The Dangers of Many Things

Namely, the dangers of staying up late, the dangers of writing, and the dangers of reading.

Which, upon closer inspection, sound like a series. Like 'And next on my list is Rabbit Hart's 'The Dangers of Many Things' series. I have the first three books here - The Dangers of Staying up Late, The Dangers of Writing, and The Dangers of Reading.'

Anyway.

First order of business: I have found a site I truly love. And it is this site [right here].

(For those of you who don't want to click that, it goes to a site called the Book Depository, which is great and you should go there. That place makes me feel like I need to set aside a 'book budget' each month just for this place. It is a beautiful thing.)

Secondly, I am planning.

I realize that I plan a lot and not much seems to come of it most times but I feel like being serious for a while here.

I am planning on using Camp NaNoWriMo (in July) to revamp a story of mine that I'm still a bit in love with but that I hadn't really gotten around to, you know, fixing. And I'm like unusually focused about this right now. I even bought a book (which I'd kind of been wanting to read for a while, honestly) off of a gift card just so I could write the main relationship correctly.

You know, it's weird: that trip to Chicago really kinda shook things up. (A longer post about that trip is coming, by the by, I just haven't finished it yet.) I guess it might have made me realize that A) there's way more to life than just this little logging town and the comfortable rut Mom and I were essentially living in, at least mentally, and B) a lot of my productivity is tied to how much I'm reading. As soon as I finish a book, I want to do two things - pick up another one, and go write one myself.

So.

I'm going to hang out for a little bit longer. Maybe finish reading Marley & Me. Tomorrow will probably be spent figuring out just what the hell I mean to do exactly, watching The Venture Bros., making awesome food for dinner, and writing things.

I'm oddly happy about that simple prospect.

*lies down loudly*

Why is it that I seem to require some kind of massive breakdown before I realize that I'm actually okay and can do more than I think I can? It's becoming very annoying.

I think a lot of my issue comes from the fact that you hear so many people say 'writing is so much harder than most people think it is'. While that's basically true, I've always found it fairly easy. Sure, getting the right words and the right feeling and all of that is difficult at times but by and large, it's no more so than getting the right words for anything else. The issue then becomes feeling like I'm not any good or doing something wrong when I don't have the problems that other writers seem to.

Yes, it's easier when you're inspired by something but even if not, it's all a matter of getting as close to the finished product as you can, even if that takes you much longer than you thought it would and you've scrapped fifty first pages already just because the tone wasn't right. The beginning writes the end, in a lot of ways.

I'm not really sure what I'm getting at here. I guess I'm just getting tired of a lot of things about my life recently. Realizing that I'm actually fairly depressed more often than I'd thought was a little disheartening and from there came the desire to reinvent a few things about myself - at least in terms of my 'professional' image. See, I'm slightly in love with the idea of being some vain and deadly creature - classy vampire detective, I guess you could say. And that aesthetic isn't so difficult to get, all in all. At the very least, it's fairly easy to maintain over the length of a few website updates.

I'm starting to think it's much easier, at least in the short term, to work piece by piece rather than trying to build an entire brand without any nails, so to speak. I'm not sure what the final image will be. It's almost a 'book for a puzzle piece' model this way. Something to be uncovered as you go.

But mostly, this is a post to let you all know I'm still alive. I'm still in my pajamas at one in the afternoon, I'm missing my girlfriend, and I'm thinking of making some extra money to get us each one of those Pandora charm bracelets for St. Valentines Day (we're thinking of traveling around once she's certified to teach English so it would be kind of cool to have a little, portable record of where we've been and junk) but I'm still alive.

For right now, I think I'm going to do my best not to stress about things. When I get too stressed about things, nothing gets done, whereas when I'm calm and somewhat happy about things, they tend to move along without a hitch, at least most of the time.

Wish me luck... and maybe some self-confidence and coffee?

On a Slightly Serious Note

I have things.

These are interesting things, I think.

The first thing is this: A tumblr blog where I can reblog inspiration and things.

The second thing is related to the first thing: The second thing is a website.

I'm showing you these things now so that you can get used to the fact that they exist. Because they do. And I intend to use them. Therefore, I shall post them here and hope that a few of my WriMo friends will help to keep me accountable. (Even if they don't, I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now and I'm going to do my best to keep that going. So there.)

Well. that was about all I had for that. I have a novella in edits right now about an asexual high school girl falling in love with a mermaid while visiting her father in Astoria, Oregon so... I think that's pretty neat.

