2012 Highlights

The year in which a lot of things happened.

*Warning: This is somewhat stream-of-consciousness. Rambling ahead.*

Well... this year:

I tried to stop hiding quite so much... and found out that my atomic number really is 83.

*NERD JOKES NERD JOKES NERD JOKES*

I learned that I'm likely genderqueer/agender and really don't care about clothes/pronouns/whatever.

And I learned that my grandfather, while he might not understand, really won't stop loving me. (He's also 80 and has taken a liking to telling us to have a 'super sparkly day'. It's awesome XD)

I watched a lot of new anime and got into Six Feet Under (and realised that the DVDs aren't censored. 0.o)

I got obsessed with Tiger and Bunny (again). And Sherlock. And started the Millennium Trilogy.

And I found out that someone on the internet actually likes me and thinks I'm a 'voice of reason' (and she's cool, too!):

(I'm on her 'Homies' list.)

And that I'm interesting enough to have 48 Followers on tumblr. And to have had, at one point, 100 on Twitter. Two of the people I was so amazed by at first on tumblr have wound up in a mutual follow-thing with me.

And that being bored when you have manga caps and Paint leads to stupid things like 'Texts from the 27th':

And that if I talk to new people, they usually won't tell me to go away and I can actually make a few friends that way. I'm grateful for all of them.

It was my first year being in the writing community for longer than about a month. It was my second NaNoWriMo, which, by the way:

Yeah.

I wrote a lot and figured out a new system that works a lot better for keeping track of things. All my ideas are now in a spreadsheet containing, from left to right:

Title
Genre
Starting WC
Ending WC
Length (Novel/Novella/etc.)
Stage (First Draft/Editing/etc.)
Body Count
Pen Name
(Project) Blog (Does it have one?)
Cover (Does it have one?)
Series (if it's part of one)
Soundtrack (Does it have one?)

(Actually, I'll type 'Blog', 'Cover', and 'Soundtrack' in if those are done.)

I discovered The Hectic Glow:

And got my heart ripped out by a fan story.

And then again by an original book.

I rediscovered fandoms and found several new ones. I connected and reconnected, cluttered up and simplified. I talked with new people and found some common ground. I figured my life out, scrapped the plan and figured it all out again. And then started reworking the plan one more time.

I discovered that I'm a writer, an artist and a hobbyist deathling. I wound up obsessed with shows, movies, books - new and old.

I dug up all kinds of amazing music. And all kinds of ideas. And all kinds of new interesting things other people have done, including Salad Fingers and the Creepy Puppet Project.

I also rekindled a love of Creepypastas (good ones, at least).

It was a year of:

and:

And the funny thing is that I can't wait to feel like this again.

It was also full of stupid autocorrect that has now found its way into our normal vocabulary. (Such as 'The world is full of ass waffles. Much llamas to you, my friend.')

So, now, 2013 is out ahead.

I think I'm ready for it.

It was roller-coaster of a year and, while it was a fun ride, I'm glad it's winding down. Here's to an awesome 2013 and I'll see you on the boards.

Knights and Dragons and War

Oh, my!

Anyway, it's the 30th which means Alice in Writerland will be in FantNo the day after tomorrow. We'll be staying for the whole month so be sure to swing by.

I've never written fantasy before and it's just... really freakin' fun, you know? It's one in the morning and I am cold and I have a stitch in my side from the way I'm sitting and I feel like I'm just the greatest thing on two legs right now.

(Even though one of the stories I'm planning this year has an ending planned that is going to warrant this image:

So, yeah.)

(And yes, it does say 'my house' and 'the nearest cliff'. It's that painful. I am sorry to any future readers.)

I don't want to give anything away about that plot (well, I do, but I kind of can't) so this is going to be a shorter 'ZOMG I figured it out and this year is going the be FULL OF FEELS!' update post.

Tomorrow should (should, mind) see a 'year in review' kind of post and then we'll be jumping into writing and life updates from the new year. W00t?

Stay safe on New Years, everyone. There a lot of idiots out this time of year and it pays to stay off the roads late at night if you can.

So... see you once more this year~

Happy Christmas!

Or whatever you celebrate/if you celebrate.

Quick update because I am freezing!

- My grandma got two new video games and spent a decent amount of time playing them today.
- My grandpa asked if my mum and I were having a 'super sparkly day'. (Keep in mind that the man is 80.)
- I received:
-- The box set of the entire series 'Six Feet Under'
-- A Casket Ring (you can hide things in it)
-- A small hearse necklace
-- A casket key-chain
-- And a DVD called 'The Undertaking' (It's about funeral science, in case that wasn't readily apparent.)

So. I'm probably going to do one or several of the following:

- Finish reading a fan story that I still haven't gotten to the end of.
- Start reading 'The Girl Who Played With Fire'
- Watch a DVD/Watch a creepy YouTube video/Watch anime
- Reorganise my Excel spreadsheet for the new year
- Play around in ZenWriter
- Try to complete a soundtrack for a story
- Plan a war (It's for a book, I swear!)
- Plan an emotionally scarring crime/drama novel
- Sleep

Actually sleep is probably going to win. All of this just became by 'To Do' list for tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be fun.

Okay. I hope you all had a wonderful, wonderful day and I will see you all later on.

Bye for now, everyone~

I don't have a title.

And, apparently, my entire life up to this point has been a sham. I can't write. I can't produce a simple story.

Now, to distract from this troubling revelation, here are some other things:

Section One: Reading

I finished 'The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo' yesterday. Actually, a very good read. It's painted in very broad strokes most of the time and that took some getting used to but all in all, it was very good.

I'm a bit bothered by Lisbeth's portrayal and can generally take or leave Blomkvist but overall, it's a rather good story. I'm working my way through the trilogy.

Section Two: Writing

Things are happening. I'm not sure what things but they're happening. I have ideas and a more concrete idea about said ideas.

Also, I think that my characters work best if they're fundamentally screwed up. Aside from that, not much going on.

Section Two-A: WriYe and Arrow of Eloquence

As you may or may not know, Arrow of Eloquence has an amazing person by the name of Siana Blackwood handling the forum when I'm too lazy too - which is, let's face it, most of the time. The 2013 year has been dubbed 'Rise of the YeSpiMad'* and has a suitably awesome forum skin.

We're a small community but we're supportive and everybody knows everybody so, you know, go ahead and stop by when you feel like it. It's a little bit chaotic right now since we're starting to change things over for 2013.

WriYe is still a go for me since the word goal is actually fairly reasonable. It's a nice board. The people seem friendly enough and they have a blogging circle - which, by the way, can be found on the 'Other Inmates' page.

*WriMo shorthand meaning 'Year of Spiralling into Madness'

Section Two-B: Let's Play: WriMo World Tour

Really. It's like:

NaNoWriMo is the Big City. It's the one that everyone wants to go to and everyone dreams about and all that. It's like New York (or possibly Hollywood).

Places like AugNoWriMo and JulNoWriMo are larger towns, places that people have heard about but that don't make the Inkslinger Daily as often.

JanNoWriMo, FebNoWriMo, and similar ones are smaller towns. Slower traffic and not many people.

Places like Arrow of Eloquence are like the residential sections of small towns. Everybody knows their neighbours and most people get along wonderfully.


Section Three: Fandom

Multi-fandom fan site thing.

That's what I'm thinking of. I'm still screwing around with ideas but it might work. Mainly I just want a little project that I can work on without ever thinking 'How can I make money off of this?'


Section Four: The Zombie Apocalypse

Not much to report. Saw my neighbour shambling around her garden but she didn't bother me. One good thing about being so isolated, I guess. No one's too murderous. I think I'll stay inside for today and go on a scouting mission sometime tomorrow or the next day. We have enough food to last a while, even if we lose power eventually.

Stay safe, guys. Look for early warning signs and protect yourselves. It's in your hands now. I'll see you soon.

Popular Posts

I have them, apparently.

Here:

Anatomy of a May WriMo
JulNoWriMo Part 1 - Jezzy Sucks at Writing
Let's Play 'Writers Life' - Part 1 - HIP-HOP ZOMBIES!
. . .
Literal Blog Post
I support Non-Human and Trans-Human Rights (it was like a 'creative writing post' - how did this happen?)
Entry the Seventh: Now I have to memorise a math book.
Fourteen: I just keep finding ways to clutter up that sidebar
Nineteen: Strange Facts and Useless Information
Rambly headcanon/questions post

And I've noticed something:

All of these posts are either short or longer but interesting because the topic changes, like I'm talking naturally.

So, basically, I seem to have moments where, periodically, I forget to just be me.

For example:

It's like, raining and it is hella dark outside. I love it. It's also freezing. I put my hand against the glass in my window this morning. Horrible idea - will never do it again.

