2012 Highlights

The year in which a lot of things happened.

*Warning: This is somewhat stream-of-consciousness. Rambling ahead.*

Well... this year:

I tried to stop hiding quite so much... and found out that my atomic number really is 83.

*NERD JOKES NERD JOKES NERD JOKES*

I learned that I'm likely genderqueer/agender and really don't care about clothes/pronouns/whatever.

And I learned that my grandfather, while he might not understand, really won't stop loving me. (He's also 80 and has taken a liking to telling us to have a 'super sparkly day'. It's awesome XD)

I watched a lot of new anime and got into Six Feet Under (and realised that the DVDs aren't censored. 0.o)

I got obsessed with Tiger and Bunny (again). And Sherlock. And started the Millennium Trilogy.

And I found out that someone on the internet actually likes me and thinks I'm a 'voice of reason' (and she's cool, too!):

(I'm on her 'Homies' list.)

And that I'm interesting enough to have 48 Followers on tumblr. And to have had, at one point, 100 on Twitter. Two of the people I was so amazed by at first on tumblr have wound up in a mutual follow-thing with me.

And that being bored when you have manga caps and Paint leads to stupid things like 'Texts from the 27th':

And that if I talk to new people, they usually won't tell me to go away and I can actually make a few friends that way. I'm grateful for all of them.

It was my first year being in the writing community for longer than about a month. It was my second NaNoWriMo, which, by the way:

Yeah.

I wrote a lot and figured out a new system that works a lot better for keeping track of things. All my ideas are now in a spreadsheet containing, from left to right:

Title
Genre
Starting WC
Ending WC
Length (Novel/Novella/etc.)
Stage (First Draft/Editing/etc.)
Body Count
Pen Name
(Project) Blog (Does it have one?)
Cover (Does it have one?)
Series (if it's part of one)
Soundtrack (Does it have one?)

(Actually, I'll type 'Blog', 'Cover', and 'Soundtrack' in if those are done.)

I discovered The Hectic Glow:

And got my heart ripped out by a fan story.

And then again by an original book.

I rediscovered fandoms and found several new ones. I connected and reconnected, cluttered up and simplified. I talked with new people and found some common ground. I figured my life out, scrapped the plan and figured it all out again. And then started reworking the plan one more time.

I discovered that I'm a writer, an artist and a hobbyist deathling. I wound up obsessed with shows, movies, books - new and old.

I dug up all kinds of amazing music. And all kinds of ideas. And all kinds of new interesting things other people have done, including Salad Fingers and the Creepy Puppet Project.

I also rekindled a love of Creepypastas (good ones, at least).

It was a year of:

and:

And the funny thing is that I can't wait to feel like this again.

It was also full of stupid autocorrect that has now found its way into our normal vocabulary. (Such as 'The world is full of ass waffles. Much llamas to you, my friend.')

So, now, 2013 is out ahead.

I think I'm ready for it.

It was roller-coaster of a year and, while it was a fun ride, I'm glad it's winding down. Here's to an awesome 2013 and I'll see you on the boards.

Knights and Dragons and War

Oh, my!

Anyway, it's the 30th which means Alice in Writerland will be in FantNo the day after tomorrow. We'll be staying for the whole month so be sure to swing by.

I've never written fantasy before and it's just... really freakin' fun, you know? It's one in the morning and I am cold and I have a stitch in my side from the way I'm sitting and I feel like I'm just the greatest thing on two legs right now.

(Even though one of the stories I'm planning this year has an ending planned that is going to warrant this image:

So, yeah.)

(And yes, it does say 'my house' and 'the nearest cliff'. It's that painful. I am sorry to any future readers.)

I don't want to give anything away about that plot (well, I do, but I kind of can't) so this is going to be a shorter 'ZOMG I figured it out and this year is going the be FULL OF FEELS!' update post.

Tomorrow should (should, mind) see a 'year in review' kind of post and then we'll be jumping into writing and life updates from the new year. W00t?

Stay safe on New Years, everyone. There a lot of idiots out this time of year and it pays to stay off the roads late at night if you can.

So... see you once more this year~

Happy Christmas!

Or whatever you celebrate/if you celebrate.

Quick update because I am freezing!

- My grandma got two new video games and spent a decent amount of time playing them today.
- My grandpa asked if my mum and I were having a 'super sparkly day'. (Keep in mind that the man is 80.)
- I received:
-- The box set of the entire series 'Six Feet Under'
-- A Casket Ring (you can hide things in it)
-- A small hearse necklace
-- A casket key-chain
-- And a DVD called 'The Undertaking' (It's about funeral science, in case that wasn't readily apparent.)

So. I'm probably going to do one or several of the following:

- Finish reading a fan story that I still haven't gotten to the end of.
- Start reading 'The Girl Who Played With Fire'
- Watch a DVD/Watch a creepy YouTube video/Watch anime
- Reorganise my Excel spreadsheet for the new year
- Play around in ZenWriter
- Try to complete a soundtrack for a story
- Plan a war (It's for a book, I swear!)
- Plan an emotionally scarring crime/drama novel
- Sleep

Actually sleep is probably going to win. All of this just became by 'To Do' list for tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be fun.

Okay. I hope you all had a wonderful, wonderful day and I will see you all later on.

Bye for now, everyone~

I don't have a title.

And, apparently, my entire life up to this point has been a sham. I can't write. I can't produce a simple story.

