. ^^
I'm rambling... and kind of hungry again... so, yeah. I'm gonna go scrounge or maybe beg for food and I'll continue to spazz later on~
Bye~
Otherwise, it's been a decent day. I slept through most of it. Then I ate food. It was good, though. It was a toasted wheat bread sandwich with just tomato, cheese, mayonnaise and a little bit of oil and vinegar. ... My tastes are weird, huh? ^^
I'm kind of working on something involving vampires vs. aliens. *sniffly laughter* It's so cool. My two loves - vampires and cyberpunk <3
Beyond that, not much has happened though that may be because I'm too 'doll mode: activated' to notice.
Things are just... all bunched up. I kinda wanna go shopping. I almost never wanna go shopping. WTF? 0.o I'm getting so weird lately... but I get the feeling that that's a good thing. The change is always weird, I think. Once you get unstuck, you feel a lot better though. ^^
I'm rambling... and kind of hungry again... so, yeah. I'm gonna go scrounge or maybe beg for food and I'll continue to spazz later on~
Bye~
14.3.12
Twenty Days Before
I think I need to learn to disconnect from the internet for a while. Just a few hours and I've already gotten way more done.
Currently reading up on fandom and trying to improve the guide. (Yes, that a project of mine, one I plan to actually complete... like the others that need to get done.) I just realised that it probably needs to be way longer... Crap.
I'm gonna kinda spill my guts here so you might want to back up. Those look like nice shoes.
I think I need a schedule and fewer distractions. I also need some semblance of a job but that's going to have to wait until I'm a little more settled after the move. I think I want to find a job in an old bookstore somewhere on the bus line, maybe get into repair and bookbinding all while fixing the holes in my stories and designing other things, like I mentioned in the last update.
I know I'm not corporate, but I don't think I'm completely work-from-home either.
I just wind up feeling like I don't exist. It's like I'm in this kind of sub-space where I can see the physical world and I can interact with it but I'm not really here. And I don't know how to fix that. I'm not even sure if there's a way to fix it.
It's almost like inside I'm just screaming myself hoarse but it's never loud enough. So I just try to go away - drown out my own mind. But I'm not scared or sad about it. It's just like I hadn't noticed how disconnected I was before and now I have no idea what to do about it. Or even if there's anything to be done. I don't like using 'I'm a teenager' as a reason but I wonder if this is kind of a side effect of my mental and physical development being out of sync. Physically, I 'grew up' fast, developed quickly and was generally guessed older than I was. Now that's evened out and it feels like I'm mentally and emotionally trying to catch up - like someone paused just the audio on a movie while the picture kept running.
What it all comes back to is that I don't have any idea what the hell is going on with me and that's making it really difficult to dig my nails in and hold on. To anything.
I know it'll work out. I refuse to let it not work out. But that doesn't mean that this is fun in the slightest.
So I'm going back to something I should have been working on over the last month, month an a half and I will resume this countdown when I'm a little less annoyed with myself.
Currently reading up on fandom and trying to improve the guide. (Yes, that a project of mine, one I plan to actually complete... like the others that need to get done.) I just realised that it probably needs to be way longer... Crap.
I'm gonna kinda spill my guts here so you might want to back up. Those look like nice shoes.
I think I need a schedule and fewer distractions. I also need some semblance of a job but that's going to have to wait until I'm a little more settled after the move. I think I want to find a job in an old bookstore somewhere on the bus line, maybe get into repair and bookbinding all while fixing the holes in my stories and designing other things, like I mentioned in the last update.
I know I'm not corporate, but I don't think I'm completely work-from-home either.
I just wind up feeling like I don't exist. It's like I'm in this kind of sub-space where I can see the physical world and I can interact with it but I'm not really here. And I don't know how to fix that. I'm not even sure if there's a way to fix it.