Also, my right calf is scratched up something awful. No idea why. My nails have all broken back so far I can't scratch anything with them. Also, my hair is weird. Like, pieces keep separating out and getting in my face. I never noticed this back home; it's just down here.

By the segue... starting WriYe in the desert is gonna be fun. I'm thinking of having the main original project that I work on and having a small fan-story that I can jump back and forth to when I just can't focus. That way I'm still practising - still writing - but I'm getting a break too. Plus that would give me an excuse to keep working on the Weebly site I've been playing around with. I do want to do something with it - I'm just not ultimately sure what.

Of course, I can hardly do fan-stories anymore since I always write a few chapters and then change it into something original. I don't know why - it just always happens.

Having a blog is really very interesting.

I can look back and actually see my concept of 'normal' falling apart as I learn more about myself and the world.

I think it's the rain. The rain always makes me like this - rambly and talkative and wanting to write.

Another thing I've noticed about those popular posts is that I generally deliver something that people like or at least find interesting.

Like, for example, the movie V for Vendetta is a proponent of a very specific kind of heroism - namely that large, sweeping gestures are A) universally good when going up against a corrupt government and B) universally liked among the oppressed people.

In reality, neither of these are true. Now, I realise the fiction operates under neater laws than the real world does. Things have reasons in fiction. V for Vendetta was a wonderful movie.

And it got me thinking.

Why is it that we typically associate heroes with these large gestures that at times boarder on anarchism? I feel it's simply because, even in the real world, these large gestures serve an important purpose. They are not the be-all, end-all as is typically seen in most fiction but they do shock the public into paying attention.

That's all.

These violent, larger-that-life schemes, positive or negative, shock the public into paying attention.

I really think that's at least a large part of why our social construction often praises people who are violent for a 'good' cause (like soldiers) and condemns those who are violent for an 'unworthy' cause (like most assassins you'll ever hear about).

It's all really interesting.

But that's where my head's at today. I think I'm going to figure out exactly how to tackle the work I've got and then maybe go read some more. It's just one of those days, you know. Cosy.

I'm noticing something...

Several things, really:

1) I do better if I'm either encouraged or obnoxiously discouraged. If I'm encouraged and have people around me who are into the same kinds of things that I am, I feed off of that. If I'm obnoxiously discouraged, I feel the need to prove that I can do whatever I want and essentially one-up whoever was annoying me.

2) I need an outline. Not a full outline because I just cannot work from one of those but some semblance of an outline would probably be useful.

3) This place just drains me.

and 4) Some days I have way too many opinions to be on the internet.

But.

My writing is better organised, everything in its own folder. I'm slowly going though everything I can organize and basically just getting it as done as I can.

Really, I need to stop and plan that trilogy of mine out. I have a basic idea of each book (and I mean very basic) but I need a better map than that. And, randomly, I wonder if doing fan stories again would help at all or if I'd just wind up feeling like I should be working on my original stuff? I'm thinking it could be either way. But if I did, at least I'd have a use for my website.

...

I stayed up all night. And I actually feel pretty good, all in all. Basically, I'm channelling my NaNo MMC.

I feel like I should have a page here that defines all the stupid/weird terms I use. Of course there's a limit to how many pages that top bar can fit so I'd wind up linking it in the sidebar or something and we all know that there isn't a lot of room over there anymore. (I probably should do something else with that, I'm still not entirely happy with it.)

*sigh*

It's just not a good month, you know? Like, 'I'm once again considering getting my tongue/lip/eyebrow pierced' bad.

It's around three in the afternoon now. I'm gonna try to make it until about five and then crash. That should get my schedule back a little closer to normal.

Next year is WriYe. That should help. I hope.

Bye for now, everyone. I'm gonna wrap this up before I ramble any more than I already did. I'll check in again (at least once) before the end of the year.

Zydrate comes in a little glass vial.

A little glass vial?
A little glass vial!

(I'm on a Repo! kick. Again.)

I'm also having really bad ideas for books. Like, seriously my notes are a mess. I think I might take the rest of this month and clean things up and get them organised. My current system kind of sucks but I'm not sure what to do with it.

I'm thinking of doing WriYe in 2013. Yeah. (No one talked me off the ledge.) Maybe just a 300,000 word goal, though. I mean, it is for the whole year and that should give me time to go other things. Right? I think so but then again, I'm weird like that. Plus, it just looks like fun for some stupid reason. I probably won't do the whole validation thing for this, I just like the community. They keep me (relatively in)sane.

Too late. This is happening.

help.

Also, the 'Hire Me' page is back up top. (Please to be noticing it now.) It might need some tweaking as I get things figured out but for now, well, there it is. I wish to help you hack up a manuscript and then put it back together. It's like a puzzle you made yourself. Or something.

I don't know - I feel like things are happening and I'm all excited!

I feel like my ideas are a little more vivid for this next year. I mean, don't get me wrong, this month kind of sucks  in terms of how I actually feel, but I kind of think I'm close to figuring things out. I just have to work a little bit at a time, something that I'm generally not very good at.

So yeah. That's where all this is. The last week in December, I think I'll post up my 2013 Challenge page and the one for my goal-list thing for the year. I'd just like to have them in the open so that I'm more willing to work on them because people can tell if I'm not.

I'm either going to A) go back to editing and try to get that scene figured out from this characters perspective, B) go and try to figure out a better system for keeping my writing organised, C) spend some time working on outlining techniques and getting a rough idea of what my first two stories of the year should be, D) eat seaweed and play around on forums, or E) effectively say 'screw it' and go watch TV.

It's probably going to wind up being a muddled mix of most of these, actually.

Oh, well.

Have an awesome day, everyone. I hope you're having a better overall month than I am. (2012 really needs to knock this crap off.)

Feeling better

See this?

Of course you do.

This is a small part of why I'm feeling a little better.

This was quickly kept in check by GIMP being an unremitting douche and me trying to edit. (One of the comments made to myself was, in fact, 'STOP SWITCHING POV MID-SCENE. FUCKING HELL.')

...

I'm not nice to myself. Also, I don't need to curse as much as I'd like to sometimes. Anyway.

Really, I cannot get the text boxes to actually display the text I've shoved into them in GIMP lately. I have no idea why. I just... can't get it to work. So, yeah, taking a break for a little while.

EDIT: I got it figured out. I was on the wrong layer. I hang my head in shame.

So, I need the blurb-thing for the back and whatever else he wants on there and then we're done. Yay.

...

I'm working on a book cover, in case that wasn't readily apparent.

But our Christmas tree is up! I might snag a picture or two to post in the next update. It's really cosy-looking. I got to put the angel up on top. I've done that for twenty years now. Wow. Oh, and we fought with the lights, like always. It was kind of fun in a very frustrating way.

So, while I'm waiting, I think I'll go scrounge up some food and then settle in and watch TV or schedule things or edit or... I don't know, do something.

(It's a weird moment for me. It's like DO ALL THE THINGS combined with This Is Never Getting Done. I also have to pee, which I'm pretty sure is unrelated.)

Bye for now, guys. Thanks so much for putting up with me this year ^^ I bat-love all of you.

In which watching TV shows online is preferable to working.

Really.

I have not been able to focus on anything. All I want to do for the next day or so is curl up and watch TV. Just shut my brain off for a little while.

I've been working on a cover for someone. That's going pretty well but we're kind of at a standstill because there's just not a lot more I can do without more information.

So there's that.

I think I just need a break.

- Finish the cover
- Edit/Combine with 'second draft' (The Book is getting there. Slowly.)
- Set up your 'Hire Me' page again. (I offer editing services)
- Get your list for 2013 finalised
- Set up your project blogs
- Get some semblance of an outline (one that actually works for you) for January.
- Do everything else you're forgetting about right now

Yeah.

I have a lot that I'd like to get done. And no motivation to actually do it. Well, that's not true. It's more like there's a kind of mental block or something. It's not just writer's block either - it's everything.

*sigh*

Screw this - I am now a pony:

I am purple. My name is (apparently) Flare and I am purple. I love me.

(Also, I kinda wanna do this to my hair. It looks awesome.)

For right now, I'm going to curl up and watch shows. Tomorrow (or maybe the day after) I'll jump back on writing, editing and general creativity. For right now, though, I just need to relax.

I hope you all have a nice, relaxing weekend and I will see you maybe on Monday? When I don't feel the need to be a pony anymore?

Yeah. Maybe Monday.

Bye for now, everyone. Have an awesome weekend.

Updates on the List

FantNoWriMo will be in January, June, August, and October.

Script Frenzy in April can still be done but will not be official as the program has been shut down.

Camp NaNoWriMo is in April and July.

But aside from that...

