I'm noticing something...

Several things, really:

1) I do better if I'm either encouraged or obnoxiously discouraged. If I'm encouraged and have people around me who are into the same kinds of things that I am, I feed off of that. If I'm obnoxiously discouraged, I feel the need to prove that I can do whatever I want and essentially one-up whoever was annoying me.

2) I need an outline. Not a full outline because I just cannot work from one of those but some semblance of an outline would probably be useful.

3) This place just drains me.

and 4) Some days I have way too many opinions to be on the internet.

But.

My writing is better organised, everything in its own folder. I'm slowly going though everything I can organize and basically just getting it as done as I can.

Really, I need to stop and plan that trilogy of mine out. I have a basic idea of each book (and I mean very basic) but I need a better map than that. And, randomly, I wonder if doing fan stories again would help at all or if I'd just wind up feeling like I should be working on my original stuff? I'm thinking it could be either way. But if I did, at least I'd have a use for my website.

...

I stayed up all night. And I actually feel pretty good, all in all. Basically, I'm channelling my NaNo MMC.

I feel like I should have a page here that defines all the stupid/weird terms I use. Of course there's a limit to how many pages that top bar can fit so I'd wind up linking it in the sidebar or something and we all know that there isn't a lot of room over there anymore. (I probably should do something else with that, I'm still not entirely happy with it.)

*sigh*

It's just not a good month, you know? Like, 'I'm once again considering getting my tongue/lip/eyebrow pierced' bad.

It's around three in the afternoon now. I'm gonna try to make it until about five and then crash. That should get my schedule back a little closer to normal.

Next year is WriYe. That should help. I hope.

Bye for now, everyone. I'm gonna wrap this up before I ramble any more than I already did. I'll check in again (at least once) before the end of the year.

I'm Having an Existential Crisis

Seriously.

Like, here's what's happening:

Option A:

Become a mortician/funeral director. Go and have this big life and do all these big things in bigger places. (And move death from 'hobby' to 'career'.)

Option 2:

Get a small, nice apartment in a rainy little town, get a job at a pet store, start up a publishing/art company and have a nice life as a kind of jack-of-all-trades artist. (And be able to say 'Oh, no, no, it's just a hobby' when someone asks me if I'm obsessed with death.)

So.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

They both sound fun.

But, honestly, I'm leaning more toward option two.

I can get a job at a small shop or something - something I wouldn't hate is about all I ask for - and write and crochet and make clothes and make video games and scrounge together friends and funds for a small production company where we can work on the scripts that have been piling up.

That would just be wonderful.

Extra Crap:

I want to do a project here pretty soon - Open Real-Time Worlds (ORTW). It's similar to an ARG but without a strong 'Go here, Do this, Collect this' element, which basically means that it's a world that anyone can just play around in and 'enter' through blogs or social sites or LARP (Live-Action Role-Play) - basically, you're in it as long as you want to be. There are established rules but aside from that you create your character and how they live and all of that within the 'new world' and the rule set.

I can explain this a little better later, hopefully, but I've just always liked the idea of people spazzing and cosplaying and drawing things for things that don't technically exist except for in the collective minds of people who are in on the world and having fun with it.

I think it's a neat idea. Like, I can compile lists of fashions and foods and music and actors and movies, all from these worlds of mine... because I am insane. But I still want to share my toys.

*sigh* I have way too many ideas for my own good.

Also, this was interesting: How Chuck Wendig Writes a Novel.

Aside from all of that... well, not much else has been happening. Grandma's doing well and Grandpa's going in on the third to see about getting the cataract in his left eye removed - good thing, too, because he missed the gate with that truck of his by about four inches the other day.

I'm going to go talk to mum after dinner and well see if we can't hash out what exactly I need to be doing and what steps I need to take.

I'm all mixed up, I think. I love the idea but there's that little, socially engrained part of my brain that says 'Artists have no security! This little, bohemian 'thing' isn't a plan! Do something more safe and normal!'

Obviously, the answer is a gritty, in-your-face 'No'. But still, it's distressing. Can I just... live, for a little while? It's not like I'll be relying on income from that right off the bat - I'll have a job somewhere.

*sigh*

I'm gonna go panic a bit and then work this out.

Bye for now, guys! (Wish me luck, calm things, a clear head, and sugar.)

Like someone liquified a cucumber

Nonsensical blog post title will make sense soon. Promise.

First off, I love my family. Like, I always do but it's just going to be extra-obvious right now. You have been warned.

I have, currently: Assassin's Creed, Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, Dead Space, Dead Space 2, Devil May Cry 1-3, Deus Ex: Human Revolution and Heavy Rain. I started with Dead Space 2 since I didn't have Dead Space until today. (I'm up to where you actually get your first suit and don't have to run around in a straightjacket anymore.)

Here are some of them:

(I'm kind of proud of that Devil May Cry find.)

I also have Fallout: New Vegas on order. It's the Ultimate Edition. So yeah. *SQUEE*

Second, NaNoWriMo. I have such an idea. Seriously. Project blog is here. I really love where this is heading but we'll see how I feel once things get started. It's basically a pseudo-love story (in a psychological way. Like, learn to love yourself, I guess would be the main... the main bullet point of what I'd be trying to get across.) I have a scrapped meeting scene that I might throw up there. Emily was a little too quick to snap at him but Randy was fairly accurate, I think.

Thirdly, website. I think I figured out why it looked so cluttered and how to get around it. Two words: Library Page. It just condenses things and makes it so much easier for me to organise. For some reason all I want to do is get off my tail and actually jump in with the art thing. I guess, now that I have something I'd like to do for a money-making career (as much as I hate that word) I feel like I can be an artist without stressing so much over 'what if this doesn't sell?' because so what? At least I had fun, right?

Fourth, I want to be a mortician. Is that weird? I don't think it's weird but my sense of 'weird' is a little off anyway.

Also, I figured out how to make a 'Cucumberry' drink. If you don't know what that is, don't worry - I just made it up. What it is is this:

Yes, the bottle on the left is this:

And, yes, it does in fact taste like someone liquified a cucumber.

But that's not really the point. The point is that mixing this with a fair bit of the Huckleberry drink results in something that is actually really good. (Mr. Q. Cumber is actually pretty good - it's just really strong.) It winds up tasting like something that should be served in a martini glass with a fresh huckleberry at the bottom.

Also, I found this:

And I thought I'd share because that's really kind of beautiful. It was hanging in my dad's room in Montana when I went to visit.

I like my family. Not a lot of people seem to be able to say that but I really do.

So, bye for now, everyone. I hope you have an awesome day~