I changed the url, too.

This has all been such a cluster lately that I felt a change was warranted.

A little distance.

I've been writing again.

Nothing too fancy - just messing around with ideas. I have two right now that I'd kind of like to see at least mostly done before too long. I actually started screwing around with GIMP and a site with a metric buttload of public domain photos (most of which are not that great for my purposes but, oh well). I found one image I liked, though, and I've been gently arguing with that for the last little while.

But it's basically done now though, so that's cool.

Also, my computer has been randomly locking up for a few seconds before unfreezing again, which is irritating because it's not just one page/the program I'm working in - it's everything. Like, even my music will lock up and make this weird screeching sound like 'eeeeeeeeeeee'. So yeah, annoying. Plus, you know, I like this computer so I'd kind of rather it didn't die or explode or commit any other form of ritual suicide.

It's February. And that means that one month is gone. Already. So I'm both scared and happy. Scared because... well, just because I'm very aware of time and how scattered I've been lately and happy because things are (slowly) getting done.

Oh, and before I forget: Congratulations to the Seattle Seahawks!

Currently, I'm sitting on my bed and bouncing back and forth between maths and mild anxiety/life plans so... yeah. That's basically what my life has been since school went back. It's just an odd quarter this time. I was the only one in my Latin class on Thursday because there are only about four of us in there total.

*sigh* I just... I'm having a lot of issues bubbling up to the surface now for some reason. It's all... amazingly annoying. Me, I catch myself just kind of sitting around like the Frankenstein of potato bags, bored out of my mind but having no desire to do anything because why? But it gets even worse when I realise that I want to do things but none of those things are school-related. So now I have to sit around and clutter up my head-space with a bunch of meaningless things that I'm never going to touch again. Fun.

It all just proves to me that I like learning but I'm not at all in love with school.

... You know, it's really weird when you realise that you're not happy and probably haven't been for a long time. You go along and you don't engage and you don't think about much and then one day, you're doing your laundry at eleven at night because you couldn't be bothered to do it earlier, and you're gearing up for one of your insomniac nights where you don't go to sleep until about three in the morning when your alarm is set for five but it doesn't matter because you ignore it anyway, and then it hits you. So you stand there and stare at one of your black towels which is slowly falling apart and it finally clicks that you're doing the same thing. You keep going to school because 'well, I'm in it now and I'm getting close to graduating' even though you have no idea what you actually want out of life in terms of anything that a degree or college classes would help, and you keep telling yourself you're okay with things and with your life and with the fact that you can't focus enough to study even if you cared to and so you're torn between just quitting - everything - or packing a bag and getting on a train with what little money you have because maybe, just maybe, it'll jar something loose and make you feel something that lasts.

And even like this, on my own blog which very few people read, I still have to say 'you' because that gives me a little bit of distance from everything.

And I'm not going to make some big, impassioned speech about how it gets better and that this is the day that all that changes because speeches like that never feel sincere. Honestly, I don't know what to do with this. It should be an easy choice, at least on the surface: Do you want to be happy the rest of your life or miserable? And I think that's what scares me the most. I don't have an answer because I don't know what being happy would feel like. I've locked everything down so much I'm not sure I can get to it anymore. That's the best way I can say it right now.

And, because timing is everything, this post just showed up on my tumblr dashboard:

"Mental illness is like fighting a war where the enemy’s strategy is to convince you that the war isn’t actually happening."

I am an Adult. Also, What Kind of Name is 'Sherlock' Anyway?

These are the types of questions that come to me while I'm supposed to be planning something else.

Also, I've been throwing up lately. Well, not a lot - just a little. Like just once so far this year. Because of a bad headache that resulted from crying. Because that is a thing that happens quite a bit.

Aside from that, I've had a thought: I need to do things. Doing things is good and doing things for a while makes me want to continue doing things. The problem is that I seem to realise this several times a year and the proceed to do absolutely nothing about it. This is an issue for a wide verity of reasons, the most immediate of which is that it makes me hate myself.