Now, to distract from this troubling revelation, here are some other things:

Section One: Reading

I finished 'The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo' yesterday. Actually, a very good read. It's painted in very broad strokes most of the time and that took some getting used to but all in all, it was very good.

I'm a bit bothered by Lisbeth's portrayal and can generally take or leave Blomkvist but overall, it's a rather good story. I'm working my way through the trilogy.

Section Two: Writing

Things are happening. I'm not sure what things but they're happening. I have ideas and a more concrete idea about said ideas.

Also, I think that my characters work best if they're fundamentally screwed up. Aside from that, not much going on.

Section Two-A: WriYe and Arrow of Eloquence

As you may or may not know, Arrow of Eloquence has an amazing person by the name of Siana Blackwood handling the forum when I'm too lazy too - which is, let's face it, most of the time. The 2013 year has been dubbed 'Rise of the YeSpiMad'* and has a suitably awesome forum skin.

We're a small community but we're supportive and everybody knows everybody so, you know, go ahead and stop by when you feel like it. It's a little bit chaotic right now since we're starting to change things over for 2013.

WriYe is still a go for me since the word goal is actually fairly reasonable. It's a nice board. The people seem friendly enough and they have a blogging circle - which, by the way, can be found on the 'Other Inmates' page.

*WriMo shorthand meaning 'Year of Spiralling into Madness'

Section Two-B: Let's Play: WriMo World Tour

Really. It's like:

NaNoWriMo is the Big City. It's the one that everyone wants to go to and everyone dreams about and all that. It's like New York (or possibly Hollywood).

Places like AugNoWriMo and JulNoWriMo are larger towns, places that people have heard about but that don't make the Inkslinger Daily as often.

JanNoWriMo, FebNoWriMo, and similar ones are smaller towns. Slower traffic and not many people.

Places like Arrow of Eloquence are like the residential sections of small towns. Everybody knows their neighbours and most people get along wonderfully.


Section Three: Fandom

Multi-fandom fan site thing.

That's what I'm thinking of. I'm still screwing around with ideas but it might work. Mainly I just want a little project that I can work on without ever thinking 'How can I make money off of this?'


Section Four: The Zombie Apocalypse

Not much to report. Saw my neighbour shambling around her garden but she didn't bother me. One good thing about being so isolated, I guess. No one's too murderous. I think I'll stay inside for today and go on a scouting mission sometime tomorrow or the next day. We have enough food to last a while, even if we lose power eventually.

Stay safe, guys. Look for early warning signs and protect yourselves. It's in your hands now. I'll see you soon.

Popular Posts

I have them, apparently.

Here:

Anatomy of a May WriMo
JulNoWriMo Part 1 - Jezzy Sucks at Writing
Let's Play 'Writers Life' - Part 1 - HIP-HOP ZOMBIES!
. . .
Literal Blog Post
I support Non-Human and Trans-Human Rights (it was like a 'creative writing post' - how did this happen?)
Entry the Seventh: Now I have to memorise a math book.
Fourteen: I just keep finding ways to clutter up that sidebar
Nineteen: Strange Facts and Useless Information
Rambly headcanon/questions post

And I've noticed something:

All of these posts are either short or longer but interesting because the topic changes, like I'm talking naturally.

So, basically, I seem to have moments where, periodically, I forget to just be me.

For example:

It's like, raining and it is hella dark outside. I love it. It's also freezing. I put my hand against the glass in my window this morning. Horrible idea - will never do it again.

Also, my right calf is scratched up something awful. No idea why. My nails have all broken back so far I can't scratch anything with them. Also, my hair is weird. Like, pieces keep separating out and getting in my face. I never noticed this back home; it's just down here.

By the segue... starting WriYe in the desert is gonna be fun. I'm thinking of having the main original project that I work on and having a small fan-story that I can jump back and forth to when I just can't focus. That way I'm still practising - still writing - but I'm getting a break too. Plus that would give me an excuse to keep working on the Weebly site I've been playing around with. I do want to do something with it - I'm just not ultimately sure what.

Of course, I can hardly do fan-stories anymore since I always write a few chapters and then change it into something original. I don't know why - it just always happens.

Having a blog is really very interesting.

I can look back and actually see my concept of 'normal' falling apart as I learn more about myself and the world.

I think it's the rain. The rain always makes me like this - rambly and talkative and wanting to write.

Another thing I've noticed about those popular posts is that I generally deliver something that people like or at least find interesting.

Like, for example, the movie V for Vendetta is a proponent of a very specific kind of heroism - namely that large, sweeping gestures are A) universally good when going up against a corrupt government and B) universally liked among the oppressed people.

In reality, neither of these are true. Now, I realise the fiction operates under neater laws than the real world does. Things have reasons in fiction. V for Vendetta was a wonderful movie.

And it got me thinking.

Why is it that we typically associate heroes with these large gestures that at times boarder on anarchism? I feel it's simply because, even in the real world, these large gestures serve an important purpose. They are not the be-all, end-all as is typically seen in most fiction but they do shock the public into paying attention.

That's all.

These violent, larger-that-life schemes, positive or negative, shock the public into paying attention.

I really think that's at least a large part of why our social construction often praises people who are violent for a 'good' cause (like soldiers) and condemns those who are violent for an 'unworthy' cause (like most assassins you'll ever hear about).

It's all really interesting.

But that's where my head's at today. I think I'm going to figure out exactly how to tackle the work I've got and then maybe go read some more. It's just one of those days, you know. Cosy.