It's almost like inside I'm just screaming myself hoarse but it's never loud enough. So I just try to go away - drown out my own mind. But I'm not scared or sad about it. It's just like I hadn't noticed how disconnected I was before and now I have no idea what to do about it. Or even if there's anything to be done. I don't like using 'I'm a teenager' as a reason but I wonder if this is kind of a side effect of my mental and physical development being out of sync. Physically, I 'grew up' fast, developed quickly and was generally guessed older than I was. Now that's evened out and it feels like I'm mentally and emotionally trying to catch up - like someone paused just the audio on a movie while the picture kept running.
What it all comes back to is that I don't have any idea what the hell is going on with me and that's making it really difficult to dig my nails in and hold on. To anything.
I know it'll work out. I refuse to let it not work out. But that doesn't mean that this is fun in the slightest.
So I'm going back to something I should have been working on over the last month, month an a half and I will resume this countdown when I'm a little less annoyed with myself.
13.3.12
Twenty-One Days Before
Point 1 - My roommate has brought it to my attention that I am an idiot and all of my makeup is, in fact, well within my reach. Derp.
Point 2 - When talking about sex makes you think about the structural integrity of the human body you're probably a geek. Just thought you should know.
Point 3 - I'm just really glad to have the internet back.
It's finally fixed. And I can finally stop wanting to complain to people about not being able to complain to them. I mean, what? Aside from that, I hate headaches. Like, loathe them with a burning passion.
There's so much stuff I want to do but here just doesn't seem like the place to do them. Where I'm at right now isn't exactly the fashion/makeup/art capital of... anywhere, really.
In not-my news, the site for the anthology and related material went live today and it looks awesome. I hope there isn't a time limit on the paperback version, because then I'd have to work some kind of payment method out. (To be fair, I still kind of want the hardcover book, I'm just trying to be responsible. Better to learn when you're young though, right?) They're basically doing what I'd like to do, I think is a large part of it.
In fact, you know what I want? I want a group of close real friends - artists, animators, musicians, crafty individuals of all types - who would be willing to help me with my vision (and I would help them with theirs, as much as I could) for a percentage. That just... sounds like something I would do. Be the leader of a close knit band of artists living in an apartment in a city somewhere, producing quality work, direct to the public. No corporate filters, no censorship - just honest, quality, affordable art.
I would love that kind of life.
And I know I could do it. It's just a matter of chipping away at it, finding the right people not just some people, making things the best they can be. And that's going to be an ordeal - I know it is.
But it would be a grand adventure.
That's a fair way off though. I think school and general life would help me get things squared away. In the meantime, enjoy this random pretty thing:
*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡.✧.｡.:*･’✧diamonds*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡.✧.｡.:*･’✧
Later, Lovelies~!
Point 2 - When talking about sex makes you think about the structural integrity of the human body you're probably a geek. Just thought you should know.
Point 3 - I'm just really glad to have the internet back.
It's finally fixed. And I can finally stop wanting to complain to people about not being able to complain to them. I mean, what? Aside from that, I hate headaches. Like, loathe them with a burning passion.
There's so much stuff I want to do but here just doesn't seem like the place to do them. Where I'm at right now isn't exactly the fashion/makeup/art capital of... anywhere, really.
In not-my news, the site for the anthology and related material went live today and it looks awesome. I hope there isn't a time limit on the paperback version, because then I'd have to work some kind of payment method out. (To be fair, I still kind of want the hardcover book, I'm just trying to be responsible. Better to learn when you're young though, right?) They're basically doing what I'd like to do, I think is a large part of it.
In fact, you know what I want? I want a group of close real friends - artists, animators, musicians, crafty individuals of all types - who would be willing to help me with my vision (and I would help them with theirs, as much as I could) for a percentage. That just... sounds like something I would do. Be the leader of a close knit band of artists living in an apartment in a city somewhere, producing quality work, direct to the public. No corporate filters, no censorship - just honest, quality, affordable art.
I would love that kind of life.
And I know I could do it. It's just a matter of chipping away at it, finding the right people not just some people, making things the best they can be. And that's going to be an ordeal - I know it is.