All of my blogs are locked down.
I have serious, life-changing world-domination goals.
I think I've figured out how to clean up the draft effectively.
Now I have to get back on track.

So.

I need an outline for next month. I'm not that worried about it but still, it'd be nice to be a little ahead of the game. Plus, I like that story.

Anyway.

This should probably be a short update so I don't ramble so much.

I have, though, figured out The Book. I think. I hope.

(I was watching a Let's Player named Cry and he just said 'I am adorably tiny! Hell yes!' So I'm sitting here laughing like an idiot. Good moment.)

...

Yeah. this was largely pointless.

I'm gonna go and actually write by book now. So, you know... bye for now, everyone. I shall return. With updates. And...maybe whatever else I can scrounge up that I think it interesting to talk about.

Timed Challenges List

Shamelessly stolen from NaNoFiMo.

I'll probably be posting a list of the ones I'm going to try to do for 2013 at the beginning of the year. Also, I'm an admin for Arrow of Eloquence. So that's cool

It's Sunday so I need to update LJ. I know no one cares about it but it bothers me if it just sits there and I don't want to close it down... So, yeah.

Here. Have a list.

All-year-round:
NaNoPlotMo- plan your next novel!
Genre Writers United- discuss all varieties of genre fiction
Arrow of Eloquence- a year-round hangout for the Pro-WriMo crowd. Also likely to be the home of the WIP-from-Hell challenge in 2013.
WriYe- choose your own writing goal for the whole year
Milwordy- write a million words in 12 months

January:
JanNoWriMo- writing challenge: 50k or your own goal
HistNoWriMo (Historic Novel Writing Month)- writing challenge (goal TBA)
FantNoWriMo- write a fantasy novel (your own goal)

February:
FebNoWriMo- writing challenge: your own goal

March:
MarNoWriMo- writing challenge: your own goal
NaNoEdMo- editing challenge: 50 hours of editing
MarNoReWriMo- rewriting challenge: write the second draft of a completed first draft (any length)

April:
April Fools- writing challenge: your own goal
Script Frenzy- scriptwriting challenge!
AprNoWriMo- writing challenge: your own goal

May:
NaMayWriMo- writing challenge: your own goal
Noveldom and Beyond- reading challenge: read 10,000 pages during May - August

June:
WriDaNoJu- writing challenge: 50k
Camp NaNoWriMo: 50k writing challenge

July:
JulNoWriMo- writing challenge: 50k

August:
AugNoWriMo- writing challenge: your own goal
Camp NaNoWriMo: 50k writing challenge

Setember:
SeptNoWriMo- editing and/or writing challenge: your own goal

October:
GothNoWriMoGothic novel writing challenge: 20k - 70k
SciFiWriMo- writing challenge for sci-fi/fantasy writers: your own goal
FantNoWriMo- write a fantasy novel (your own goal)
Octobernovelwritingmonth- write a novel in October: your own goal

November:
NaNoWriMo- writing challenge: 50k

December:
NaNoFiMo- writing challenge: add 30k to a WIP and/or finish it.

Happy Christmas/New Year.

I'm gonna go and actually write because I have a goal for this week. I know - weird, right?

Progress shall be noted here, along with any ramblings of a life-related nature that I deem interesting and/or space-filling enough to be included.

Bye for now, guys! Have fun planning your year XD

DO ALL THE THINGS!

Mum: 'Was she always this stubborn?'
Grandpa: 'Yep.'
Mum: 'So, you know what you were getting into.'
Grandpa: '...Well, I was young.'

(That exchange had nothing to do with anything - I just thought it was cute.)

So... yeah. I have project blogs to lock down. And I will probably be doing that in fits and starts for the day.

In other news, it's NaNoFiMo - National Novel Finishing Month - which means *throws black and silver confetti* I'll be diving back into the world of what I've so lovingly started referring to as 'The Book'.

This is mainly because 1) I feel  like I should be working on it and 2) that NaNo project needs a break while I untangle the plot threads.

'The Book' should wind up around 85k, I think.

So, yeah. That's the project. And I'm already riddled with self-doubt, which is a very unpleasant feeling, much like soul termites. Any other project and I swear I'd be fine but this one is just nagging at me. And nothing looks right. I think that's my main problem. Nothing I do looks right. It's like I know the story but I can't seem to get my fingers to believe me.

I have a better grasp on it now, I think. Maybe.

There's so much to do - it's just insane.

I'm a little panicky right now but... yeah. That'll fade out I'm pretty sure. I just need to work, right?

Right.

Yeah.

I'm gonna go... do that.

(This is an example of my anxiety-rambling. It doesn't have a point and just eats up space but I can't seem to knock it off.)

I'm actually going to go and work on something now, though. Bye for now, everyone. I will hopefully be back when I feel better.

... I need a list or something.

*collapse*

Ick.

All kinds of things.

My scale reads 127 at this time of night. This is problem and needs to be fixed like now.

(I've also noticed that when writing for Heavy Rain - which will, for the record, require a major overhaul - and when planning for another project of mine, any issues with my weight seem magnified. Randy is underweight for his height and most of The Other Project revolves around not wasting the city's resources and not becoming a drain on the city. There is also a cap on ageing in that one. But that's neither here nor there.)

Life:

A decision has been made. I shall be an artist.

Of course, that means those so much stuff to figure out now but that can be done in fits and starts for a little while, until I stop panicking.

Writing:

There's the book.

This incomprehensible book.

Any other book, I can just write. Any other book, I can fix later and it doesn't feel so frightening. This one though... It's so... dark. And not in the typical way things I write are dark. It's a lasting darkness, something that has the potential to make this one of those books that stays with you for years.

And the least thing I want to do is screw that up.

So, it's to editing. To editing while I try not to ruin it.

Wish me luck.

Complaining Already:

Really. Everything I do looks cheap to me. I'm working on the site and everything I do looks cheap to me. I'm torn between being really professional with the white background and everything and thinking that that's just not what I do. This is not a bright company. It's a dark, horror kind of company. Our focus is on the unsettling, just not in an overly obvious way.

I want to use darker colours but I can't get a theme with them that I don't hate and I don't know enough about coding and CCS to make one.

So, you know, *HEADDESK*

I'm going about it in a different way now and I think it'll work out a little better like this. It's just gonna take forever.

FAKE Geekery:

I never noticed before but in the first volume (OMG, the art style changed so much 0.o) when Ryo is talking with Vikky at the station, he has his tie loosened, the button at his collar undone and he isn't wearing his suit jacket. In the very next scene without Vikky, his shirt is completely buttoned up again and he's fixed his tie.

I'm thinking that's one of the examples of him picking up on things and doing them without making a show of it. No jacket and his tie loosened is very similar to how he first saw Dee - namely, relaxed and not threatening. It's a less professional, more relaxed or easy-going look and so it shortens the psychological distance between him and Vikky at that point, meaning the boy may be more comfortable and more willing to talk.

Later, when Dee is around after Vikky gives them the information, Ryo moves back to the more professional side of the scale, fixing his tie. It's a small change but it still illustrates the distance between him and Dee.

Also, page 38 in volume one - Ryo is in street clothes. I hadn't noticed this before but his shoes have a decent heel on them in that shot - especially for a guy.

Anyway, it was one of those things that you notice on a second read-through.

Okay, I'm gonna go and try to get more things set up. (Just go down the list, right?) I'll see you all soon and hopefully I'll not be panicking and/or exhausted.

I'm Having an Existential Crisis

Seriously.

Like, here's what's happening:

Option A:

Become a mortician/funeral director. Go and have this big life and do all these big things in bigger places. (And move death from 'hobby' to 'career'.)

Option 2:

Get a small, nice apartment in a rainy little town, get a job at a pet store, start up a publishing/art company and have a nice life as a kind of jack-of-all-trades artist. (And be able to say 'Oh, no, no, it's just a hobby' when someone asks me if I'm obsessed with death.)

So.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

They both sound fun.

But, honestly, I'm leaning more toward option two.

I can get a job at a small shop or something - something I wouldn't hate is about all I ask for - and write and crochet and make clothes and make video games and scrounge together friends and funds for a small production company where we can work on the scripts that have been piling up.

That would just be wonderful.

Extra Crap:

I want to do a project here pretty soon - Open Real-Time Worlds (ORTW). It's similar to an ARG but without a strong 'Go here, Do this, Collect this' element, which basically means that it's a world that anyone can just play around in and 'enter' through blogs or social sites or LARP (Live-Action Role-Play) - basically, you're in it as long as you want to be. There are established rules but aside from that you create your character and how they live and all of that within the 'new world' and the rule set.

I can explain this a little better later, hopefully, but I've just always liked the idea of people spazzing and cosplaying and drawing things for things that don't technically exist except for in the collective minds of people who are in on the world and having fun with it.