So I'm thinking this should probably be the year of goals and, you know, getting rid of that mentality. I don't want to be all ~POSITIVITY~ all the time because that's A) not realistic and B) really, really annoying. But. I've been working out a little and that seems to be helping more than I thought it would. I changed my tumblr blog theme (and I like it - I even have a custom cursor (I've never had one before) so that's cool too). and really, things could be a lot worse than they are. I still need to sit down and really memorise my Latin (and stop saying 'really' so much) and I still need to read chapters one and two for chemistry. And I have algebra to do. But it'll get done.

That's another thing I need to get through my head: I don't have to work as fast as I can on everything - I just have to work consistently and things will get done.

And that it's okay if I don't sleep or don't sleep much some nights. It's okay if I over-eat for a day or so here and there - it does not mean that I'm weak or a terrible person. Same with writing. Just breathe and do what you can and it will get done.

But yeah, I've been through two workouts now (50 minutes and 60 minutes) and I can do more than I thought I'd be able to so that's pretty good to know. I'm not as out of shape as I thought I was.

[On a completely random note, never try to correct your autocorrect because things like this happen (not mine but found it hilarious) 'We hop' 'We hopping' 'We home' 'Wawa skittletits' 'WE HOPE']

And since this one post has taken me far, far too long to write, here:

Daft Punk songs - no instruments. It's more than a little insane. (I've been meaning to post this video up so my mum could see it but I kept forgetting. So yeah.)

Right now, it's after one in the morning and I have a long day tomorrow and I'm not tired so I will probably wind up watching Markiplier videos and listening to music until around two and then trying in vain to sleep. Just so we're all clear on the plan.

I hope everyone's year has been going at least decently so far. If it has, that's wonderful and I hope it continues and if it hasn't, well, nothing lasts forever and things will improve soon. They always do.

Bye for now, everyone. Bye for now~

My Family is Amazing People

"I tried to make a crochet snowflake or two for my mum. The one I have is kind of a mess and I sort of want to cry." - A tweet I never sent because it was five in the morning and, to be fair, that's really sad.

But Christmas was really... really good this year. Nothing big and full of lights and utterly amazing in that made-for-TV movie kind of way happened but it was a wonderful day. My family is amazing. Full stop. My mum and my grandparents got together and gifted me the money I needed to buy my ISBNs which means all I need to do to be able to start my company is all of the nit-picky, pain-in-the-ass stuff (and the writing. Writing is a good thing, though).

I also got this message from a dear, dear friend of mine:

Aww sweetheart! *hugs tightly* Wait I'm your best friend O//O oh gosh, I don't think I've ever been anyone's best friend before. You're just so...sweet and caring and you're just so kind to everyone and you're so tough I just really think you're awesome. Seriously though, after meeting you you automatically became my hero and someone I looked up to.

So, that's something to be insanely thankful for.

Really, 2013 was kind of a crap-shoot overall but there were good moments and a weird year typically means that the next little while is going to be full of a bunch of stuff that will actually advance the plot. So. I'm going to relax for the rest of the year and make sure my lists are all updated and all that and then at midnight, I'm going to reset my progress meters and jump in again with the writing.

I'm actually cautiously optimistic about this next year, you know? I have no idea why but I'm not going to argue with it.

I hope 2014 is a great year for all of you and I will see you all soon~

Here are some words.

2013 is almost over.

Not much has really gone on but here are some highlights:

- I met a really wonderful friend - kind of a partner-in-crime. And then I met several more amazing people.
- I fell into the Night Vale fandom (got sort of scared off by all the in-fighting but then realised that I really like the show and screw everyone else)
- I jumped into the Outlast fandom (as a psycho doctor and a scared reporter) and met some of the sweetest people there
- I can see 20/20 without my glasses now (surgery, surgery~)
- I survived three quarters in college and my lowest grade for a class that whole time was a B
- I GET TO GO TO DASHCON
- And a whole bunch of other awesome things, I'm sure.

And now here is a list of things:

emotions you don’t understand upon viewing a sunset

lost pets found

lost pets unfound

a secret lost pet city on the moon.

Trees that see. 

Restaurants that hear. 

A void that thinks. 

A face half-seen just before falling asleep. 

Trembling hands reaching for desperately needed items.

Sandwiches! 

Silence when there should be noise. 