Anywho... I'm going to let you get back to your thing. It looked kind of important.

Bye for now, everyone~ Bye for now.

Random Post

containing links to geeky crap I find cool.

First: Post-Apocalyptic Internet Radio [here]

Really cool for writers, I think. Just have it playing in the background and pretend you're hiding out with your small survivor colony. Music and messages - people talking about the current state of their area of the world. It's actually pretty immersive just as it is, though there is some repetition.

Second: Cyberpunk Radio Browser Setup [one] [two] [three]

Just a really cool combination for anyone doing techno-anything. Pretty easy to put yourself way up over a sprawling city in some glass and metal high-rise, the streetlights down below making out the neural network of the city through the thin film of rain.

Third: Numbers [----]

No one speaks of these things. I have not spoken of them and you have never heard of them.

Fourth: A Writing tumblr [not mine, someone else's]

All kinds of stuff: music/playlists, prompts, advice, etc. It's a neat place to look around if you're feeling stuck.

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That was really all for this post. I just woke up a couple hours ago so I'm kind of cozy and a little hungry right now. I'm probably going to go get food and then settle down and finish a chapter of the book I've been working on. It's, like, three pages and one good edit from done and it's starting to bug me.

So, yeah. Food then words.

I have so many projects in my head that I really want to do just because I can. Isn't that annoying? I mean, not that I want to do things but that I want to do a) ALL THE THINGS and b) things which have a very low chance of producing any income at all (aside from maybe a donate button and you know how those things are kind of hit and miss as to whether or not anyone likes you enough to donate anything to keep you running).

[Tunnel Snakes rule! We're the Tunnel Snakes. That's us. And we rule!]

Anywho... It's starting to get light outside so I think I'm going to go sit at my desk and try to get something useful done.

I've been feeling all weird and restless lately so hopefully that goes away soon. It's hard to work through a film of 'DO ALL THE THINGS' and 'I just wanna lie on the floor like a slug.'

Bye for now, everyone~ Bye for now.

I'm not up late

It's after midnight, which means I'm up early and you're lazy.

Or something.

So... A little while back, my mother suggested (completely seriously) that I basically write gay porn for a living. Like, erotica. I've given it a lot of thought over the past few days and I've decided that... yeah, sure, I'm gonna do the thing.

I have ideas. Like ones that got me the response 'That's hot. I'm not into gay guys but that's hot'. So I'm calling that a win and jumping into the erotica swimming pool (which, on second thought, might actually be unforgivably gross) pretty much as soon as school is out. Because really, who wouldn't love to hang around in a roomette on a train on their way to an anime/gaming convention, sipping wine and writing about hot morticians and lonely accountants? I'll tell you who: people with amazingly different life goals from myself.

Honestly, I'm pretty damn 'up' right now because I was tagged in this:

on tumblr. By my girlfriend. And I can't even believe how quickly your life can change sometimes, you know? It's just... yeah. No words. To put this into perspective, I am slowly 'growing out of' being so locked-down socially - as in, never talking to anyone or doing anything that requires me to talk to anyone or do things on my own. Since I actually met her, I've gone and walked around the Artist's Alley at a con (bought stuff, talked with all kinds of really great people), gone to a very nice restaurant, just me and her (ordered and paid and everything), and I'm giving some thought to moving into a studio apartment here in town once I have my personal financial situation sorted out, so I'll have a rental and credit history (in general - because that's probably a good thing to have anyway - and in case I really do decide to move up to where she is in a few years).

That's a hell of a lot of change for one person to cause, I'll tell you that much.

But that kinda brings me to a point I've been meaning to address on here: I'm really thinking that my aro/ace leanings (while possibly legitimate in that I may be demisexual) were likely the result of my habit of locking down all of my emotions due to my past. I'd think, 'relationships are nothing but pain and trouble and drama and I will never be willingly involved in that mess' and so I kept to myself so much because it lessened the chance that I'd find someone who I 'clicked' with. Please note that I in no way mean to say that 'well, I'm not really aromantic/asexual - it was just a phase/I just needed to find someone'. That's not only inaccurate and offensive, it's also not the point of this at all.

What I mean by all of this is that it's hard to figure yourself out. It doesn't matter how long you've been here, if you're still living, you're still learning. Life is flux and the degree to which someone experiences that flux is very personal. Some people don't seem to change at all, others are radically different within half a year and they don't seem to slow down at all after that. Age, background, new experiences - all of these things will change the way you see yourself and the world around you. That's not to say that it necessarily changes 'you' - the 'you' that is actually 'you' - but it may change the way you interact with or perceive yourself.