I'm noticing something...

Several things, really:

1) I do better if I'm either encouraged or obnoxiously discouraged. If I'm encouraged and have people around me who are into the same kinds of things that I am, I feed off of that. If I'm obnoxiously discouraged, I feel the need to prove that I can do whatever I want and essentially one-up whoever was annoying me.

2) I need an outline. Not a full outline because I just cannot work from one of those but some semblance of an outline would probably be useful.

3) This place just drains me.

and 4) Some days I have way too many opinions to be on the internet.

But.

My writing is better organised, everything in its own folder. I'm slowly going though everything I can organize and basically just getting it as done as I can.

Really, I need to stop and plan that trilogy of mine out. I have a basic idea of each book (and I mean very basic) but I need a better map than that. And, randomly, I wonder if doing fan stories again would help at all or if I'd just wind up feeling like I should be working on my original stuff? I'm thinking it could be either way. But if I did, at least I'd have a use for my website.

...

I stayed up all night. And I actually feel pretty good, all in all. Basically, I'm channelling my NaNo MMC.

I feel like I should have a page here that defines all the stupid/weird terms I use. Of course there's a limit to how many pages that top bar can fit so I'd wind up linking it in the sidebar or something and we all know that there isn't a lot of room over there anymore. (I probably should do something else with that, I'm still not entirely happy with it.)

*sigh*

It's just not a good month, you know? Like, 'I'm once again considering getting my tongue/lip/eyebrow pierced' bad.

It's around three in the afternoon now. I'm gonna try to make it until about five and then crash. That should get my schedule back a little closer to normal.

Next year is WriYe. That should help. I hope.

Bye for now, everyone. I'm gonna wrap this up before I ramble any more than I already did. I'll check in again (at least once) before the end of the year.

Zydrate comes in a little glass vial.

A little glass vial?
A little glass vial!

(I'm on a Repo! kick. Again.)

I'm also having really bad ideas for books. Like, seriously my notes are a mess. I think I might take the rest of this month and clean things up and get them organised. My current system kind of sucks but I'm not sure what to do with it.

I'm thinking of doing WriYe in 2013. Yeah. (No one talked me off the ledge.) Maybe just a 300,000 word goal, though. I mean, it is for the whole year and that should give me time to go other things. Right? I think so but then again, I'm weird like that. Plus, it just looks like fun for some stupid reason. I probably won't do the whole validation thing for this, I just like the community. They keep me (relatively in)sane.

Too late. This is happening.

help.

Also, the 'Hire Me' page is back up top. (Please to be noticing it now.) It might need some tweaking as I get things figured out but for now, well, there it is. I wish to help you hack up a manuscript and then put it back together. It's like a puzzle you made yourself. Or something.

I don't know - I feel like things are happening and I'm all excited!

I feel like my ideas are a little more vivid for this next year. I mean, don't get me wrong, this month kind of sucks  in terms of how I actually feel, but I kind of think I'm close to figuring things out. I just have to work a little bit at a time, something that I'm generally not very good at.

So yeah. That's where all this is. The last week in December, I think I'll post up my 2013 Challenge page and the one for my goal-list thing for the year. I'd just like to have them in the open so that I'm more willing to work on them because people can tell if I'm not.

I'm either going to A) go back to editing and try to get that scene figured out from this characters perspective, B) go and try to figure out a better system for keeping my writing organised, C) spend some time working on outlining techniques and getting a rough idea of what my first two stories of the year should be, D) eat seaweed and play around on forums, or E) effectively say 'screw it' and go watch TV.

It's probably going to wind up being a muddled mix of most of these, actually.

Oh, well.

Have an awesome day, everyone. I hope you're having a better overall month than I am. (2012 really needs to knock this crap off.)

Feeling better

See this?

Of course you do.

This is a small part of why I'm feeling a little better.

This was quickly kept in check by GIMP being an unremitting douche and me trying to edit. (One of the comments made to myself was, in fact, 'STOP SWITCHING POV MID-SCENE. FUCKING HELL.')

...

I'm not nice to myself. Also, I don't need to curse as much as I'd like to sometimes. Anyway.

Really, I cannot get the text boxes to actually display the text I've shoved into them in GIMP lately. I have no idea why. I just... can't get it to work. So, yeah, taking a break for a little while.

EDIT: I got it figured out. I was on the wrong layer. I hang my head in shame.

So, I need the blurb-thing for the back and whatever else he wants on there and then we're done. Yay.

...

I'm working on a book cover, in case that wasn't readily apparent.

But our Christmas tree is up! I might snag a picture or two to post in the next update. It's really cosy-looking. I got to put the angel up on top. I've done that for twenty years now. Wow. Oh, and we fought with the lights, like always. It was kind of fun in a very frustrating way.

So, while I'm waiting, I think I'll go scrounge up some food and then settle in and watch TV or schedule things or edit or... I don't know, do something.

(It's a weird moment for me. It's like DO ALL THE THINGS combined with This Is Never Getting Done. I also have to pee, which I'm pretty sure is unrelated.)

Bye for now, guys. Thanks so much for putting up with me this year ^^ I bat-love all of you.

In which watching TV shows online is preferable to working.

Really.

I have not been able to focus on anything. All I want to do for the next day or so is curl up and watch TV. Just shut my brain off for a little while.

I've been working on a cover for someone. That's going pretty well but we're kind of at a standstill because there's just not a lot more I can do without more information.

