The Dangers of Many Things

Namely, the dangers of staying up late, the dangers of writing, and the dangers of reading.

Which, upon closer inspection, sound like a series. Like 'And next on my list is Rabbit Hart's 'The Dangers of Many Things' series. I have the first three books here - The Dangers of Staying up Late, The Dangers of Writing, and The Dangers of Reading.'

Anyway.

First order of business: I have found a site I truly love. And it is this site [right here].

(For those of you who don't want to click that, it goes to a site called the Book Depository, which is great and you should go there. That place makes me feel like I need to set aside a 'book budget' each month just for this place. It is a beautiful thing.)

Secondly, I am planning.

I realize that I plan a lot and not much seems to come of it most times but I feel like being serious for a while here.

I am planning on using Camp NaNoWriMo (in July) to revamp a story of mine that I'm still a bit in love with but that I hadn't really gotten around to, you know, fixing. And I'm like unusually focused about this right now. I even bought a book (which I'd kind of been wanting to read for a while, honestly) off of a gift card just so I could write the main relationship correctly.

You know, it's weird: that trip to Chicago really kinda shook things up. (A longer post about that trip is coming, by the by, I just haven't finished it yet.) I guess it might have made me realize that A) there's way more to life than just this little logging town and the comfortable rut Mom and I were essentially living in, at least mentally, and B) a lot of my productivity is tied to how much I'm reading. As soon as I finish a book, I want to do two things - pick up another one, and go write one myself.

So.

I'm going to hang out for a little bit longer. Maybe finish reading Marley & Me. Tomorrow will probably be spent figuring out just what the hell I mean to do exactly, watching The Venture Bros., making awesome food for dinner, and writing things.

I'm oddly happy about that simple prospect.

Another 2 AM

I feel like I've used that title before. Anyway.

Have a lot of tears:

'A Letter To Zachary'. It's a really, really good documentary but it's so painful.

I think tonight will be spent listening to Markiplier to cheer myself back up and writing because I need to write a lot more than I do. I need to be kicking so much more ass than I actually am. I totes mcscrotes need to be more awesome. (I'm sorry, I'm sad and I just wanted to use that phrase.)

Basically, this was just because I felt like I needed to update. School only has a couple of weeks left and I am very, very glad. So...

Bye for now, people. I am still alive, I'm just not updating much because we'll be moving soon and that's stressful. But, yeah, I'm still around.

I've been thinking

Not very hard, but... I have way too many blogs on here that I'm just not using. I mean, I have about 60 that I'm pretty sure I'm never going to do anything with.

I don't know what's going on right now, I just - I have to do something.

School starts today. So does Camp NaNoWriMo. So that means that I have things to read and write and keep up with. Part of me feels like this is just an unstable year - where things are just strange and you start to figure things out but you can't quite put it into words or action just yet.

I have a story that I've been 'editing' - and I use that term lightly - for months now and that's really going nowhere because I'm sick of looking at it. I have no idea what I want to do with my site - you know, the one that I've been re-working for the past, what, year? Year and a half? Maybe more than that? I don't even know anymore.

My head hurts.

For right now, I think I'm going to get something to eat and go sign into the maths lab thing so I don't fall behind. That's one thing I'll really have to watch about having a semester online - I tend to put things off instead of getting them done early. Which is very annoying because I want to be the type of person who has everything done yesterday.

Anyway.

Bye for now, everyone~ I'll see you again soon.

I'm Awake

This is kind of a problem seeing as it's around 5 in the morning.

Really quickly:

I'm on Wattpad. You can find the widget in the sidebar. I'm slowly getting things edited and I have collected a follower, amazingly.

I went to the Goodwill and came back with clothes and shoes and books and it was a very good trip ^^ I found the third Harry Potter book, The Uglies, The Curious Incident of The Dog in the Night-time, and Daughter of Smoke and Bone. And pinstriped things. Lots and lots of pinstripes. So, yeah, good trip. (Although my brain decided to make me laugh in the dressing room by saying "I'll be right out - I just want to see how my girl-goods look in ruffles." My brain is odd.)

Camp NaNoWriMo starts soon (on the same day as my next semester). I have an idea I would dearly love to do - I even have a beta-reader for it - but I'm really just hoping that I have the time.

For right now though, this has been an 'I'm still alive' update. I will probably try to sleep here pretty soon since the coffee's starting to wear off a little. I'll check back in soon~

I haven't been sleeping well.

I haven't. I'm awake until around two or three in the morning and when I do fall asleep, I'm tense. It's like I just don't relax. I can't focus at all so any little thing feels like an accomplishment. I mean, this:

This did not take me long at all but I was all happy when it was done. (It's just a mock up for a story I'm considering for Camp NaNoWriMo. It's not that big of a deal.)

*sigh*

Anyway.