Noise when there should be silence. 

Nothing when you want something. 

Something, when you thought there was nothing. 

Clear plastic binder sheets. 

Scented dryer sheets. 

Rain coming down in sheets. 

Night. 

Rest. 

Sleep.

End.

[That was all actually ripped off from Night Vale Episode 2 - 'The Glow Cloud' but I love it so... here.]

But yeah, I'm not dead, I'm just very tired. Life has been pretty stressful lately. I had two surgeries a week apart and that tends to take a lot out of you, even if they're only minor.

I'll probably be back before the end of the year to check in and really wrap up and all that but just in case I'm not: Merry Christmas (or whatever you celebrate/if you celebrate) and I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and a very happy new year~

Apparently, I'm a lizard.

This resulted from a Skype conversation. And I feel it is sufficient proof that I should not be allowed on Skype. #LizardProblems

So...

It's Monday night and the rest of this week is going to be one long day.

Let me walk you through:

Tuesday:
- School (Intro to World Languages, Law and Society, and Psych)
- Then over to a town about an hour's drive away for surgery (they get to burn a tiny hole in my eye with a laser)
- Come back, eat, and study for Algebra midterm.

Wednesday:
- School (World Languages, Law and Society, hour break, Algebra Midterm, Written Final in CPR)
- Study for Algebra Final

Thursday:
- School (Same as Tuesday, with Algebra Final after Psych)
- There will also be a final in Law and a final in World Languages on that day. Joy.

Then there's the Psych test and the CPR Practical on the 9th.

Oh, and my first actual, corrective surgery is on the 11th.

Plus, I have things I want to write. I have way too many half-finished books and fan-fics.

So this is just going to be a long first half of the month. But that's what's been going on. I promise I will get back to my RP blogs and my fan-fic blog soon - I just want to get through the rest of this quarter alive.

You know...

...maybe the key to my getting anything at all done is feeling pissed off and like a complete and utter failure.

No, really. See, when I feel like this (slightly less so now but it's still there), all I want to do is study - after I stop crying and wanting to step in front of a bus. If I just wait for a while that feeling goes away on its own and I'm left with this sense of calm 'that's enough now'. If I could learn to throw a leash on that feeling, I'd be golden.

When I'm like this, I hate myself just enough to want to do something. When I'm like this, I want to write. I want to get my company off the ground and be good enough to raise the money I'd need to go to NYU and double major in psychology and linguistics. Then I want to go to Japan for a year or two - writer, therapist, artist. Most of all, I'd just like to stop being such a damn disappointment to myself and everyone around me.

'One day at a time' only works if you're doing something every day. That's another thing to get through my head.

So I'm going to see what I can't do to pull myself out of this. Wish me strength, blessings, and coffee.

Assuming 5 a.m.

Assuming that I can actually get up (not just wake up) when my alarm goes off:

- WRITE (You've been terrible about this lately.)
- email that guy about that thing at school
- Catch up with people for a little while (because friends are <3)
- Listen to WTNV (You're behind. You should fix that.)
- Read
- SCHOOL -
- Sketch/plan/read on break
- Accept PTK membership (Yeah, Phi Theta Kappa. It's invite-only, so that's a little awesome.)
- Study things (seriously even like an hour total would help)
- Reply to RP posts and write Outlast/FAKE/IWTV stuff and junk like that.

That's really about it for right now. That is not that difficult. Could use some fine-tuning but... yeah.

For right now, though, I'm going to go to sleep because I am actually tired.

I'll try to make the next entry something actually interesting. No promises though.

So this was kind of a pick-me-up.

Some background on this chat which made me happy: I wrote an Outlast fic when I was wanting to gut someone the other night. It was about our poor, brave reporter being cornered by The Twins and getting his tongue cut out. It has 18 notes as of this writing so I guess I'm not the only sick bunny out there ^w^ [Some of the tags added in reblogs include 'loud yelling', 'inspiration' and (possibly the one that made me smile the most) 'art'.]