So there's that.

I think I just need a break.

- Finish the cover
- Edit/Combine with 'second draft' (The Book is getting there. Slowly.)
- Set up your 'Hire Me' page again. (I offer editing services)
- Get your list for 2013 finalised
- Set up your project blogs
- Get some semblance of an outline (one that actually works for you) for January.
- Do everything else you're forgetting about right now

Yeah.

I have a lot that I'd like to get done. And no motivation to actually do it. Well, that's not true. It's more like there's a kind of mental block or something. It's not just writer's block either - it's everything.

*sigh*

Screw this - I am now a pony:

I am purple. My name is (apparently) Flare and I am purple. I love me.

(Also, I kinda wanna do this to my hair. It looks awesome.)

For right now, I'm going to curl up and watch shows. Tomorrow (or maybe the day after) I'll jump back on writing, editing and general creativity. For right now, though, I just need to relax.

I hope you all have a nice, relaxing weekend and I will see you maybe on Monday? When I don't feel the need to be a pony anymore?

Yeah. Maybe Monday.

Bye for now, everyone. Have an awesome weekend.

Updates on the List

FantNoWriMo will be in January, June, August, and October.

Script Frenzy in April can still be done but will not be official as the program has been shut down.

Camp NaNoWriMo is in April and July.

But aside from that...

All of my blogs are locked down.
I have serious, life-changing world-domination goals.
I think I've figured out how to clean up the draft effectively.
Now I have to get back on track.

So.

I need an outline for next month. I'm not that worried about it but still, it'd be nice to be a little ahead of the game. Plus, I like that story.

Anyway.

This should probably be a short update so I don't ramble so much.

I have, though, figured out The Book. I think. I hope.

(I was watching a Let's Player named Cry and he just said 'I am adorably tiny! Hell yes!' So I'm sitting here laughing like an idiot. Good moment.)

...

Yeah. this was largely pointless.

I'm gonna go and actually write by book now. So, you know... bye for now, everyone. I shall return. With updates. And...maybe whatever else I can scrounge up that I think it interesting to talk about.

Timed Challenges List

Shamelessly stolen from NaNoFiMo.

I'll probably be posting a list of the ones I'm going to try to do for 2013 at the beginning of the year. Also, I'm an admin for Arrow of Eloquence. So that's cool

It's Sunday so I need to update LJ. I know no one cares about it but it bothers me if it just sits there and I don't want to close it down... So, yeah.

Here. Have a list.

All-year-round:
NaNoPlotMo- plan your next novel!
Genre Writers United- discuss all varieties of genre fiction
Arrow of Eloquence- a year-round hangout for the Pro-WriMo crowd. Also likely to be the home of the WIP-from-Hell challenge in 2013.
WriYe- choose your own writing goal for the whole year
Milwordy- write a million words in 12 months

January:
JanNoWriMo- writing challenge: 50k or your own goal
HistNoWriMo (Historic Novel Writing Month)- writing challenge (goal TBA)
FantNoWriMo- write a fantasy novel (your own goal)

February:
FebNoWriMo- writing challenge: your own goal

March:
MarNoWriMo- writing challenge: your own goal
NaNoEdMo- editing challenge: 50 hours of editing
MarNoReWriMo- rewriting challenge: write the second draft of a completed first draft (any length)

April:
April Fools- writing challenge: your own goal
Script Frenzy- scriptwriting challenge!
AprNoWriMo- writing challenge: your own goal

May:
NaMayWriMo- writing challenge: your own goal
Noveldom and Beyond- reading challenge: read 10,000 pages during May - August

June:
WriDaNoJu- writing challenge: 50k
Camp NaNoWriMo: 50k writing challenge

July:
JulNoWriMo- writing challenge: 50k

August:
AugNoWriMo- writing challenge: your own goal
Camp NaNoWriMo: 50k writing challenge

Setember:
SeptNoWriMo- editing and/or writing challenge: your own goal

October:
GothNoWriMoGothic novel writing challenge: 20k - 70k
SciFiWriMo- writing challenge for sci-fi/fantasy writers: your own goal
FantNoWriMo- write a fantasy novel (your own goal)
Octobernovelwritingmonth- write a novel in October: your own goal

November:
NaNoWriMo- writing challenge: 50k

December:
NaNoFiMo- writing challenge: add 30k to a WIP and/or finish it.

Happy Christmas/New Year.

I'm gonna go and actually write because I have a goal for this week. I know - weird, right?

Progress shall be noted here, along with any ramblings of a life-related nature that I deem interesting and/or space-filling enough to be included.

Bye for now, guys! Have fun planning your year XD

DO ALL THE THINGS!

Mum: 'Was she always this stubborn?'
Grandpa: 'Yep.'
Mum: 'So, you know what you were getting into.'
Grandpa: '...Well, I was young.'

(That exchange had nothing to do with anything - I just thought it was cute.)

So... yeah. I have project blogs to lock down. And I will probably be doing that in fits and starts for the day.

In other news, it's NaNoFiMo - National Novel Finishing Month - which means *throws black and silver confetti* I'll be diving back into the world of what I've so lovingly started referring to as 'The Book'.

This is mainly because 1) I feel  like I should be working on it and 2) that NaNo project needs a break while I untangle the plot threads.

'The Book' should wind up around 85k, I think.