It's been rough lately. It's after midnight on a school night and I'm still awake and I get the feeling that the next few days will be very, very long. We're moving so that's always stressful. I'm a little in love with the house though. It's really cosy. (I really like the one we're renting too; it just isn't ours, you know?)

I want to write. I do. I mean I really do. I'm just terrified. I realise that successful people do things afraid, but that doesn't mean that it's easy.

So. I've been up and crying for a while. Just anxiety. (It sucks but it's just anxiety.) I know I need to sleep, though. No more early mornings but I'll be on campus until three tomorrow and I don't want to feel so drug out in Psych. That class is long enough as it is. (It's two hours and I'm not overly fond of the instructor.)

I don't have that much longer until we get a break for the semester, though. I'm hoping I can stick to online classes over the summer. I just need a little time to regroup.

But, yeah. I'm planning to be at Camp NaNoWriMo in July so that should help to take my mind off of things. I hope so. I've been feeling awful lately and I have no explanation for it aside from all the stress of the past few weeks. I realise that, psychologically, that's a completely valid reason but it doesn't feel like it.

Here, have a beautiful song:

I've been listening to this for a while because it's giving me feelings. Mary Black's voice is just beautiful, really.

I need to be trying to sleep so I think I'll wrap this up pretty soon. I don't know how I'm feeling, I guess is what it comes down to. It's like I don't know who I am, really. And, yes, I do realise that I'm twenty and almost no one has it together at this age - that's not the point. The point is that it's stressing me out.

I think I'm afraid of things working out. I'm a little scared of sending something off and getting it picked up. In addition I'm afraid of things not working out because then I'm stuck and (I feel like) people think I'm stupid/untalented/useless/etc.

So I can't win. The only way forward is to pick a path and stick with it unless and until it becomes clear that that choice is not the best one for where you are in your life right now. But that's terrifying too.

I think I'll just have to be stressed and scared for a while. That's probably what a lot of my life is going to be. I'm weirdly, sort of okay with that, in a Thanatos-heavy way.

I'm sure I'll be fine. I always am. Things are just... weird right now, is all.

But, I hope you all have been doing well. I'll be back to ramble at you soon.

Welcome to Camp

I just now realised A) what a bad idea it is to drink a bunch of coffee right before bed and B) that Camp NaNoWriMo and school start in the same month.

While I collect my thoughts on this matter, enjoy this picture of my desktop:

Does it not amaze you? (I have little Ginoza Nobuchika shimeji! Squee!)

A 'shimeji' is a 'desktop buddy'. They walk around and climb up your windows and multiply and be adorable and you can grab them with your mouse and fling them around. They'll stick to the sides of the windows and start climbing. So yeah. There's where a lot of my time has gone.

(Also, quick note: Blogger is being a douche with a capital bag right now so some of the links up top might not work. IDK what's going on but it's not really letting me do much. So.)

Anyway. It's the first day of Camp NaNoWriMo and I'll be working on a story that's been nagging at me so that should be both helpful and frustrating. School starts on the 8th so that's going to take some getting used to. At least it'll give me a little more structure.

I'm there from 9 in the morning to noon most days (well, except for Tuesdays and Thursdays when I have Psych (it gets out at three) and Fridays when I just have maths).

But. when all this is over with I'm thinking of going to Evergreen since they have this Visual and Media Arts thing there. It sounds like something I'd really love to study, honestly. I'm still planning on mortuary school, just not for a little while. It's a really restrictive job and... well, just not yet. Some day but not yet.

But yeah. Camp NaNo and 60 Followers on tumblr. Good day, really, all in all.

Just wanted to check in and say hi and all that. I might be more active or way less active depending on how life goes for the next little while but I am around and I am doing Camp NaNo and... that's about it. So, I'm going to go snag something to eat and then maybe try to actually work. (And I mean 'work' this time. I want to start getting things out there. I have so many stories just sitting around and... well, it's kind of making me sad.)

Apparently

manually strangling someone will not bruise your hands. The neck is very soft and the most effective way is to just use your thumbs and the side of your hand to cut off the jugular vein and the windpipe. It doesn't take much.

...

It was another writer on Twitter. That's how I know that, I swear!

Anyway.

The place we were looking at fell apart on inspection (Really, who thinks it's a good idea to put layer after layer of shingles on a roof? When you do that, you get bends and dips in the sheeting/decking and then you have to tear the whole thing out and redo it. Unacceptable!) so we're going to go out looking again tomorrow. This is getting annoying but, hey, what can you do?

I think at least two people are going to die in this first chapter. I really do. One on each side, probably. On the upside, I did get to call Nicolai a 'Russian murder machine' (which he kind of is. Boy is seriously messed up).

I'm not sure exactly how screwed up this book is going to wind up being but I'm leaning toward 'very'.

Aside from that drama, I don't really have much of an update... I'll probably try to sleep on this little half-hatched idea of mine here pretty soon. I think I can run with it.