Friend 1: Alright. Whoever made that Tongue fic needs a handshake but also a punch in the nose i am literally crying
Friend 1: THATS HORRIBLE IM
Friend 2: i know holy shit
Friend 1: I WAS SITTING IN THE CAR READING IT SO WHEN I STARTED DRIVING AGAIN
Friend 1: I WAS IN PAIN JUST
Friend 1: TRYING NOT TO FLY OFF THE ROAD LIKE "MIIILLESSS DB"
Friend 4: it was rabbit
Friend 1: Sobbing
Friend 4: :'DD
Friend 1: CURLS UP
Friend 1: SCREAMS
Friend 2: well now I gotta go read it
Friend 1: ITS SO PAINFUL
Friend 3: ur heart will die
Friend 3: i csn t even type
Friend 2: they said that about Supernatural and I sat throguh that shit like a man
Friend 1: my heart was already dead. but it came back to life
Friend 1: and then stabbed it again
[]
Friend 2: ok yeah that was intense yo
Friend 1: Im crying
Friend 1: I was shaking when i was driving home
German Artist Friend: rabbit is awesome. this one made me feel very sick :'D
Friend 4: how do writing

So, yeah, I'm a little happy.

Also, I got my hair cut:

(and it's super-cute - I look like me ^^) and my Algebra wasn't... as bad as it could have been. I need time more than anything. It's just not something that I can just sit down and study for hours on end - I start getting tense and stabby.

So, time. Bite-sized pieces. It's a lot easier to break down a difficult concept then to try to swallow everything whole.

*sigh*

Basically, I just need to get it though my head that 'One day at a time' means just that. That and the fact that I apparently have some measure of talent in several areas. The idea of that is still weird to me though...

Working on it.

I think the phrase for the next little while is going to be 'Working on it'.

Wish me books and sleep, everyone. I feel like I'm going to need them.

Ignore This

For the record, large and uncaring universe, I am torn between simply saying 'No, okay? I'm putting my foot down. I refuse to waste another minute going along learning something I despise and ultimately have no use for just a degree I barely want.' and just keeping my head down and wrecking my sleep schedule to study because it does not matter if I'm tired or if I get sick from it - I'm not allowed to fail. I refuse to allow myself to fail.

And those two sides are at each other's throats right now and, honestly? I don't know what to do so I'm just sitting in the dark and... thinking right now. I need to write. I can't leave my emotions where they are - that never ends well.

So. A couple quarters of drug-out hell or an intense period of feeling like an utter disappointment - like someone who's too unstable and flighty even to handle a college class?

Thoughts?

Very good day ^w^

First off, my friends are amazing. I knew Outlast was a good thing when I saw it and I was right and it's been awesome ^^ I'm in a Skype group chat thing and I have RP blogs (That people actually notice) and I get to talk to friends and watch livestreams of movies and people drawing fanart and just wow LOVE

Pretty much everyone wished me happy birthday too and I felt really loved.

I'm 21. And I'm going to have to get used to the fact that I am, legally, an adult - even though I don't feel like one and probably never really will.

Also, I have things:

This is probably going to be very heavy and very interesting and I'm half-looking forward to and half-dreading reading it. It came sealed up in plastic wrap (I haven't opened it yet) and that always makes me nervous. But yeah, that's pretty awesome.

Everyone in the WriMo community knows exactly what this thing is. This thing is the bane of my existence pretty much every year, throughout the month of August.

Yep. It's that time of year again.

This one is an anniversary edition so it's like hella big. So many good authors in this one though, I swear.

This is the Plague. The Plague is adorable. Love The Plague.

And the Bookworm <3 CUTE

Everything here is just awesome okay?

Oh, yeah... there was one more thing:

Yeah. This is gonna be bad for my sleep schedule, I'm pretty sure. I don't necessarily care though. It's a really fun game ^^

I'm about to fall on my face because it's just after 2 a.m. here so... please forgive any typos and bye for now, everyone <3 I'd say I'll try to update a little more consistently in the future but we all know that that's a lie so... I'll see you when I see you, basically. Have an awesome day~

So some people are awesome

The Outlast fandom. Yes, the tag has a tendency to make me rage but the RPers are pretty much gold. I wound up with a Miles blog (still sort of finding my footing there) and a Trager blog (pretty much like breathing, which made me nervous until I remembered that I was a writer) and it's been insanely fun. So that's awesome. It keeps me writing more consistently too and that's a very good thing.