But it would be a grand adventure.
That's a fair way off though. I think school and general life would help me get things squared away. In the meantime, enjoy this random pretty thing:
*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡.✧.｡.:*･’✧diamonds*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡.✧.｡.:*･’✧
Later, Lovelies~!
10.3.12
Twenty-Four Days Before
Yesterday was awesome because the anthology I was waiting on came out for pre-order. (I'm thinking the paperback and the perfume from the shop once I get things set up. Once I get moved. Again.)
Today is awesome just because I have internet.
Actually, I'm sponging off of my neighbour's signal (with their permission) because some genius cut our internet line. Though, in their defense, it was across their driveway. So...
Yeah. I'm going to go back to working on my guide thing (which might be up for sale here fairly soon if I can get a handle on my thoughts). This was really kind of just an update because I'm glad to be able to update again.
Course not having the internet did help me get way more done... even if I couldn't reply to people and it took me way too long to go through my tumblr dash. And now I have a clueless nerd asking me questions in my head and holy schizophrenia, Batman I am glad I can use 'I'm a writer' as an excuse for my weirdness.
*toddles off to work*
Today is awesome just because I have internet.
Actually, I'm sponging off of my neighbour's signal (with their permission) because some genius cut our internet line. Though, in their defense, it was across their driveway. So...
Yeah. I'm going to go back to working on my guide thing (which might be up for sale here fairly soon if I can get a handle on my thoughts). This was really kind of just an update because I'm glad to be able to update again.
Course not having the internet did help me get way more done... even if I couldn't reply to people and it took me way too long to go through my tumblr dash. And now I have a clueless nerd asking me questions in my head and holy schizophrenia, Batman I am glad I can use 'I'm a writer' as an excuse for my weirdness.
*toddles off to work*
8.3.12
Twenty-Six Days Before
The days have been going by much faster than they have any right to. That countdown is actually starting to freak me out a little. I mean I'm excited. It'll be a grand adventure. But that doesn't mean it isn't scary...
That might be part of why I feel so badly. These last few days have just been rough on me even though nothing's really happened. I've just been wanting to curl up and cry lately, so to avoid that I throw myself into 'girly' routines that I've never done before. Course, now that my nail polish lasts for more than a few hours without flaking (Thank you, L.A.Colors, you wonderful company~) and I don't have much makeup that a) I can get to and b) isn't outdated, I'm kind of at a loss. So I wind up watching shows when I should be working and feeling bad about it later.
I have the first chapter of my MarNo project planned out at least, and I'm calling that a win.
Nothing is enough right now, though. No matter what I get done, I feel like that time could have been better spent elsewhere...
I know I'll be fine. In fact I'll probably feel fine tomorrow, but right now it's really irritating.
In other news, I'm likely to go scrounging in the kitchen pretty soon and then, hopefully, I can get something of some value done. I'll try to check in again when I'm a little more cheerful.
That might be part of why I feel so badly. These last few days have just been rough on me even though nothing's really happened. I've just been wanting to curl up and cry lately, so to avoid that I throw myself into 'girly' routines that I've never done before. Course, now that my nail polish lasts for more than a few hours without flaking (Thank you, L.A.Colors, you wonderful company~) and I don't have much makeup that a) I can get to and b) isn't outdated, I'm kind of at a loss. So I wind up watching shows when I should be working and feeling bad about it later.
I have the first chapter of my MarNo project planned out at least, and I'm calling that a win.
Nothing is enough right now, though. No matter what I get done, I feel like that time could have been better spent elsewhere...
I know I'll be fine. In fact I'll probably feel fine tomorrow, but right now it's really irritating.
In other news, I'm likely to go scrounging in the kitchen pretty soon and then, hopefully, I can get something of some value done. I'll try to check in again when I'm a little more cheerful.
6.3.12
Twenty-Eight Days Before
You might have noticed the 'Polyvore' badge on the side of the page. It's a cool site for a fashion and character geek like me ^^ I'm noticing I like making single-colour sets - like, sets with black and sliver and then one high-contrast colour, like bright red or light blue.