I think it's a neat idea. Like, I can compile lists of fashions and foods and music and actors and movies, all from these worlds of mine... because I am insane. But I still want to share my toys.

*sigh* I have way too many ideas for my own good.

Also, this was interesting: How Chuck Wendig Writes a Novel.

Aside from all of that... well, not much else has been happening. Grandma's doing well and Grandpa's going in on the third to see about getting the cataract in his left eye removed - good thing, too, because he missed the gate with that truck of his by about four inches the other day.

I'm going to go talk to mum after dinner and well see if we can't hash out what exactly I need to be doing and what steps I need to take.

I'm all mixed up, I think. I love the idea but there's that little, socially engrained part of my brain that says 'Artists have no security! This little, bohemian 'thing' isn't a plan! Do something more safe and normal!'

Obviously, the answer is a gritty, in-your-face 'No'. But still, it's distressing. Can I just... live, for a little while? It's not like I'll be relying on income from that right off the bat - I'll have a job somewhere.

*sigh*

I'm gonna go panic a bit and then work this out.

Bye for now, guys! (Wish me luck, calm things, a clear head, and sugar.)

Rambling

(Really. That's all this is.)

I have, like, 5k left to write and all I want to do is go edit something else.

Or write something else. Or do something that proves to me that the first draft is not a complete train wreck. I mean, there are some very good bits and there's one scene I'll get to today that I think I'll want to keep but still. Plus I'm not sure if I want to wrap things up or leave his fate, as it were, undecided.

So there's that too.

Grandma goes in for cataract surgery tomorrow. She doesn't seem nervous at all now but I'm pretty sure that'll change by tonight (not that I want her to be on-edge or anything, she's just usually fine right up until the night before something big happens and then she starts getting nervous. Me? I fret and fuss and puff right up until and then I just go and do it. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah...) so that's gonna be fun. We have to go to a place that's about an hour (I think?) away so that means 'up early' and 'I should probably bring a book'.

We also have a lot of food around here that we need to use up before mum and I leave. Which is a problem because I've gained about eight pounds. This is not okay. But when we move, our diet will change. It always does. It was a fair bit healthier up there, all in all.

Do I need an 'Editing Bay' section in that sidebar? (Only if I'm going to use it. *headdesk*)

Oh, that's right. Did you hear about Casey Legler? She's working as a male model. Awesome, right? ^^ (If you don't think that's awesome, we are on two different wavelengths.)

I really think that the world is on the verge of a major shift. I mean, I'm not with the doomsday crowd by any means but I wouldn't be surprised if there's some kind of major change that happens around that time. There have been stirrings for years.

So, yeah. I woke up, cleaned up cat vomit and now I'm going to go back to writing. I have ideas. And those ideas spawn more ideas. It's like an idea rabbit-garden. Or something a lot more coherent.

Bye for now, people. Just wanted to update you on the pointless ins and outs of my life.

(*headdesk* I need a plan! *rolls around in self-pity*)

*waves*

Rambly headcanon/questions post

Section One: Silent Hill 3: Vincent Smith

(My guy-mode's namesake.) But I had a thought. Silent Hill distorts images. Even though Vincent backpeddles after that famous quote of his ('Monsters? They look like monsters to you?'), there probably is a good deal of truth to that. But that got me thinking.

In the game, Vincent is always neat and nice and clean in contrast with the dark, rusty, bloody environment of Silent Hill 3. The only thing that is out of step with that image is his teeth. In-game, his teeth are decayed and discoloured. This is a complete departure from the rest of his image and makes me wonder as to symbolism.

Vincent's speech isn't affected in the least which may have been done for clarity in-game but it made me wonder a bit when I first met him.

I wonder if Vincent's teeth are seen to be rotting and discoloured because it's a projection of an internal quality, not because they actually are in the real world - the world not affected by Silent Hill.

Vincent is a manipulative, sly, self-serving man. He strikes me as the type who can lie through his teeth without feeling much. All of that may cause that illusion under the influence of Silent Hill itself. One of my conlangs has a word that uses this concept - savelton: 1: manipulative, 2: pathological liar. (lit. 'False words stain the teeth')

It was an interesting thought so I figured I'd share.

Section Two: FAKE: Randy 'Ryo' MacLane

More of a question post than headcanon this time. I've looked through what's available (translated) from FAKE: Second Season and looked back through series one, as it were, and something is bothering me.

Apartments in New York City are notoriously expensive. This is somewhat covered by Ryo's parents being art dealers in Europe (according to the translation I read). If they worked overseas they were likely good at their jobs and if they were both working at even a low-end salary (around 30,000 a year on most charts) it means Ryo himself would likely be fairly well off since the entire family strikes me as upper-class without being pretentious (even though a line in the second season seems to contradict the wealth, at least on his part).

But that's not what's bothering me.

Ryo's apartment seems over-large for one person, especially someone like him who seems to value his organisation. Why have a bigger place to maintain? (That actually feeds a headcanon of mine that says that he keeps his apartment like a showroom since he often has little to no control over a lot of his life - in particular in work. He copes by controlling every element of his life that he can.)

Moreover, his adopted son Vikky* has his own room, meaning that the place was likely two-bedroom or at least has an extra room. I doubt Ryo would put up with a kid sleeping in a storage closet or something. On top of all that, Ryo's bed is a king and I'm not sure an apartment under about 1,000 square feet would have room for something like that. And that much space seems out of step for a man who saves his money.

(I have similar issues with Dee's apartment, which is really too much space for someone on a detective's salary in the heart of the city, at least from the prices I've found.)

(*I maintain that this was probably what she was going for and that that translation is flawed.)

In other news, a lot is happening. You know, behind the scenes. Like, plans and stuff.

Yeah.

Anyway. That was about all I had. I just wanted to spew out my thoughts to the world, hence why I have a blog.

These are the kinds of things that I think about when I'm 'not doing anything'.

I also have too many tabs open currently so I'm gonna go throw this up online and then... go do something else. Maybe sleep.

Bye for now, guys. Have an awesome day and I will see you all soon, hopefully with some form of actual news!

Research and Things

I found this! Now I kind of wish I hadn't. (Seriously, do click the link. It's nothing visually scary. It's an audio presentation on what it's like to have schizophrenia. It gives you about three and a half minutes of 'I'm so glad I'm healthy (or at least don't have this)'. To get the full effect, put your headphones in and close your eyes.)

In other news, it was my grandma's birthday on the 20th. She's 75. I made her this thing:

Cool, huh?

I think it's cool.

Aside from that, I've been thinking about things.

First off, I cleaned out Twitter and tumblr a little (might cut it down even more later - haven't decided on some people) and I'm feeling a bit better.

I'm just in one of those 'DO ALL THE THINGS' moods. Like, here's the desktop for right now (I just started with the calendar so it isn't too filled in yet...)

Pretty creepy, huh?

I think it's awesome.

This is what I'm working with for the new year, so far. I have so many ideas for books and companion books and all kinds of things that I just really wanna work on. It's amazingly frustrating.

Like, I wanna get to a point where I can use GIMP and Blender to make the sets, basically, and then put them all together into a book so I have them. Because that's apparently how my brain works.

Scents and clothes and books and companion things and special editions and... yeah.

What it boils down to is that I want to do everything and would like to have a system in place that would allow me to do that.

Thing is, I have no real idea of what that system should be. So. While I figure it out, expect random updates as things click.

I know Chrome works fine for me, I know my list of ideas thing works fine and I know that having a graph/progress bar helps to keep me working. Aside from that... *shrug*

I wonder if doing another year of WriMos would be a good option. I mean I did get a fair bit done doing that. I'd have to stagger things though, so I had time to edit. Or I could just work around the first draft of the month (FDoTM?). I DON'T KNOW! *headdesk*

(In other news, I had a five-minute laughing fit that resulted in me lying on my bed with my head down, crying and trying to breathe through the messed-up hyena style laugh that I had going on. You know what triggered it? It was kind of a delayed reaction but it was something a Let's Player named 'Cry' said. In one of the little one-episode games he was playing, you have to run through trenches (in WWI) and avoid raptors. It doesn't really make sense in context either - just roll with it. But at one point, two raptors boxed him in and ate him. And he said something to the effect of, 'Aw, there were two of them! They share me!' And for some reason, I thought that was really, really funny. Yeah.)

I'm gonna take today and try to come up with some kind of system that I don't actually hate. You will be notified of any progress.

Bye for now, guys. I'm closing in on 40k so I'm gonna go... do that.

*waves*

New Browser!

Because Firefox decided that now was a wonderful time to die.