So, yeah. That's the project. And I'm already riddled with self-doubt, which is a very unpleasant feeling, much like soul termites. Any other project and I swear I'd be fine but this one is just nagging at me. And nothing looks right. I think that's my main problem. Nothing I do looks right. It's like I know the story but I can't seem to get my fingers to believe me.

I have a better grasp on it now, I think. Maybe.

There's so much to do - it's just insane.

I'm a little panicky right now but... yeah. That'll fade out I'm pretty sure. I just need to work, right?

Right.

Yeah.

I'm gonna go... do that.

(This is an example of my anxiety-rambling. It doesn't have a point and just eats up space but I can't seem to knock it off.)

I'm actually going to go and work on something now, though. Bye for now, everyone. I will hopefully be back when I feel better.

... I need a list or something.

*collapse*

Ick.

All kinds of things.

My scale reads 127 at this time of night. This is problem and needs to be fixed like now.

(I've also noticed that when writing for Heavy Rain - which will, for the record, require a major overhaul - and when planning for another project of mine, any issues with my weight seem magnified. Randy is underweight for his height and most of The Other Project revolves around not wasting the city's resources and not becoming a drain on the city. There is also a cap on ageing in that one. But that's neither here nor there.)

Life:

A decision has been made. I shall be an artist.

Of course, that means those so much stuff to figure out now but that can be done in fits and starts for a little while, until I stop panicking.

Writing:

There's the book.

This incomprehensible book.

Any other book, I can just write. Any other book, I can fix later and it doesn't feel so frightening. This one though... It's so... dark. And not in the typical way things I write are dark. It's a lasting darkness, something that has the potential to make this one of those books that stays with you for years.

And the least thing I want to do is screw that up.

So, it's to editing. To editing while I try not to ruin it.

Wish me luck.

Complaining Already:

Really. Everything I do looks cheap to me. I'm working on the site and everything I do looks cheap to me. I'm torn between being really professional with the white background and everything and thinking that that's just not what I do. This is not a bright company. It's a dark, horror kind of company. Our focus is on the unsettling, just not in an overly obvious way.

I want to use darker colours but I can't get a theme with them that I don't hate and I don't know enough about coding and CCS to make one.

So, you know, *HEADDESK*

I'm going about it in a different way now and I think it'll work out a little better like this. It's just gonna take forever.

FAKE Geekery:

I never noticed before but in the first volume (OMG, the art style changed so much 0.o) when Ryo is talking with Vikky at the station, he has his tie loosened, the button at his collar undone and he isn't wearing his suit jacket. In the very next scene without Vikky, his shirt is completely buttoned up again and he's fixed his tie.

I'm thinking that's one of the examples of him picking up on things and doing them without making a show of it. No jacket and his tie loosened is very similar to how he first saw Dee - namely, relaxed and not threatening. It's a less professional, more relaxed or easy-going look and so it shortens the psychological distance between him and Vikky at that point, meaning the boy may be more comfortable and more willing to talk.

Later, when Dee is around after Vikky gives them the information, Ryo moves back to the more professional side of the scale, fixing his tie. It's a small change but it still illustrates the distance between him and Dee.

Also, page 38 in volume one - Ryo is in street clothes. I hadn't noticed this before but his shoes have a decent heel on them in that shot - especially for a guy.

Anyway, it was one of those things that you notice on a second read-through.

Okay, I'm gonna go and try to get more things set up. (Just go down the list, right?) I'll see you all soon and hopefully I'll not be panicking and/or exhausted.

I'm Having an Existential Crisis

Seriously.

Like, here's what's happening:

Option A:

Become a mortician/funeral director. Go and have this big life and do all these big things in bigger places. (And move death from 'hobby' to 'career'.)

Option 2:

Get a small, nice apartment in a rainy little town, get a job at a pet store, start up a publishing/art company and have a nice life as a kind of jack-of-all-trades artist. (And be able to say 'Oh, no, no, it's just a hobby' when someone asks me if I'm obsessed with death.)

So.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

They both sound fun.

But, honestly, I'm leaning more toward option two.

I can get a job at a small shop or something - something I wouldn't hate is about all I ask for - and write and crochet and make clothes and make video games and scrounge together friends and funds for a small production company where we can work on the scripts that have been piling up.

That would just be wonderful.

Extra Crap:

I want to do a project here pretty soon - Open Real-Time Worlds (ORTW). It's similar to an ARG but without a strong 'Go here, Do this, Collect this' element, which basically means that it's a world that anyone can just play around in and 'enter' through blogs or social sites or LARP (Live-Action Role-Play) - basically, you're in it as long as you want to be. There are established rules but aside from that you create your character and how they live and all of that within the 'new world' and the rule set.

I can explain this a little better later, hopefully, but I've just always liked the idea of people spazzing and cosplaying and drawing things for things that don't technically exist except for in the collective minds of people who are in on the world and having fun with it.

I think it's a neat idea. Like, I can compile lists of fashions and foods and music and actors and movies, all from these worlds of mine... because I am insane. But I still want to share my toys.

*sigh* I have way too many ideas for my own good.

Also, this was interesting: How Chuck Wendig Writes a Novel.

Aside from all of that... well, not much else has been happening. Grandma's doing well and Grandpa's going in on the third to see about getting the cataract in his left eye removed - good thing, too, because he missed the gate with that truck of his by about four inches the other day.

I'm going to go talk to mum after dinner and well see if we can't hash out what exactly I need to be doing and what steps I need to take.