I have some threads to reply to so I'll probably go and do that pretty soon. 'A new man came into town today' and 'Doctor's Practice' mainly. There's also a 'Silky' RPer, who I just found yesterday~ (It's sort of a fan-nickname for a character in a gag, blindfold, and straitjacket who follows Miles around for a little while and rambles things like 'Silky... you look so silky', 'I need to tell you a secret', and 'Are you my friend?')

I have some shows to watch and a book to finish reading too.

On an almost completely unrelated note:

My eyesight is terrible. Like really terrible. 20/20 is considered really good and that means that if you and someone else stand 20 ft. away from something, you both see it the same way. 20/30 means that you see at 20 ft. what they see at 30 ft. The higher that second number is, the worse your vision is. That scale goes all the way up to 20/800.

I am off that scale. My vision is worse than 20/800. I'm like 20/Movement and Fingers. So that means LASIK is out because it wouldn't give me enough of a correction without shearing off nearly all of the tissue in my cornea, which just isn't safe. So I'm looking into some other options.

Oh and someone from the NaNo forums [in fact, this lovely person here] made me a cover:

Isn't it cool?

Well, I kind of love it anyway. Not zoned for commercial use, sadly (because I totally would) but yeah, really awesome <3 And it gives me an idea of what I should probably try to do with the final version of the official cover.

So that's where all that is.

For now, I need to go do my replies and junk like that, and then maybe sit down and plan for NaNo a little bit. I usually don't but this year it's one of those books that I think would benefit from at least a somewhat stable outline.

Bye for now, everyone. I'll try to check in again soon~

Things

'im drunk and i send you smooches and postatgingie tomorrowww and im happyy okay bye kisses' - sent by a relatively new friend of mine.

It's a little sad but do you know what my first thought was? "Aw, you thought of me when you were drunk <3".

But no, yeah, there is a point to this post. And that point is as follows:

NaNoWriMo

About a month away.

So here is a list of everything that I need to get done before then (not including schoolwork)

• 11 Outlast fics / 1 FAKE fic
• Outline/plan for NaNo project (seriously, this one is wordy and character-heavy; don't think you can wing this one)
• Work on Other Book - because you need to. It's interesting and it's been sitting around for way too long. You also need to finish/edit the first one.
• Pretty much the same goes for The Book.
• In fact, plan and outline for EVERYTHING.
• Finish reading letters to a young activist (at least)
• Watch your shows in your spare time (assuming that you have spare time)
• Also? Finish your crochet intestine scarf thing.

So yeah. A lot of writing and general work will need to take place.

Here's hoping that my anxiety and general mental health don't decide to make things needlessly difficult for me.

School Again Soon

I'm not sure how to feel. I haven't been on campus in a while. I know where my classes are at least and that's good. I always get ridiculously stressed about school and then I'm fine after about the first week.

Also, on a completely random note, this thing [right here] lets you listen to Wikipedia. Pluck sounds are an addition, strings are subtractions, and the pitch says how big the edit is. It's just really amazing to sit and listen to.

Oh, and because I have this open and I'm pretty sure not a lot of people read this blog anyway

Birthday wishlish thing:

• MKULTRA : The CIA's Top Secret Program in Human Experimentation and Behavior Modification [book]
• The CIA Doctors: Human Rights Violations by American Psychiatrists [book]
• Really anything decent about MKUltra or OPERATION PAPERCLIP. It's really interesting to me for some reason.
• Giant Microbes are always a good bet.
• The Milestone Anthology for this year.

I might think of a game I want to beg for by then but for right now, these are the things I've been thinking about the most. ... You, know, looking at this, I think I understand why I have very few friends.

Oh, well XD

*SCREAMS*

This thing. THIS THING HERE IS OUT and I'm in it.