If you've been following along on Twitter, you might have seen the trouble I've been having lately. I can't even get back to my old bookmarks so... yeah. All that's gone. At least the clutter isn't there now. /ever the optimist

Also I have a Twitter header. It's kind of just for me because the font itself and the text in front of it makes it hard to read but I kind of like the obscured look and it's my account so screw you!

Um... yeah. Sorry.

No, but it actually says 'Alice in Writerland', it's just - like I said - hard to read. I kind of want to keep it like that because, you know, I'm me.

So I'm running Google Chrome now. It's pretty cool.

I'm gonna try to keep my bookmarks and things fairly clean and streamlined, you know? Like, not let the clutter build up like it did on Firefox. Seriously, I couldn't even open a new tab. Like even if I only had one tab open, I'd have to click on a link and go 'Open in new tab' and then I could get another tab. I'd shut things down so it could update, I tried to keep from overloading things - it still did it.

So. Not anymore.

I think I need to start using things more for work. That's not to say I won't screw around or save things that aren't business or research but I think I was going too far to the other side before. That was probably a lot of my problem.

Really, once you get past the whole 'Oh, good. Oh, good!' reaction, this is actually pretty positive. Yeah.

*sigh*

I kind of want to go vlog today. Like, just pace around outside... where the lighting is better... and there aren't a bunch of people around... and just talk. And complain. I mean, I have a YouTube channel, I might as well use it. Right?

Right.

So you might get to see me. Maybe. I'm notoriously bad at keeping promises like this though so... yeah. It's really early. And I'm kind of wired.

I'm gonna go. And maybe do something productive. Hopefully. It's been a day. It has been just a day and a half already, you know?

Bye for now, guys. Bye for now. Expect updates. You'll probably be disappointed, but expect them anyway.

I have too many ideas

I really do. I mean I'm glad for them but still, calm down, brain 0.o

Like, it's really bad when I have an idea but I don't have a title so I can't figure out where to put it on my chart thing. That's really annoying.

That chart is up to 108 now.

Yeah. 108 ideas that I need to be working on.

Along with all the shows and movies I want to watch and things I want to read and things I want to make and just... wow. I spend way too much time not doing anything at all, you know?

I think the second draft of Heavy Rain is going to wind up more from Randy's point of view. He's a lot easier for me to write for, for some reason. His scenes usually flow a lot easier than Emily's do.

Oh, well. Looks like I'm...

(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)

...a randy bastard.

(I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Like, really really sorry. It's horrifically late here and OMG, I'm stupid right now.)

Anyway.

Since it's late and I'm anxious, I'll either wind up writing a lot or watching several shows that I've been meaning to either start or finish watching for like, ever. It's probably going to be a little bit of both actually.

Actually, probably a lot of both. Both of those things. Really, all. All of those things since there's several shows I want to watch and, you know... things to read. And I kind of want to get the first draft done so I can edit the living hell out of it.

But yeah. Restless, anxious, thirsty as all hell. That's me right now.

One good piece of news: My grandfather yesterday said that he thinks the world of me and that nothing could change that. My mum later extrapolated that into telling me not to worry about 'pronouns, dress code, gay/straight/bi' or anything like that. As much as I try not to let people's opinions get to me, your family is always a little different, you know?

So that... that was really good to know. I'm like... underneath all the anxious mermaid stuff right now I'm like, so relieved. I mean, I'm still not overjoyed at being in the desert (largely because I love rain and this place is drier than Oscar Wilde) but that really does help.

So, yeah, currently (and I say currently because, you know, fluidity): Jezaret/Jezzy or Vincent/Vince, agender/genderqueer, bisexual.

(That's not so hard, now is it?) <- Look, he's talking to himself.

See? ^^^ That doesn't even look weird to me! *collapse* I need to get used to people not thinking I'm insane. *GASP* That's Randy's problem! (Well, most of it anyway.) He has no idea what to do now that people aren't looking at him like he's psycho. His own brand of randomness and weirdness and 'sleep-deprived Goth 'starvation artist' who drives a hearse' has become his identity and now it's become normal. The issue? Randy hates being normal.

I figured it out! I am a king!

Really, that... that really did help a lot. I know where I'm going now. Awesome.

I actually kind of can't wait to edit this thing. Plus I have another project lined up and I get to help someone by working on that one so that's cool.

Wow. You know, I think this was why I wasn't too crazy about my last few entries here. I either a) wasn't sleep-deprived enough, b) wasn't relaxed enough or c) was just over-thinking things in general. Things are so much more fun when you don't over-think them.

So, bye for now guys. I will hopefully stay on this little groove of mine and be back to bother you all soon~

Doll makers and general rambling

First off, this:

Isn't she awesome?

(The correct answer is 'Yes.')

She's from here and I suggest that you go play around with it if you're in need of a new avatar or just have some time to kill.

...

I would totally dress like this. :|

I would. But I do not have the budget, currently, for that level of awesome.

Okay. Time for a list/texbook heading... thing.

Section One: Writing

I have been. At least, I have been more this month than I did before, which is a little sad when you think about it.

I found a good existing version of a male AI voice so I'm just sitting here, listening and planning for another project after NaNo.

Since NaNo started, I have been gifted three new ideas and submitted an application to be allowed into the RRWG - The Reading, Rambling Writers Group. Their membership has been down the last few months.

Anyway.

Section 1-A: NaNo

NaNoWriMo, Oedipus, are you working on it?

I am. Now.

I miss writing, guys. I really missed it. (Of course, one of Randy's girls bailed on him just before a runway show so he's having to walk and he's kind of flirting with his makeup artist and this is just really freaking fun!)

But yeah. I'm going to get caught up today. It's only 20k and I'm on about 18 now, so that's not that hard.

On another note, I think these section things work really well.

Section 1-B: Scripts

Two scripts, no waiting a lot of waiting because I have a lot of other crap to do.

Seriously, I'm getting ideas for like Season 4 of 'Mortuary Boys'. I'm like, WTF, man?

I think I want to get on those fairly soon, too. I just... when I have a project like this I kind of want it to at least start getting done, you know.

This one and Demonology. Although Demonology should probably be first because I actually have, you know, pages written on that. It's a little longer per episode though.

They're both just so fun. And so hard to focus on.

Section 1-C: Ghostwriting

Why did I give this a section? I'm not allowed to talk about it. But yeah. I have a ghostwriting/helpful writing project thing to do. W00t?

Section Two: Reading

I want to get back on actually reading books again. I mean, I do read but not like I'd like to.

So, that's become the goal for right now: Just finish reading a freaking book. And then move on and freaking read another one. And continue this until you have to buy more because you've read all of yours.

There's also a lot of Creepypasta that I'd like to get through so if I find one that's just amazing, I might link you to it.

Section 2-A: New Book Selection

So. Once I'm through 'The Sociopath Next Door', which is really good and recommended, I'm thinking the Millennium Trilogy (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and those, you know?) Lisbeth seems like a really interesting character and someone I could learn things from reading about.

So I intend to.

So that's where that is.

Section 2-B: Manga

I'm jumping back on the bandwagon here, too. At least, I'm hoping to. If anyone knows of a few good series, totally tell me. I love adding things to the list.

Section Three: TV Shows

Clearly, my version of productivity is watching or reading things that I hadn't gotten around to. But I love the feeling of 'catching up' with something, you know? I have the same recommendation policy here as I do with everything else: Tell me and I'll look into it.

I'm probably going to be trying to start and get through Six Feet Under pretty soon.

Section 3-A: Anime

Ergo Proxy. Devil May Cry. And a host of others that I don't remember right now but are on the list. Speaking of, should I have a list? Like a 'To-Read' and a 'To-Watch' page? I don't know. I'll think about that.

Section Four: Games

On console: Devil May Cry. I want to start from the beginning since I have the first three games.

Also, I've been playing Happy Wheels when I get bored. It's bloody and violent and pixels and I suggest you go play it.

...

This was a really pointless update thing, wasn't it? *sigh*

I really need to get back to talking about actual things. And pictures, maybe.

Bye for now, guys. I need to figure out what I'm doing different with these things.

*backflips into traffic*

DO ALL THE THINGS!

Section One: Organisation

Things have been organised. And I mean really organised. Like, I have a 'tags' page on my tumblr now. So people can like, get to specific shit. It's really weird.

My bookmarks aren't a cluttered mess anymore, my blogs are slowly getting organised... I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that the trick is to jump in and work - and I mean work a lot - when you feel like working on something. Things get done, you feel good and you don't have to fight through things you really hate because, at the moment, everything is fun.

Use those moments. Those moments are totally your friends.

Section Two: Writing

Section 2-A: NaNoWriMo

NaNo is coming along nicely. There's much more legal drama in the mix than I thought there would be originally and, even with as little as I know about the legal system (bad writer! no chocolate!) it's actually really fun. MMC is... insane. As most of my main characters are. And FMC is level-headed on the surface but a little neurotic and weird in her own way. So that's just a cool mix.