I'm not sure if that makes any sense at all since it's so late right now but that's basically where my head's at with the whole thing. I'm apparently genderqueer and possibly some manner of bi-demisexual.

Totally honest here: I like labels for the convenience but they can be frustrating as hell sometimes.

So, before I stay up even later than I already have, I'm going to leave you with this link: [This link. Right here. You should click it.] It leads to a wordpress blog and a chapter by chapter recap of the infamous (for myself and all of the others writers I've come into contact with) 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. If you want to see what this... thing is actually like, I'd suggest taking a day or so and reading through these recaps. You may need wine and calming pictures for the anger flares and frustration, though.

It's about four in the morning now (I really don't know how I keep managing this but it needs to stop) and my stomach's starting to growl so I think I'll be going to sleep here pretty soon. I hope you all have a great day/evening/night/whatever time is it where you are, and I'll see you soon with... maybe a post about a car show?

Bye for now~ *waves*

Strange Facts and Useless Information 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today's strange fact is: Doug Jones' BMI is calculated to be 17.9, based on the facts I've found. That's about five pounds underweight but he looks/is awesome so meh.

Now, on to the 'Useless Information' section of the post:

I am not drunk (let's just get that out of the way now) but I did have a glass of wine just a little while ago so... yeah...

Mum and I stayed up too late talking about gay guys (well, gay characters, but still).

It's kind of funny actually because I was writing a little of the idea we were kicking around and one of the guys is kinda like:

and the other's kinda nerdy and awkward so he's all like:

And because I am a serious author, I find this both endearing and hilarious.

This should also sufficiently explain why I'm up at two in the morning writing about cute gay guys.

. . .

Whatdaya mean,  'it doesn't'?

//sigh

Bottom line, I have two ghost-written books and three of my own that I really want to get finished and soon. If I can do that and lose about 32 pounds, I'll be pretty damn happy.

This was kind of a filler post while I get my thoughts and junk organised for a better one, probably about DashCon and the train trips and all that. So, you know, enjoy.

I'm about to fall asleep so...

Until next time (which is hopefully pretty soon), everyone~

A Light But Relentless Drizzle of Anchovies

That describes my day just about perfectly. If it had started raining anchovies, I would not have been surprised. In fact, I'm pretty sure I would have simply sighed and gone to find an umbrella.

Weirdness incarnate.

Let's go down the list:

1) Woke up six hours early because I thought I could work and actually do something useful. Couldn't focus and wound up writing camerashipping. I woke up six hours early to write camerashipping. (It's a fandom thing, if you couldn't guess by my usual level of geekiness.)

2) Found a confession in my tumblr inbox. "So for a little while now I’ve had a crush on you, and I mean an actual crush". It was a long message. And I'm embarrassed for a few reasons: First off, because I didn't actually know. I am, like, BBC Sherlock-level bad at picking up on emotions, especially anything to do with love. My mother guessed it way before I had any idea. Secondly, the person felt like they were annoying me by telling me and I just find that super sad. Worst part is I sort of have what they call a 'squish' on them - which is basically the asexual version of a crush. Awkward all over.

3) I got a 93 on my math final. So that's good.

4) I saw a guy from my CPR class and he stopped me outside and asked me what was on the final (since he failed the class last time. Somehow.) Then we talked about Monster High (because I have a shirt from it and his oldest daughter has some wristbands from it, apparently).

5) Oh, and I got smiled at by some guy because I held a door for him.

So yeah, most of today has been one long 'WTF is going on with my life' moment.

So I'm working on a Website

[You should be able to click that and make it bigger.]

So yeah. Lately I've been getting a little tired of all the deliberate queerbaiting in most mainstream media and the fact that (almost) every protagonist is a straight white male and that even horror/gore shows aren't immune to completely unnecessary sex scenes and romantic subplots.

I'm just gettin' a little huffy in general, to be fair. So, I figured 'Hey, Rabbit... you can write. And there are some free or super cheap but still really good publishing channels out there (like CreateSpace and Smashwords, etc.) where you wouldn't be fighting a bunch of industry bullshit about GSM* themes. Plus nowadays you can make a pretty quality website for nothin' or next-to-nothin', so why not use what you've got?'

And then I said, 'You know what, Rabbit? That's a pretty good idea. We should hang out more.'