I'm all mixed up, I think. I love the idea but there's that little, socially engrained part of my brain that says 'Artists have no security! This little, bohemian 'thing' isn't a plan! Do something more safe and normal!'

Obviously, the answer is a gritty, in-your-face 'No'. But still, it's distressing. Can I just... live, for a little while? It's not like I'll be relying on income from that right off the bat - I'll have a job somewhere.

*sigh*

I'm gonna go panic a bit and then work this out.

Bye for now, guys! (Wish me luck, calm things, a clear head, and sugar.)

Rambling

(Really. That's all this is.)

I have, like, 5k left to write and all I want to do is go edit something else.

Or write something else. Or do something that proves to me that the first draft is not a complete train wreck. I mean, there are some very good bits and there's one scene I'll get to today that I think I'll want to keep but still. Plus I'm not sure if I want to wrap things up or leave his fate, as it were, undecided.

So there's that too.

Grandma goes in for cataract surgery tomorrow. She doesn't seem nervous at all now but I'm pretty sure that'll change by tonight (not that I want her to be on-edge or anything, she's just usually fine right up until the night before something big happens and then she starts getting nervous. Me? I fret and fuss and puff right up until and then I just go and do it. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah...) so that's gonna be fun. We have to go to a place that's about an hour (I think?) away so that means 'up early' and 'I should probably bring a book'.

We also have a lot of food around here that we need to use up before mum and I leave. Which is a problem because I've gained about eight pounds. This is not okay. But when we move, our diet will change. It always does. It was a fair bit healthier up there, all in all.

Do I need an 'Editing Bay' section in that sidebar? (Only if I'm going to use it. *headdesk*)

Oh, that's right. Did you hear about Casey Legler? She's working as a male model. Awesome, right? ^^ (If you don't think that's awesome, we are on two different wavelengths.)

I really think that the world is on the verge of a major shift. I mean, I'm not with the doomsday crowd by any means but I wouldn't be surprised if there's some kind of major change that happens around that time. There have been stirrings for years.

So, yeah. I woke up, cleaned up cat vomit and now I'm going to go back to writing. I have ideas. And those ideas spawn more ideas. It's like an idea rabbit-garden. Or something a lot more coherent.

Bye for now, people. Just wanted to update you on the pointless ins and outs of my life.

(*headdesk* I need a plan! *rolls around in self-pity*)

*waves*

Rambly headcanon/questions post

Section One: Silent Hill 3: Vincent Smith

(My guy-mode's namesake.) But I had a thought. Silent Hill distorts images. Even though Vincent backpeddles after that famous quote of his ('Monsters? They look like monsters to you?'), there probably is a good deal of truth to that. But that got me thinking.

In the game, Vincent is always neat and nice and clean in contrast with the dark, rusty, bloody environment of Silent Hill 3. The only thing that is out of step with that image is his teeth. In-game, his teeth are decayed and discoloured. This is a complete departure from the rest of his image and makes me wonder as to symbolism.

Vincent's speech isn't affected in the least which may have been done for clarity in-game but it made me wonder a bit when I first met him.

I wonder if Vincent's teeth are seen to be rotting and discoloured because it's a projection of an internal quality, not because they actually are in the real world - the world not affected by Silent Hill.

Vincent is a manipulative, sly, self-serving man. He strikes me as the type who can lie through his teeth without feeling much. All of that may cause that illusion under the influence of Silent Hill itself. One of my conlangs has a word that uses this concept - savelton: 1: manipulative, 2: pathological liar. (lit. 'False words stain the teeth')

It was an interesting thought so I figured I'd share.

Section Two: FAKE: Randy 'Ryo' MacLane

More of a question post than headcanon this time. I've looked through what's available (translated) from FAKE: Second Season and looked back through series one, as it were, and something is bothering me.

Apartments in New York City are notoriously expensive. This is somewhat covered by Ryo's parents being art dealers in Europe (according to the translation I read). If they worked overseas they were likely good at their jobs and if they were both working at even a low-end salary (around 30,000 a year on most charts) it means Ryo himself would likely be fairly well off since the entire family strikes me as upper-class without being pretentious (even though a line in the second season seems to contradict the wealth, at least on his part).

But that's not what's bothering me.

Ryo's apartment seems over-large for one person, especially someone like him who seems to value his organisation. Why have a bigger place to maintain? (That actually feeds a headcanon of mine that says that he keeps his apartment like a showroom since he often has little to no control over a lot of his life - in particular in work. He copes by controlling every element of his life that he can.)

Moreover, his adopted son Vikky* has his own room, meaning that the place was likely two-bedroom or at least has an extra room. I doubt Ryo would put up with a kid sleeping in a storage closet or something. On top of all that, Ryo's bed is a king and I'm not sure an apartment under about 1,000 square feet would have room for something like that. And that much space seems out of step for a man who saves his money.

(I have similar issues with Dee's apartment, which is really too much space for someone on a detective's salary in the heart of the city, at least from the prices I've found.)

(*I maintain that this was probably what she was going for and that that translation is flawed.)

In other news, a lot is happening. You know, behind the scenes. Like, plans and stuff.

Yeah.

Anyway. That was about all I had. I just wanted to spew out my thoughts to the world, hence why I have a blog.

These are the kinds of things that I think about when I'm 'not doing anything'.

I also have too many tabs open currently so I'm gonna go throw this up online and then... go do something else. Maybe sleep.