Currently, I'm sitting at about 15k. I'm thinking I might try to write a little before I fall on my face. (It's either really late or really early here.)

Section 2-B: Scripts

As of this writing, there are two progress bars located in the sidebar. If you haven't noticed them, please to be noticing them now.

One is for 'Demonology' (it's Criminal Minds/NCIS... with demons. And shifters. And psychology. And politics. And crazy crap.) The other is for 'Mortuary Boys' (because hot blond mortician leading his creepy, funeral home family + striking up a friendship/romance/IDEK with a kind of hot and suitably messed-up cop = awesome... at least it does at one in the morning. My math might be off at this hour.).

(Actually, there really is a lot of plot involved in both of these, I'm just too tired and winding down a little too quickly to really explain it well right now.)

Section Three: Learning

LEARN ALL THE CREEPY THINGS!

At least that's what my brain has been telling me to do for the last little while. Like, for example, funeral homes cremate the larger clientele first thing in the morning to avoid what amounts to a grease fire in the crematory. See, if there's an excess of fatty tissue on a body and they're cremated late in the day, they might cremate too quickly and that results in a lot of black smoke and other nasty things.

So.

A crematory is lined with bricks. These bricks are stone cold in the early morning and hence heat at a slow, even pace, allowing larger bodies to cremate correctly. If it's done later in the day, the bricks are already warm and holding heat, which means 'WHOOSH'. Up in smoke.

That's just one of the weird-ass things I know now. Cool, huh?

Also, math. I have to relearn math. But that's actually been going better than I thought it would. So, you know, yay!

Section Four: Crafts and Fashion and Crap Like That

Yeah.

I kinda wanna get back on the whole fashion design/crochet/craft thing. I mean, it was really fun and then I just kind of... fell out of it somehow. Sad.

I have so many ideas but whenever I have the time, I'm like 'Meh'. I find that kind of depressing. I mean, yeah, I wanna do things I enjoy but that's the thing - I want to do things I enjoy. Because they're fun. What happened to that?

So yeah.

That was my update for now. That was also a look into why I don't blog while tired, as entertaining as it might be.

But, really, this isn't that much. I just need to get my head around the concept of 'one thing at a time'.

In the spirit of that, and since I have actual work to try to tackle tomorrow, I should probably let you go back to... whatever it was you were doing.

Bye for now, guys. I hope you enjoyed the rambling, pointless and overly-tired update.

*waves* *collapses*

Word count: 13500

Body count: 4

Technically.

There will probably be a few more in the final draft but for now, it's three.

Also, I want to start on another script. And that's really sad because not only do I have a script project already (that is kind of stalled thanks to NaNo) but I have the opening theme and ending theme for the first two seasons and I'm working on three and four and the insert songs.

Yeah.

When I want to jump in, I jump in.

Oh, yeah. Speaking of progress bars:

Green means 'reading'

When I'm reading something, the numbers will be pages read/pages total in book.

Gold means 'outline'

Fun fact: I can't outline before I even start writing. So I outline off of the first draft based off of what worked and what didn't in the first pass.

Outlines like that will be chapters done/total chapters.

Purple means 'Script'

Scripts will be in pages done/total pages.

Silver means 'First Draft'

(Can you read the word 'Silver' there? XD) First drafts are the start of it all. These will usually be in words written/approximate word count.

Pink means 'Second Draft'

(That's the best I can do for 'pink'.) Second drafts are important to me. I try not to edit off of first drafts because there's usually a lot I want to change.

Red means 'Editing'

Editing will be chapters done/total chapters.

Blue means 'Any other project'

Anything else might get this treatment if I expect it to be around long enough. Blue is fairly rare. Don't expect to see it often.

So. Yeah.

There's your crash course in the sidebar. Hopefully this system of mine will work out well. Because I really don't want to have to change it.

I just... I want to make things and write things and have a small apartment and go to school and play with dead things for a living.

That's it. That's all.

I don't think that's an unreasonable goal.

Anyway.

Imma go back to work now. 'Cause there was a centipede in the house and now I'm freaked out. ICK! I mean they're kind of cool looking at one remove but still ICK!

'Kay... Bye.

I'll be back with more of an update soon. And by that I mean an update that doesn't boil down to 'Hey I'm killing people - hey look sidebar stuff and me being creepy - OMGBUGS!'

Because that's basically what this one was.

Things are happening here, though so that should give me something to ramble about for a while.

So. Bye for now, people.

I'll be back when something interesting happens.

(I really need to start having a point to these posts...)

Grandma's Getting Surgery

Cataracts.

It's nothing major, really, but she's technically not legal to drive with her eyes the way they are. So. Guess who gets to jump in her car and drive around with her? Not me. At least not every time. Sometimes, though.

I don't mind it. It gives me something to do that isn't computer related.

I want to do so many things. Really, it's just insane. I want to read and work on a script and work on NaNo (even though I have a completely different story now than what was outlined so that outline is now kind of useless to me) and listen to music and generally, say it with me, DO ALL THE THINGS!

...

When I got my driver's license, I was wearing these little black doll-like dress shoes, my ex-step-dad's blue jeans, a Mutt and Jeff shirt (a black one with 'Hug a Tree' written on it), my 'Drakkar Noir' and L.A. Colors 'Lollipop' nail polish.

Just wanted to remember that. For whatever reason.

I'm not sure what I'm feeling, really. I want to do things. ... Is this how productive people live all the time? 'Cause it's kind of nice.

Also, 12k!

So. Yeah.

I'm gonna go back to work now. I might go ahead and stay up until I'm actually tired tonight but who knows when that'll be, really.

Bye for now, everyone. I'm gonna go boil a mouth-guard and shove it in my face.

(I kind of feel like I've lost my touch with blog posts lately...)

In Which I am Street Legal

Yep.

I found the item Driver's License.

And I am insanely happy that it's over. (That is not a K-turn - it is a 90-degree turn. Get it right, people. It's your test. *headdesk*)

But, yeah. Once it was over and everything was official, I jumped in the passenger seat, showed mum the license and basically said 'There's my license. Where's my hearse?'

I was kidding (kind of joking but not really) but yeah. It'll have to wait a little while and I know that but still.

I'm already kicking around vanity plate ideas.

(Mum and Dad were texting about the test. Dad basically said 'Yay! NO SHAME FOR YOU!')

So.

I'm going to get back to NaNo now. Because I really need to. But Randy and Emily are close to meeting so that should be interesting.

...

I'm starting to think I ramble too much. But, hey, first draft.

Bye for now, everyone. Bye for now.

(Go forth! Go forth and... do something interesting.)

*HEADDESK*

That. ^ That was today in a nutshell.

K-turns suck and I hope that after this, I will never have to do them again.

Anyway.

Remember, remember
The Fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot
I know of no reason
Why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.

And happy Guy Fawkes Day to everyone who cares about Guy Fawkes day!

Also, I want a hearse. Like, seriously. I want a hearse that I can drive as my normal, everyday car. I actually prefer the side-loaders but I'll take pretty much anything that I don't hate.

Like this one. I don't hate this one.

It's an end loader but still, cool. It's just a beautiful car.

I think my favorite overall is the 1992 Cadillac Superior Hearse. If I could, I think I'd get it in black as a side-loader with a dark red interior.

(That or the 1930 Cadillac. Some of the ones from then had a pretty solid design).

...

Yes, I'm creepy to normal people. What are you gonna do about it?

Moving on.

You know what I miss? Pixie Stix. I haven't had one in forever.

And that was random.

Do I have anything of interest to say?

No?

Well, then...

I guess this was a 'vent a little and then ramble about hearses' post. Enjoy.

(Seriously, I do need to get back to writing. I have so many ideas now, though, that's it's kind of hard to focus. Oh, well. I'm ahead right now so even if I only write a little, it's better than nothing.)

Bye for now, guys. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

In which 10k is a big deal.

Because it's kind of a big deal anymore. Because I am out of practice.

Also, different foods have different evaporation rates in different climates. Warm foods often evaporate much quicker in colder climates and vice versa.

That was your random fact for the day.

In other news, I'm really glad that NaNo gives you permission to suck. Because otherwise... well, I'd be doing it anyway.

It's not like I hate the story itself, I can just tell that I'm out of practice and that's starting to bother me. But. I do feel like things are a little more... real or concrete somehow. Like this is something I can edit later and make something out of.

I have a subplot. I'm not used to subplots. Which probably isn't a good thing.

Today has been... interesting. It hasn't been great by any means but no one has had anything really horrible happen so that's a good thing.

I've been getting work done and I think the side bar is mostly settled. At least until I get tired of it again.