We're having a wind storm. I know because the power went out twice and I'm insanely hungry. I'm not sure these things are related...
On the upside, the plot for MarNoWriMo is coming together. I might be more excited that there is an actual plot to speak of and it's not just the build up for that one creepy-ass scene. Plots make me happy. So do cool characters.
I'm also noticing that my villains are usually a ball of weird, gendery-bendery... stuff. Like the newest one, Isaac. Always in 'women's clothes' (usually blouses, heels and skinny jeans). Course, he's a little off anyway.
This entry is kind of just a way to make me stop mentally running around like a chicken with its head cut off and actually focus on something for more than five minutes. As a result, here's a list: horror (psychological, supernatural), cyberpunk, splatterpunk, mystery, romance, historical, parody, thriller.
Those are the genres I'm seeing crop up the most. Awesome.
Now...back to work.
Later, Lovelies~!
Vocabulary words:
1) Procrastination Station - a place on the internet or otherwise where you spend the time you should be writing.
2) Motivation Monster - a small writing pet often kept by Muses.
We're having a wind storm. I know because the power went out twice and I'm insanely hungry. I'm not sure these things are related...
On the upside, the plot for MarNoWriMo is coming together. I might be more excited that there is an actual plot to speak of and it's not just the build up for that one creepy-ass scene. Plots make me happy. So do cool characters.
I'm also noticing that my villains are usually a ball of weird, gendery-bendery... stuff. Like the newest one, Isaac. Always in 'women's clothes' (usually blouses, heels and skinny jeans). Course, he's a little off anyway.
This entry is kind of just a way to make me stop mentally running around like a chicken with its head cut off and actually focus on something for more than five minutes. As a result, here's a list: horror (psychological, supernatural), cyberpunk, splatterpunk, mystery, romance, historical, parody, thriller.
Those are the genres I'm seeing crop up the most. Awesome.
Now...back to work.
Later, Lovelies~!
Vocabulary words:
1) Procrastination Station - a place on the internet or otherwise where you spend the time you should be writing.
2) Motivation Monster - a small writing pet often kept by Muses.
5.3.12
Twenty-Nine Days Before
(First off, thank you, Nicole~ Even that information helped quite a bit ^^ Medical stuff is fascinating~! I knew there was like a muscle wall to get through but after that I was a little lost. We're just all wound up in there, aren't we? (But what if it was a knife wound - more of a deep cut (about three fingers wide) and not a straight stab wound, leaving the intestines intact? Would pressing at the intestines, like with your fingers cause enough pain to make you black out or would it just be similar to someone having a bruising hold on your skin? And I'm sorry for the creepy questions; I swear it's just for a story ;_;)
Now on to the actual post...
Twenty-Nine days left. My chest is tight and things hurt and I'm insanely excited. I also can't stop playing What You Are by Son of Rust.
There was a post on tumblr, a video, of a deaf woman hearing for the first time. Just... makes you realise how blessed you are sometimes, you know? She was so happy, too ^^ I'm not sure how the device worked but she had a part of it to her ear, which the tech adjusted and then said 'So, technically, your device is on right now.' and the woman started smiling before clapping a hand over her mouth to laugh. The tech took whatever she was holding to her ear away and asked if she could hear her (the tech) and herself (the deaf woman's own voice). By then she's crying and laughing and nodding until she calms down again. She mentioned that her voice doesn't sound too loud to her but when she laughs, it sounds loud. The tech mentions that she'll get used to the sounds and asks if she wants to hear her husband say something.
It ends there and I was almost crying so I thought I'd share a little.
I'm also wondering something: I'm wondering if using neural impulses fed through an external spine sensitive enough to the brain's electrical impulses to pick up the signals correctly could give a patient control of mechanical/prosthetic limbs similar to the control they have over their natural ones. The external spine would simply function as an amplifier, picking up on movement signals from the brain and transmitting them instead along a non-damaged pathway (the exo-spine) and feeding into the new limbs. It's a neuro-wear program, largely external for ease of repair but close-fitting to avoid snagging and things getting in the way.