Also:

• I just read your fic and it was fantastic! That’s exactly how I imagined things going on.
• I love the way you write.
• I love fanfics when the picture is in your head and you feel like watching a movie, that’s [the] kind of fanfics I appreciate, because not everyone has this thing. You can read and you don’t see the picture clearly, and when you’re done reading, you can’t remember what was all that about. But in your case when I try to remember what it was all about - it flashes like a movie.
• You described Miles so in character
• Thank you so much for writing, it’s the best thing I’ve read in a long time.
• It’s so hard to find this kind of fanfics, so everytime time I find something - it’s like treasure.
• So thank you so much for writing, your fic really made my day.
• Please, never stop writing Outlast fics! They’re just too great.

All of that ^^^ was in a longer post that someone made about a simple, rambly little thing I wrote about Miles Upshur (from the game Outlast). It was 1,105 words and it took me... maybe two-to-three hours total, edits and all (it's hard to say since I was distracted a lot of the day, working in fits and starts).

But this is how my mind works: I see all of this, read and reread it several times, clip out pieces to put in this post, and I will bet you two of my fingers (lol Outlast reference) that I forget about it in a few days and go back to doubting myself. Why? It's like I can't accept the fact that I have some measure of talent and that that's been improved by all the writing I've been doing and that maybe - just maybe - I'd have a chance on my own, under my own banner, so to speak.

Maybe I need to work on that.

My grandparents were both impressed by that little traffic report I wrote (Grandpa even said my writing was 'brilliant') and Mum has always been supportive - she's even told me that I was better than her at fiction (which I just asdfghjkl;) and then there's all the sweethearts I seem to meet online who like the little things I write and I just... *sigh* yeah. It's... it's been a day today.

Pictures and Stuff Like That

First off, a new blog theme has been fitted on tumblr:

This new theme features all pages contained in the spinning disk on the sidebar, cleaning up the interface and leaving more room for description and decoration. The colour scheme is black, purple, white, and blue and the background is an image of New York City, featuring a quote from Gottfried Leibniz on the right-hand side.

This new theme is expected to last well into 2014.

And now, a look at the academic calendar:

Stress is expected and participants in all academic activities are reminded to take frequent breaks for video games and social media. *shuffles papers* Oh. It seems that two classes have been added to the three seen here - Algebra and an Introduction to World Languages. In the interest of saving both trees and money, neither of these classes require textbooks.

In addition to their standard academic studies of mind control and medical care, students will also be learning about microbes this year. Each student will get to take home and look after cute, fuzzy giant microbes just like this guy:

Mortimer the Mad Cow Microbe. Bovine spongiform encephalopathy never looked so cute~

And now, traffic:

The world is quiet. Darkness floods the streets in slow motion, bleeding out from the evening's long shadows. The stars hang low in their black velvet ocean.

The car's tires squeal as it rounds the corner, losing traction and sliding.

"Stop the car!" the woman screams. "Stop the car!"

The man doesn't listen. He stands on the accelerator.

The car runs onto the grass and stops, scraping the retaining wall and resting, wedged onto the neighbourhood's water main. The man runs down a long hill. And the woman runs down a dark street. And the neighbours, having heard the crash, pull on their shoes and take the steps down to the night-flooded street at a jog.

The car's lights are flashing but there is no horn, no water hissing, no sound but the concerned murmurs and calls of the neighbours, fading in the still, slightly sticky air left over after a warm day.

The woman is found. She is bleeding but fixable. She is walking and speaking and the police arrive and she walks and speaks with them. I walk and speak with my neighbours, on the night-flooded street, while the stars hang low in their black velvet ocean.

This has been - traffic.*

And now, the weather.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wonderful news, Writerland.

I am, of course, very aware of the date today. While I refuse to completely ignore the significance of the eleventh of September in American history, I feel that I am not qualified (or possibly not eloquent enough) to speak on it at length. Or at all, to be perfectly honest.

On quite a different note, I feel I have to share that today is the one month anniversary of my friendship-marriage to my darling Ryo - a very wonderful friend of mine. I really couldn't ask for a better friend than her and I am so glad that she stumbled across an old post of mine and sent me a message. It's likely that we never would have started talking without that. And I really can't express how saddened I am at that thought.

We'll meet for the first time AFK* at DashCon in 2014 and it would be impossible to explain how much I'm looking forward to it.