Bye for now, guys. Have an awesome day and I will see you all soon, hopefully with some form of actual news!

Research and Things

I found this! Now I kind of wish I hadn't. (Seriously, do click the link. It's nothing visually scary. It's an audio presentation on what it's like to have schizophrenia. It gives you about three and a half minutes of 'I'm so glad I'm healthy (or at least don't have this)'. To get the full effect, put your headphones in and close your eyes.)

In other news, it was my grandma's birthday on the 20th. She's 75. I made her this thing:

Cool, huh?

I think it's cool.

Aside from that, I've been thinking about things.

First off, I cleaned out Twitter and tumblr a little (might cut it down even more later - haven't decided on some people) and I'm feeling a bit better.

I'm just in one of those 'DO ALL THE THINGS' moods. Like, here's the desktop for right now (I just started with the calendar so it isn't too filled in yet...)

Pretty creepy, huh?

I think it's awesome.

This is what I'm working with for the new year, so far. I have so many ideas for books and companion books and all kinds of things that I just really wanna work on. It's amazingly frustrating.

Like, I wanna get to a point where I can use GIMP and Blender to make the sets, basically, and then put them all together into a book so I have them. Because that's apparently how my brain works.

Scents and clothes and books and companion things and special editions and... yeah.

What it boils down to is that I want to do everything and would like to have a system in place that would allow me to do that.

Thing is, I have no real idea of what that system should be. So. While I figure it out, expect random updates as things click.

I know Chrome works fine for me, I know my list of ideas thing works fine and I know that having a graph/progress bar helps to keep me working. Aside from that... *shrug*

I wonder if doing another year of WriMos would be a good option. I mean I did get a fair bit done doing that. I'd have to stagger things though, so I had time to edit. Or I could just work around the first draft of the month (FDoTM?). I DON'T KNOW! *headdesk*

(In other news, I had a five-minute laughing fit that resulted in me lying on my bed with my head down, crying and trying to breathe through the messed-up hyena style laugh that I had going on. You know what triggered it? It was kind of a delayed reaction but it was something a Let's Player named 'Cry' said. In one of the little one-episode games he was playing, you have to run through trenches (in WWI) and avoid raptors. It doesn't really make sense in context either - just roll with it. But at one point, two raptors boxed him in and ate him. And he said something to the effect of, 'Aw, there were two of them! They share me!' And for some reason, I thought that was really, really funny. Yeah.)

I'm gonna take today and try to come up with some kind of system that I don't actually hate. You will be notified of any progress.

Bye for now, guys. I'm closing in on 40k so I'm gonna go... do that.

*waves*

New Browser!

Because Firefox decided that now was a wonderful time to die.

If you've been following along on Twitter, you might have seen the trouble I've been having lately. I can't even get back to my old bookmarks so... yeah. All that's gone. At least the clutter isn't there now. /ever the optimist

Also I have a Twitter header. It's kind of just for me because the font itself and the text in front of it makes it hard to read but I kind of like the obscured look and it's my account so screw you!

Um... yeah. Sorry.

No, but it actually says 'Alice in Writerland', it's just - like I said - hard to read. I kind of want to keep it like that because, you know, I'm me.

So I'm running Google Chrome now. It's pretty cool.

I'm gonna try to keep my bookmarks and things fairly clean and streamlined, you know? Like, not let the clutter build up like it did on Firefox. Seriously, I couldn't even open a new tab. Like even if I only had one tab open, I'd have to click on a link and go 'Open in new tab' and then I could get another tab. I'd shut things down so it could update, I tried to keep from overloading things - it still did it.

So. Not anymore.

I think I need to start using things more for work. That's not to say I won't screw around or save things that aren't business or research but I think I was going too far to the other side before. That was probably a lot of my problem.

Really, once you get past the whole 'Oh, good. Oh, good!' reaction, this is actually pretty positive. Yeah.

*sigh*

I kind of want to go vlog today. Like, just pace around outside... where the lighting is better... and there aren't a bunch of people around... and just talk. And complain. I mean, I have a YouTube channel, I might as well use it. Right?

Right.

So you might get to see me. Maybe. I'm notoriously bad at keeping promises like this though so... yeah. It's really early. And I'm kind of wired.

I'm gonna go. And maybe do something productive. Hopefully. It's been a day. It has been just a day and a half already, you know?

Bye for now, guys. Bye for now. Expect updates. You'll probably be disappointed, but expect them anyway.

I have too many ideas

I really do. I mean I'm glad for them but still, calm down, brain 0.o

Like, it's really bad when I have an idea but I don't have a title so I can't figure out where to put it on my chart thing. That's really annoying.

That chart is up to 108 now.

Yeah. 108 ideas that I need to be working on.

Along with all the shows and movies I want to watch and things I want to read and things I want to make and just... wow. I spend way too much time not doing anything at all, you know?

I think the second draft of Heavy Rain is going to wind up more from Randy's point of view. He's a lot easier for me to write for, for some reason. His scenes usually flow a lot easier than Emily's do.

Oh, well. Looks like I'm...

(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)

...a randy bastard.

(I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Like, really really sorry. It's horrifically late here and OMG, I'm stupid right now.)

Anyway.

Since it's late and I'm anxious, I'll either wind up writing a lot or watching several shows that I've been meaning to either start or finish watching for like, ever. It's probably going to be a little bit of both actually.