I'm either a genius or insane. Maybe both.
Something has been worked out in my life. Sort of. I realised that I would much rather write what I want to and try to sell it than write what people tell me to for money. Stupid? Maybe. But that's how my mind is and I just have to deal with it.
This means that I need outlines. And Jelly beans. But mostly outlines. In fact, one outline in particular. But now the problem is two-fold. 1) I don't have a story and 2) if I did, I have no idea how long it would wind up being. I love the story, though. Especially the main character. It's all like cyberpunk-supernatural horror.
But it's slowly starting to gel in my little brain so that's helping.
I'm actually going to try to figure out what's going on in this weird little section of writerland I've stumbled into and I will be back later on~
See ya~!
Now on to the actual post...
Twenty-Nine days left. My chest is tight and things hurt and I'm insanely excited. I also can't stop playing What You Are by Son of Rust.
There was a post on tumblr, a video, of a deaf woman hearing for the first time. Just... makes you realise how blessed you are sometimes, you know? She was so happy, too ^^ I'm not sure how the device worked but she had a part of it to her ear, which the tech adjusted and then said 'So, technically, your device is on right now.' and the woman started smiling before clapping a hand over her mouth to laugh. The tech took whatever she was holding to her ear away and asked if she could hear her (the tech) and herself (the deaf woman's own voice). By then she's crying and laughing and nodding until she calms down again. She mentioned that her voice doesn't sound too loud to her but when she laughs, it sounds loud. The tech mentions that she'll get used to the sounds and asks if she wants to hear her husband say something.
It ends there and I was almost crying so I thought I'd share a little.
I'm also wondering something: I'm wondering if using neural impulses fed through an external spine sensitive enough to the brain's electrical impulses to pick up the signals correctly could give a patient control of mechanical/prosthetic limbs similar to the control they have over their natural ones. The external spine would simply function as an amplifier, picking up on movement signals from the brain and transmitting them instead along a non-damaged pathway (the exo-spine) and feeding into the new limbs. It's a neuro-wear program, largely external for ease of repair but close-fitting to avoid snagging and things getting in the way.
I'm either a genius or insane. Maybe both.
Something has been worked out in my life. Sort of. I realised that I would much rather write what I want to and try to sell it than write what people tell me to for money. Stupid? Maybe. But that's how my mind is and I just have to deal with it.
This means that I need outlines. And Jelly beans. But mostly outlines. In fact, one outline in particular. But now the problem is two-fold. 1) I don't have a story and 2) if I did, I have no idea how long it would wind up being. I love the story, though. Especially the main character. It's all like cyberpunk-supernatural horror.
But it's slowly starting to gel in my little brain so that's helping.
I'm actually going to try to figure out what's going on in this weird little section of writerland I've stumbled into and I will be back later on~
See ya~!
3.3.12
Thirty-One Days Before
Wondering how sensitive to pain the intestines are. Like pain or pressure from being pressed on, like during surgery.
Anyway...
I went out and got new nail polish (L.A. Colors 'Festive' and 'Lollipop' and Wet 'n' Wild 'Grey's Anatomy') and a bottle of Carnivale perfume. I am happy now. I also wound up with some sliced almonds for my headaches and some walnuts, just because.
Little trip to the ER earlier today but everything's fine. Nobody's hurt or sick or anything, just an easily fixable problem. Still kinda scary though.
As a result, I've been in my room for a while, listening to songs on YouTube and trying to tell myself I'm being productive. Unfortunately, that isn't working so well.
I'm also stupidly hungry and that's just... annoying. I think it's because I can smell things baking. Chocolate things. *drool*
Then I start writing again and lose my appetite... Oh, well ^^
[Later on]
Mum went off to get me something to make my head stop hurting. Yay~ for that. I don't take medication unless I think I really need it and... this is kind of making me feel sick, so I think I probably need it. Ick.