And then I said, 'I know, right? Next week though - I'm under the gun on some ghost-writing.'

And I said, 'Yeah, no, I totally understand.'

. . .

*looks around* Where am I?

So that was basically how that happened. I'm still messing with the groundwork obviously, trying to decide what I feel I can write well enough to include, but the idea is there and that's a start.

I got to thinking that if we ever want to see this shift in the entertainment industry, it's going to have to come from the fans first. Big companies won't risk alienating that much of their market by taking any kind of political stand - which, in a way, I can understand. I mean, I might not like it but business is business. And that's really why it's got to come from outside the industry first.

But I'm not going to ramble about this right now. (First because it's way too warm in this room, and second because I don't really have myself together enough to write things out properly and I'd rather not make my point but make it poorly.) Right now, I'm going to take a break, maybe get something to eat, then come back and get at least a few more pages done on a (now overdue) project. Thankfully, the client is very understanding.

Oh, and school. School is in there too somewhere. And DashCon.

A lot is going on right now.

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*Gender and Sexual Minorities

Update Time

So my sleep schedule is still a little borked but overall, I've been feeling a lot better. I even wrote something new for 'Outlast: Whistleblower', and it's been a while since I've written anything for my writing blog.

[Tags and comments on said piece include: 'ow fucking ow' 'damn your headcanon for giving me these feels - I didn't sign up for this', 'LAYS THE FUCK DOWN' 'THIS ENTIRE THING IS JUST PAIN TO ME' 'EVERYONE READ THIS', 'This is great, thanks for posting it! 'new headcanon accepted', and of course the flawless comment: 'i feel like my soul just collapsed in o n itself'.]

Aside from that, I've just been hanging out and painting/watching people paint my room. The fumes are giving me a headache but it's not that bad. I've got the window cracked and a fan running and that's helping.

Also... have you ever heard The Kimberly Story? The audio isn't that great but it was told by a teacher to his students and... A) it gives me a lot of ideas because, hey, writer and B) it's just kinda freaking creepy.

It's stupidly early and... yeah, I'm awake for some dumbass reason, and causing a lot of shared emotional pain over fictional people in the Skype group. So, yeah, pretty good day so far.

I think I'm gonna lie back down pretty soon and just rest for a while. I've been very tired lately since I'm not used to doing so much physical work.

Creepy Crap and Gay Stuff

Also known as 'Everything I ever write, ever'.

Presented for your consideration:
RP Blog One [Trager]: The 'doctor' is psycho-crazy-bonkers and currently has a sort of serial-killer crush on the reporter (though, I do feel I can blame another Trager-blogger for that one, at least partially).
RP Blog Two [Miles]: Not as active in general (because mental trauma and also because the fandom is just really quiet right now - we're all waiting for the DLC to come out) but I play him as bisexual because why not?
Original Project One: Dystopian world where everyone is happy and healthy. And so the 'rebellious' side of the population often walks headfirst into 'dangerous' books, movies, behaviours, etc. [Creepy.]
Original Project Two: Vampire Sherlock Holmes in New York City. [Creepy and kind of gay]
Original Project Three: Lesbians and Latin. That's... about all that story is. [Hella gay]
Original Project Four: Cyberpunk assassin, psychological manipulation and amnesia barriers based loosely off of MK ULTRA and similar projects, and wars between technologically advanced, augment-producing mega-corporations. [Super creepy and still kind of gay]

So that's apparently where my talent lies: bickering lesbians, snarky gay guys, and an assortment of non-gender-conforming individuals fighting monsters.

Awesome.

Also, stripes everywhere!

I don't know what it means but I have been seeing so many stripes lately, either black and white or black and grey. Maybe it just means that the best things are to be found between the lines - and that I should be writing. Most things mean that I should be writing. Because I should, say it with me: be writing.

You didn't say it with me.

Anyway, I'm doing slightly better in chem, my algebra grade has come up, my Latin grade is still an A, my earth science grade is an A, and Phys Ed is freaking easy so, yeah, passing that too. The quarter could have been worse, I'm sure. And I only have about two full weeks left. Joy~!

I do seriously need to start writing again. It's starting to bother be that I haven't even finished a fan-fic in a while (and those don't usually take me long at all). Huh. I should fix that. Maybe it'll get me back into writing things again.

In the meantime, I hope you all have a nice day/evening/night/whatever and I'll check in again when I (hopefully) have something more interesting to say. Or when I've made something cool in GIMP that I feel the overwhelming need to share. 'Cause that's very possible too.