Now, Writerland, as the sun rises and day begins for many of you, I leave you with this, one of my favourite quotations:

"...A little acid, sharpness or bitterness is often more pleasing than sugar; shadows enhance colours; and even a dissonance in the right place gives relief to harmony."

Do not fear the darkness; it resides within each of us. Do not fear the pain of living; it is pain that reminds us that we live. Embrace all that life has for you, be it good, bad, or simply the cold gnawing of utter apathy. Know that you feel because you live. And you live because your existence matters. This world - this lovely, broken mess of a world - would not be the same without you.

Goodnight, Writerland. Goodnight.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* This actually happened. Some idiot wrecked at the end of the block and then bailed from the car - I just Night Vale'd the report up a little.
** Away From Keyboard

DashCon

This thing. This thing right here.

It's basically tumblrCon and it's in 2014 and the tickets/trip can be my birthday present. I won't ask for anything else - I'm not kidding.

Just wanted to put that out there.

*sigh* Okay...

I still have to read my Philosophy extracts, read my English assignments, post to the boards, edit the next chapter of Twelfth Generation, get as far in Maths as I can, finish reading 'The Smithsonian Institution', and write for Camp NaNoWriMo.

*groan*

I think I'm just going to answer my messages and then try to go to sleep. Get up and work in the morning, when I'm (hopefully) feeling a little less achy and stabby.

Okay

This post has lists. Also, I managed to get my old theme back, which is kinda great because I like it.

For tonight:

- Re-watch 'Tiger and Bunny' (Why: FEELINGS)
- Work on website
- WRITE
- Read
- Reply to RP posts

Things I need:

- A good, workable plan that I actually stick to
- More confidence in myself
- A good workout routine
- A space that is completely mine and feels like mine
- A binder (because biogirl + big boobs + gender weirdness = ??? Also for cosplay.)
- A good Japanese language course

Things I want eventually/as I can:

- Coloured jeans
- Striped shirts
- Pinstriped suits
- Scarves
- Killer heels
- Good men's dress shoes
- Corsets
- A good lingerie set or two (because I can)
- A good mix of underwear

I have so many ideas in my head for the house, I can't even function right now. I'm thinking, attitudes are affected by the way we act so all I have to do is keep up the act of being the greatest thing on two legs and, well, maybe it'll start to be a little true as time goes on.

Gah, I wanna go work on the house but it's not even ours yet. *headdesk* Okay. I'm just gonna sit up and work tonight. Finals are over (and I got a 90 on my last Psych test so, yeah). So glad that's over for right now. I have a little break and then 20 credit hours over the summer. I think I'm gonna try to work ahead a little once the online classrooms open up.

/NERD

Anyway. That's where that is. I'm way too full of nachos so I'm gonna curl up and watch TV for a little while and then curl up in bed and write until I get too tired to sting sentences together. I get to sleep in in the morning \(^o^)/

Bye for now, everyone~ Bye for now.

I have books

Well, I always have books but now I have school books:

English Comp II

Maths:

Philosophy:

and Sociology:

So... yeah. All this is crammed into about eight weeks of online courses.

That's... yeah.

I know I'll be fine but that's 20 credit hours right there.

*sigh*

I think I'm going to get that paper done - Crew Cut (meaning my English teacher - he cut his hair recently because he got tired of combing it) gave me an interesting idea: What is the separation between our authentic self and the self created to fit with mainstream society? In addition, to what degree are we in control of our authentic self?

Thing is, I only have five pages. I'm not sure I can answer that in five pages. Plus I'm tying it in with a 1999 study of how action figures have changed over the years and how that may be contributing to the rates of eating disorders in men, so I have to choose my quotes pretty carefully so it doesn't come off as too clinical.

And this is due by noon tomorrow.

If anyone is bracing to go to college, pay attention to this. This is will be your life soon.

And that was creepier than it needed to be. Moving on...

I will try to do Camp NaNoWriMo next month since school will be out of the way for a while but I haven't been writing much lately. This annoys me greatly.

So. I'm going to go down some coffee, get that done, and then maybe plan or write a little. I just have too much stuff in my head right now, I think. I'm just trying to plan for too much.

Back to work.... Bye for now~