As you can probably tell, this entry was written over the course of a day and so she and grandpa are now back with Advil and jelly beans. And I'm kind of happy about the jelly beans. ^.^
I'm going to go hope my head gets better and maybe work a little bit before I collapse and start drooling into my pillow.
See ya~
Anyway...
I went out and got new nail polish (L.A. Colors 'Festive' and 'Lollipop' and Wet 'n' Wild 'Grey's Anatomy') and a bottle of Carnivale perfume. I am happy now. I also wound up with some sliced almonds for my headaches and some walnuts, just because.
Little trip to the ER earlier today but everything's fine. Nobody's hurt or sick or anything, just an easily fixable problem. Still kinda scary though.
As a result, I've been in my room for a while, listening to songs on YouTube and trying to tell myself I'm being productive. Unfortunately, that isn't working so well.
I'm also stupidly hungry and that's just... annoying. I think it's because I can smell things baking. Chocolate things. *drool*
Then I start writing again and lose my appetite... Oh, well ^^
[Later on]
Mum went off to get me something to make my head stop hurting. Yay~ for that. I don't take medication unless I think I really need it and... this is kind of making me feel sick, so I think I probably need it. Ick.
As you can probably tell, this entry was written over the course of a day and so she and grandpa are now back with Advil and jelly beans. And I'm kind of happy about the jelly beans. ^.^
I'm going to go hope my head gets better and maybe work a little bit before I collapse and start drooling into my pillow.
See ya~
2.3.12
Thirty-Two Days Before
It's 11:30 in the morning and I'm sitting at the kitchen table between my Mum and my Grandma. Grandpa's in the living room eating soup off of a plate because he's too stubborn to get a bowl.
And it's cozy.
I'm not sure why but it's cozy.
So... I'm sitting around thinking up creative ways to kill people and wondering if you just have to go through the muscle wall to get to the intestines and also how tightly wound they are inside. It's for a book, I swear. I need to be working but it's just not there right now, you know?
I'm hoping I can get around two outlines at least most of the way done before the month is out. They'll probably be crap but at least I'll have something to work with.
In other news, I'm kicking around the idea of websites. Not sure exactly what I'm doing yet but the idea is there and that's something. (I'm thinking about putting chapters/snippets up with a link to where you can buy it at the end of the preview. Of course, this assumes that I have something to sell, which currently I don't. That's in the process of getting fixed, though.)
I'm starting to wonder about this being the month for me to step out of my writing comfort zone. I liked my comfort zone. It was... not so bloody. But it's one of those 'growing as a writer' things. No matter what I wind up doing for a living, I think I'd rather it be around books.
I'm going to go back to writing... hopefully on something productive and I will see you guys later.
(Post Scriptum - Is the countdown in the post titles making anyone nervous yet?)
And it's cozy.
I'm not sure why but it's cozy.
So... I'm sitting around thinking up creative ways to kill people and wondering if you just have to go through the muscle wall to get to the intestines and also how tightly wound they are inside. It's for a book, I swear. I need to be working but it's just not there right now, you know?
I'm hoping I can get around two outlines at least most of the way done before the month is out. They'll probably be crap but at least I'll have something to work with.
In other news, I'm kicking around the idea of websites. Not sure exactly what I'm doing yet but the idea is there and that's something. (I'm thinking about putting chapters/snippets up with a link to where you can buy it at the end of the preview. Of course, this assumes that I have something to sell, which currently I don't. That's in the process of getting fixed, though.)
I'm starting to wonder about this being the month for me to step out of my writing comfort zone. I liked my comfort zone. It was... not so bloody. But it's one of those 'growing as a writer' things. No matter what I wind up doing for a living, I think I'd rather it be around books.
I'm going to go back to writing... hopefully on something productive and I will see you guys later.
(Post Scriptum - Is the countdown in the post titles making anyone nervous yet?)
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