Actually, probably a lot of both. Both of those things. Really, all. All of those things since there's several shows I want to watch and, you know... things to read. And I kind of want to get the first draft done so I can edit the living hell out of it.

But yeah. Restless, anxious, thirsty as all hell. That's me right now.

One good piece of news: My grandfather yesterday said that he thinks the world of me and that nothing could change that. My mum later extrapolated that into telling me not to worry about 'pronouns, dress code, gay/straight/bi' or anything like that. As much as I try not to let people's opinions get to me, your family is always a little different, you know?

So that... that was really good to know. I'm like... underneath all the anxious mermaid stuff right now I'm like, so relieved. I mean, I'm still not overjoyed at being in the desert (largely because I love rain and this place is drier than Oscar Wilde) but that really does help.

So, yeah, currently (and I say currently because, you know, fluidity): Jezaret/Jezzy or Vincent/Vince, agender/genderqueer, bisexual.

(That's not so hard, now is it?) <- Look, he's talking to himself.

See? ^^^ That doesn't even look weird to me! *collapse* I need to get used to people not thinking I'm insane. *GASP* That's Randy's problem! (Well, most of it anyway.) He has no idea what to do now that people aren't looking at him like he's psycho. His own brand of randomness and weirdness and 'sleep-deprived Goth 'starvation artist' who drives a hearse' has become his identity and now it's become normal. The issue? Randy hates being normal.

I figured it out! I am a king!

Really, that... that really did help a lot. I know where I'm going now. Awesome.

I actually kind of can't wait to edit this thing. Plus I have another project lined up and I get to help someone by working on that one so that's cool.

Wow. You know, I think this was why I wasn't too crazy about my last few entries here. I either a) wasn't sleep-deprived enough, b) wasn't relaxed enough or c) was just over-thinking things in general. Things are so much more fun when you don't over-think them.

So, bye for now guys. I will hopefully stay on this little groove of mine and be back to bother you all soon~

Doll makers and general rambling

First off, this:

Isn't she awesome?

(The correct answer is 'Yes.')

She's from here and I suggest that you go play around with it if you're in need of a new avatar or just have some time to kill.

...

I would totally dress like this. :|

I would. But I do not have the budget, currently, for that level of awesome.

Okay. Time for a list/texbook heading... thing.

Section One: Writing

I have been. At least, I have been more this month than I did before, which is a little sad when you think about it.

I found a good existing version of a male AI voice so I'm just sitting here, listening and planning for another project after NaNo.

Since NaNo started, I have been gifted three new ideas and submitted an application to be allowed into the RRWG - The Reading, Rambling Writers Group. Their membership has been down the last few months.

Anyway.

Section 1-A: NaNo

NaNoWriMo, Oedipus, are you working on it?

I am. Now.

I miss writing, guys. I really missed it. (Of course, one of Randy's girls bailed on him just before a runway show so he's having to walk and he's kind of flirting with his makeup artist and this is just really freaking fun!)

But yeah. I'm going to get caught up today. It's only 20k and I'm on about 18 now, so that's not that hard.

On another note, I think these section things work really well.

Section 1-B: Scripts

Two scripts, no waiting a lot of waiting because I have a lot of other crap to do.

Seriously, I'm getting ideas for like Season 4 of 'Mortuary Boys'. I'm like, WTF, man?

I think I want to get on those fairly soon, too. I just... when I have a project like this I kind of want it to at least start getting done, you know.

This one and Demonology. Although Demonology should probably be first because I actually have, you know, pages written on that. It's a little longer per episode though.

They're both just so fun. And so hard to focus on.

Section 1-C: Ghostwriting

Why did I give this a section? I'm not allowed to talk about it. But yeah. I have a ghostwriting/helpful writing project thing to do. W00t?

Section Two: Reading

I want to get back on actually reading books again. I mean, I do read but not like I'd like to.

So, that's become the goal for right now: Just finish reading a freaking book. And then move on and freaking read another one. And continue this until you have to buy more because you've read all of yours.

There's also a lot of Creepypasta that I'd like to get through so if I find one that's just amazing, I might link you to it.

Section 2-A: New Book Selection

So. Once I'm through 'The Sociopath Next Door', which is really good and recommended, I'm thinking the Millennium Trilogy (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and those, you know?) Lisbeth seems like a really interesting character and someone I could learn things from reading about.

So I intend to.

So that's where that is.

Section 2-B: Manga

I'm jumping back on the bandwagon here, too. At least, I'm hoping to. If anyone knows of a few good series, totally tell me. I love adding things to the list.

Section Three: TV Shows

Clearly, my version of productivity is watching or reading things that I hadn't gotten around to. But I love the feeling of 'catching up' with something, you know? I have the same recommendation policy here as I do with everything else: Tell me and I'll look into it.

I'm probably going to be trying to start and get through Six Feet Under pretty soon.

Section 3-A: Anime

Ergo Proxy. Devil May Cry. And a host of others that I don't remember right now but are on the list. Speaking of, should I have a list? Like a 'To-Read' and a 'To-Watch' page? I don't know. I'll think about that.

Section Four: Games

On console: Devil May Cry. I want to start from the beginning since I have the first three games.

Also, I've been playing Happy Wheels when I get bored. It's bloody and violent and pixels and I suggest you go play it.

...

This was a really pointless update thing, wasn't it? *sigh*

I really need to get back to talking about actual things. And pictures, maybe.

Bye for now, guys. I need to figure out what I'm doing different with these things.

*backflips into traffic*