The first word count bar is a widget from the NaNo site.
The second one is for an outline I'm working on (5k is about the minimum for an outline, usually. For me at least.)
The third one (the one that says 'Pilot') is for a script, which is why the numbers are lower
And the fourth one is for the book I'm reading.

Because I am an organization junkie.

I'm also kind of torn because I want to change this theme but I can't find anything I like better... or even as well as this. So I feel kind of stuck...

But yeah. I'm currently about 2k off of 10 so I'll be doing that for a little while and hoping that tomorrow will not be so obnoxious.

Bye for now, guys. I'm going to try to stir up trouble in a fictional world.

A Random Assortment of Things

Section One:

Try to hold on to those painful and touching moments in your life. Try to hold on to moments like when a woman you'd never met bought you candy to bring your blood sugar up because you were feeling light-headed or that day when you watched your 80-year-old grandfather stoop to put a dish of water down for his ill cat.

Try to hold on to things that restore your faith in humanity.

Section Two:

Writing is hard.

But really freaking fun.

Chapter two starts with a funeral.

Of course, it does. Moving on. I have a word count tracker thing in the sidebar. It is awesome. I love being able to keep track of things like this. I just like progress bars in general, I think.

Currently, I'm on Chapter Two and a little over 3k in. So yeah. Awesome. Plus, Randy is probably my favourite character right now. He's just... so screwed up but he's aware of it and is kind of... I don't know, happy about it?

Of course, Emily and Jenna are fun to work with too. Because I get to write things like this:


Jenna was quiet for several minutes then. Apparently whatever she was thinking was fairly vivid in her mind because it usually took at least one piece of duct tape to keep her quiet for long. “But there are a limited number of ways to be happy,” she said. “Sadness is infinite.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that everyone who’s happy seems to be happy in one of a few ways – their job, their family, something they can do, you know – but everyone who’s unhappy is unhappy in their own way.”

Emily took to kicking at the leaves as, caught by the wind, they swirled around her boots. “I guess you could say that. But then, wouldn’t it just be a matter of finding the opposite of your unhappiness?”

“The inverse of depression?”

“Right. Even if unhappiness is unique and there are a finite number of ways to be happy, there would still be at least one way that would cancel, right?”

“Maybe.” Jenna laced her fingers behind her head. “But what about people who are happy in their unhappiness? Isn’t their depression its inverse at that point?”

Emily hummed, thought for a moment and answered, “More of an inequality at that point, I’d think. Depression and happiness are in unequal quantities there.”

“But there is a measure of comfort to be had,” Jenna reminded her, her steps slowing. “That might just cancel out the inequality. And even if it’s an inequality, a tipped scale is more visually interesting.”

“You’d be a wonderful philosopher,” Emily said as they stopped in front of her building.

Jenna smiled. “Nah. I think I gave myself a headache.”

(Total first draft but still, it's an interesting conversation. I like the fact that it basically ends with 'Or not. IDK.' like so much of life.)

But yeah. That's where that is. I love slower stuff like this sometimes.

So. I'm going to go ahead and get back to it. Because I kind of left Randy in the rain near several people who might try to beat him to a bloody pulp if they knew he was there. So, yeah.

Section Three:

There is no section three. There never was a section three. Move along.

Section Four:

I might be screwing around with that side bar, just to be sure that everything is all even and pretty and easy to read. I just really like having things organised and I tend to spend an obscene amount of time getting them organised.

I'm using word meters from here and they're kind of awesome. I need to work out how to update them without going back to the site but that's not too annoying. I'm not totally happy with the order but I can work that out later. Along with everything else.

I'm actually really happy to have stuff like that to do. I can get things set up and not feel like I have so much to do that I get all overwhelmed and junk.

I'd like to learn graphic design too, I think. It's nothing that I really need right now but I think it'd be cool to know.

Section Five:

Yes, the Name/Nickname/Title thing on the side is right. I really don't give a dang about gender so I don't care what people call me/how people see me. If you want to see me as a kind of femme guy, that's cool. If I'm not, that's cool too. I'll answer to anything, so, you know, *shrugs*

(Basically, what it comes down to is if I want to wear a dress, I will. If I want to wear a suit, I will. I guess it's technically agender or genderqueer (different people have different definitions of genderqueer) with fluctuating presentations. So. There was your bit of personal information for the day.)

I said I was just gonna be me and I'm trying to just stick to it and not worry. If someone doesn't like you, that's their problem, right? Right.

So, bye for now, guys. Bye for now. I hope you have an awesome day.

Good Morning, Guys

It's Thursday, November 1st which means it's the first day of NaNoWriMo!

(If you don't know what NaNoWriMo is, it stands for 'National Novel Writing Month' and is basically a reason to get people writing with a lower limit goal of 50,000 words by the end of the month - hopefully enough of a head start to clean up and continue into a full-length book. I did a full year of these things and my writing has gotten so much better just from all the practice.)

I also have GIMP now. So, you know, yay!

Really, it's a very cool program. Link somewhere in the sidebar... thing. Over here. --->

I've figured out that I really don't need that many words per chapter to make the goal so that helps a little. I'll have to get used to stopping and explaining a little more than I usually do though. I'm used to kind of jumping from one thing to the next but a lot of the conflict hinges on my not doing that. So that's a good test.

Everything has significance. Everything.

I should probably get back to work on that, actually. (I can see it in my head and I want to start talking about colour schemes and warmth and camera angles and then the sane part of my brain speaks up and says 'No one else can see this, you know.' So yeah.)

On a related note, I love the way I have things organised. From left to right in a spreadsheet:

Title
Genre(s)
Starting Word Count
Final Word Count
What it is (Novel, novella, short story, poem, script)
Body Count
and Pen Name

That tells you pretty much everything out need to know about me.

And, on that note, I'm going to leave and toddle back to work on something I really hope doesn't wind up boring me. (Although really, it shouldn't. I love little details.)

Bye for now, guys. Bye for now.

Thirty-One: Happy Halloween!

And Happy Birthday, Barnaby!

(Yes, I am wishing a fictional character a happy birthday - what of it?)

On another note, I really do hate 'dispassionate writers' - the ones who just go through the motions to produce something and never have a 'bad day'. All creative people have bad days. We all have days where we simply cannot work. We all have days were the thought that we suck is overwhelming. And if you don't at least have moments like that, chances are you aren't into the heart of the craft and chances are that you're just going through the motions.

I realise that a lot of people will scoff at this but passion for your work is very important and frankly if you never have those moments of doubt, I question your passion. Confidence is key, yes, but no one is without doubts. No one should be, in my opinion.

I think these moments of doubt are important. They mean that you're aware of your work and its potential place in a broader social sense. You're aware of your limits, your weaknesses and your issues.

But that's all just my opinion - likely to be just as flawed as anyone else's.

In a related matter, NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow.

I'm thinking of taking today and not doing anything really. It'd be nice to just not worry or be annoyed with people for a day.

Really, you cannot just offer me $100 a book to edit what is essentially a 376-page first draft. On top of that, don't ask for the books back if you know I've made notes in them. You'll get your books but you're not getting the notebook I actually used. You're not getting notes for free.

...

Some days I hate the living.

Anyway, I'm going to read back over my outline and see what I missed the first time around. I'm sure there's something.

I think I'll be able to just relax and write for a little while and I'm really looking forward to that. I feel like it's been forever since I could just... write.

I'm having one of my 'DO ALL THE THINGS' moments, probably because I'm annoyed, and I kind of want to get GIMP and Blender back so I can, you know, do more things like environmens and walk cycles and book covers.

All of this will probably fade out pretty quickly but still, I thought I'd mention it.

Certain people in this house always has game shows on an the TV up insanely loud. So that's really fun for me and my stress levels.

Well. Bye for now, everyone. This wraps up NaBloPoMo this month (w00t?) and I can't promise how much I'll be around during NaNo. Hopefully more than I think.

(I need to keep up with my project blog more, too... but for now I think I'll plan, crochet a little and watch tutorials in the hopes of becoming good at various free programs.)

*waves*

Thirty: Don't work for less than you're worth.

Just... never do it.

I don't work for less than a dollar a page.

I just don't.

And that's really the take-away here - don't work for less than you're worth.

It might limit the frequency of your jobs but I'd say it's worth it to avoid working for a fraction of the acceptable rate.

Also, NaNoWriMo this year is Lit Fic (Literary) and there's a fascinating (italics for sarcasm) thread on the NaNo forums about whether or not Literary is a genre. Sometimes I just want to grab people by the scruff and shake them. Calm the fuck down.

I would argue that Literary focuses on a much larger scale. It encompasses all genres, often by deconstructing them. In that sense, it's much like Speculative. It is not so much a genre in and of itself but rather a collection of smaller genres viewed through a social microscope.

But that's basically what I think of when someone says 'Literary'.

...

I'm in a weird mood again. Like, I want to DO ALL THE THINGS and do absolutely nothing at the same time. Very annoying, actually.

I feel... anxious. Like, wound up and restless.

Everything is really loud and annoying right now and that's not helping at all.

There's a lot of anger in this house...

Like, if I'm out here for too long, I can feel it. It just latches onto me and gets into my bones. And then I start snapping at people and generally being a bitch when I really don't need to be.

Plus, one of our cats is dying (skin and bones aside from her abdomen, which is full of fluid) and my grandparents refuse to do anything about it. So that's making me feel really good.

All in all, there's a lot wrong with this day. I'm trying to not make this just a place for me to complain but, really, my hair is driving me insane, my nails feel brittle, I'm breaking out again, I just kinda got slapped in the face with at least most of the negative stereotypes of self-published authors and I just want to scream.

So.

That's where that is.

But. It's NaNoWriMo pretty soon and without this to worry about, I can just write for a while. I think that would help quite a bit, actually.

Bye for now, guys. This was kind of rambling but I'll try to be a little less annoyed and wanting to stab someone next time.

Twenty-Nine: It's really important that you let me get to ten.

It really is.

I feel like all of today has been me slowly counting to ten and being interrupted every time.

(I mean it. Everything from the editing - my pen hates me, the authors don't seem to know their characters and can your phrasing not be awkward for, like, two paragraphs? Please? - to life in general - she was not out of line. You do not need to step in and apologise for her. - has just been... Yikes, you know?)

I think I'll wait until the end of the month for a response (a real response) to the email I sent. Longer than that and I start getting suspicious.

On the upside, this is giving me a lot of experience.

I'm kind of looking forward to NaNoWriMo just for a chance to get back to writing. There's a lot I want to do and I'm feeling like just want to jump in but, of course, I'm very tired by the time I get the chance to jump in and I don't want to wreck my sleep schedule. Again.

So.

I think I'm going to pack things up, laugh at people asking stupid questions (or just being funny) on the NaNo forums and then probably fall on my face. Mental work is often more tiring than heavy physical labour.

Bye for now, guys. (I really need to learn to start setting this stuff up earlier so I'm not so drug out when I'm trying to post.)

Twenty-Eight: *tears hir hair out*

Let me tell you about things that annoy me.

- Improper use of semicolons
- Missing periods
- Extra space
- Atrocious formatting
- Inconsistent atrocious formatting
- Not starting your first chapter on the correct page
- Using your usernames as your author names on the cover
- Not spacing your chapters correctly.
- Back and front pages are nowhere near industry standards
- Too many '-ly' words
- You gave him a name - f'ing call him by it!
- No. Show me.
- These are separate ideas - why are they in the same sentence?
- OMG with the commas!
- Really? You screwed up the apostrophe?

And that was episode one of Jezzy's Editing Exploits. And, honestly, I'm very glad to have these things on hardcopy because wow. I mean, the story is fine all in all it's just that the writing... yeah.

I'm hoping that they don't get ticked off just because I found a lot of stuff. Even if they do, I've gotten a lot of experience from the books.

(It's not like I hadn't read them before, it's just that I wasn't really writing things down and then I couldn't find my notes so I'm basically having to do it all again. And I'm finding a lot more this time. So, yeah. Ow. I just really hope this is appreciated and not seen as 'Well, we don't wanna work with you anymore because you're just being a bitch'. No, I'm not - I'm being a good editor. Which you clearly need.)

Anyway.

I'm getting worked up over something that hasn't happened and might not happen. So. That was my day, mostly. That and marketing ideas for things that aren't mine. And some things that are.

...

I'm basically planning on being JtHM when I'm older (Jezzy the Happy Mortician). Cannot stop laughing over how well that works out.

So... yeah.

As you can probably tell, I am very tired and I've only edited 32 pages today.

All in all, a productive and tiring day that has left me with a lot of work that I will be happy to fall asleep and ignore for a few hours.

Bye for now, guys. Sorry for the quick, slightly ranting update but, hey, NaNoWriMo starts soon!

Twenty-Seven: Headaches

It's just one of those titles that's just, like, a random word.

Do you ever have moments where you just hate yourself for no apparent reason? Just, like, suddenly everything's wrong?

I'm having one of those moments and it's really not fun.

In other news, I managed to find some very nice things in the mess the renter left behind. Among them:

A cute, short jacket
A Heritage computer bag
A Kenmore sewing machine
A pair of dress pants (that have apparently never been worn)
And a very nice tie.

There's probably more things I'd want in the pile of fabric that's currently hiding most of the dining room table, as well as the mass of left-behind items that are stacked under it but for right now, those are the main things.

The girl emailed me back about the editing work with some decent options for me to mull over. So that's good. I was really stressed about that for some reason. I think the first option (send her the books once the third one is done and have her send them back to me after they've transcribed the notes) might be the best one. That way I have time to make sure everything is legible and it doesn't cost me insane amounts of ink to print things out myself.

Of course, just having me use track changes would be easier on all of us, I'd think.

It might be weird but there's some part of me that likes having marked up copies of books around.

Well...

It feels way later than it actually is and I do need to get the book I've been reading done. I'm, like, two chapters from the end. Then I can (sleep first and then) go through the first two books again and see if there's anything I'd need to add or change. I marked quite a bit...

I'm kind of sub-conscientiously bracing for NaNoWriMo, I think. It's gonna be fun having to keep up with things for a full month but I just try to think of how much will be done and over with by the time the month is out and how much I'll have to work with.

That usually helps.

So, I think I'm going to scrounge up a red pen and a blue pen for tomorrow, get a notebook I haven't written in yet and just have things as ready to start as I can. Then all I'll have to do is stress over the email (like I always do, even with people I know well), finish reading that book, and go through all the mess in the dining room in case I want other things.

It'll be a rich, full day.

Bye for now, guys. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a little less stressful.

Twenty-Six: Beta Work and General Stress

Yes, I can't back out of it now...

(Just in case anyone didn't know, yes, I do offer editing and proofreading services.)

This is possibly one of the most awkward times but the beta-reading/editing thing is ready to start. I got an email this morning. (Technically, she said they're 'getting ready to get started on book three' so I'm not sure if she means starting writing or not. I kind of hope she does - that would give me some time to calm the hell down and read.)

I realise that this is a very good thing but still, kind of panicking about it.

Part of me is still kind of like this:

But the rest of me is pretty happy.

She offered to have me read and red line the first two books and mail them back instead of keep them so they could pay me for reading them and I might do that because, you know, money. I've made a lot of notes in the copies I have though, so if I could get new ones for that, it would be awesome.

Generally, red line editing just means going through and looking for things that would be underlined in red, like asdfghjkl;. It's basically proofreading. I'm not sure if that's what she means, though.

I also need to brush up my editing marks...

But that was the bombshell for today.

Along with everything else I was planning to try to get done.

I've also figured out that I need a cosmetology degree. Why? Because morticians who can also do hair and makeup (like, for open caskets) tend to be paid more since the funeral home doesn't have to outsource it.

Problem: It's eleven months and 8 thousand dollars.

So... yeah. I mean, you learn a lot but still, wow. 'Restorative Art' doesn't cover any of that or else I'd just do that and forget about it. (It's more about like mortician's wax and rebuilding facial structures - like, if you got shot in the face but you want an open casket. Neat, huh? 8D)

I also need a business degree, which really doesn't scare me - it's like almost any other college course. Thing is, if I'm taking the cosmetology course, I'll only have time for maybe one night class at the college and my schedule's pretty much full.

Then, it's four years (total) for a business degree and two years (almost) in mortuary school.

Stressful.

But that's were I am today.

I get the feeling that before too long I'll be all like 'Bring me my red pen'.

Because I'm stupid like that. (All I have to do is remember that all I'm looking for is flow and plot holes, basically. Their style is... not my style.)

So. I'm going to go and answer her email and see what she says. In the meantime, I think I'll go try to distract myself from the whole panic thing by working a little on that outline. The first couple chapters are starting to come together so I'm hoping that continues.

At least I can kind of plan in and around NaNoWriMo with all this. That's one good thing, at least. I knew I got that outline done early for a reason.

Things are slowly moving forward and that's a good thing. I'm actually really grateful for any work I can get like this - even if I am stupidly nervous. That's the thing though, I'm not perfect, but I've got a good eye. I know I do. Like with so many other things, I just need to start.

We'll be going to the rental house (the house we rented out) pretty soon to see what the damage is and start going through all the stuff they left behind so that'll be fun.

So, bye for now, everyone. I'm going to go write and try to figure out November.

*rolls away* *falls through trap door*