Night, guys! Hopefully, I'll have some house-related good news tomorrow.

Moriarty

I'm in Moriarty. No, really. It's in New Mexico. Look it up.

Aside from that, I can hardly type because I just pulled about a 16k day. My hands are on fire. But I won. And I am too tired to even write a proper blog post about that. I'm also too tired to sleep. It's like I'm wired on exhaustion. I had a crying giggle-fit in the car earlier because I was so tired. Then I wanted to write about Greg and Terry from American Dad. Don't know why but my computer battery was almost dead so it didn't really matter why.

Anyway. As you can probably tell, I'm tired and not the most coherent right now so I'm going to wrap this up and probably curl up somewhere and whimper.

I'll catch you all up on things when I'm less brain-dead and can type without flinching and constantly missing keys.

Bye for now~

*SCREAMS*

Seriously. That's about how I feel right now.

Reasons?

1) Editing job came though. I signed an NDA (Non-Disclosure Agreement) and everything! I'll get the hard copy books soon so I can catch up and then I'll be working with them and askjdflsdj

2) On another awesome note, I think I've discovered the root of my obsession with psychotic characters. Yeah. Those are the kind of major life-discoveries I make at this time of night. But at least now I can see how one psychotic character led to my current obsession with psycho, scarily intelligent, gender-bending characters with screwed-up backstories. Huh. Yeah.

3) I have books and mum promised to help me organise my room. That might not seem like something to scream about but to me it is. I love organising things... because I am weird, apparently.

4) Less awesome note: Our air conditioner is frozen. Like 'ice on the pipes' frozen. In the middle of the desert. When it's 80 degrees in the middle of the night. The hell? Seriously:

See this? All this white? That's ice. Those pipes are supposed to be copper-coloured, like the one in the front. Here's another one, closer up:

This is insane. It also means that we have no AC for a while because it won't run when it's an ice cube. Obviously.

5) Camp NaNoWriMo. Which currently can be summed up as 'If you talk about my word count, I will put forks in you'. But getting better. Really. Getting better. I'm starting to see more of a plot than I thought I had which is so nice right now.

That's about it for right now. I'm going to try to get to at least something approximating my actual goal and then calm the hell down about that editing gig.

I hope you all have a great day and I will be back soon to ramble at you and spam you with pictures of things you probably don't care about ^^

Arizona

Yep. I'm in Arizona.

As such, I figured I should proceed to spam you all with pictures. Here I go:

See this? These are mountains as seen from the front windshield. I actually really like how this was kind of framed out by the car...

Also, mountains are BIG. 0.o

I also took a picture of the METROMINT bottle. This stuff is awesome, by the way. It tastes just like chocolate and mint :)

Now for the fun part: Playing 'How High Will the Temperature Climb?'

When we got into the real desert - what we consider the real desert - this was the reading:

Ick. But wait, it gets worse...

Closer, but no. Try again.

That's right! (Sorry for the blur.) Yep. It was an oven out there. And it didn't drop much by the time we actually got to the house. French the llama, that's hot!

The house is still really comforting though. My grandpa built a front porch on it an we all sat outside last night and talked and watched the jackrabbits. There were so many jackrabbits! :D

But it's nice to see my grandparents again. It's been about 2 months since I saw them last.

I've been locked in my room for a while today, trying to get some kind of caught up on Camp NaNoWriMo. Strangely, it seems to be working.

I'm also offering editing services... she says as a way of explaining the 'Hire Me' page. If anyone else has done NaNo - or any other WriMo - and has a project they'd like edited for a reasonable rate, send me a message. I always like helping artists  ^^

I can't even believe my life at this point. I'll probably update again here soon and explain everything but for right now just... wow.

Okay. I'm gonna go write a little more and try to figure out some kind of list or schedule or something to keep me busy.

Until later, then~

I'm in Oregon

Just thought you ought to know.

I'm in an Econolodge sitting on the bed and debating about writing a little before I try to sleep. I'm all full of veggie burger and fries and a smoothie. But I have plot kinks to work out... and a metric buttload of words to write. Like, I'm missing a major piece of the plot puzzle here: What the hell was so bad that one of the Inspectors - codenamed 'Loki' - thought it was worth making the jump between worlds using The Bridge, of all things, as a crossing point? More than that, he drug Michael along! (That will likely make no sense to you. That's fine - as long as I know what I'm talking about.)

I'm not sure if I'll write or sleep but I'll probably end up writing on the road tomorrow no matter what I do. So. I'm going to wrap this up for now and watch the rest of Chopped and then I don't know what I'm going to do. Likely sleep.

I will still win. Because even if I wind up deleting most of the story, I will at least have a story to delete most of. Or something. I'm tired. Can you tell?

Night~!

. . .

Okay, here's how things stack up:

1) I haven't heard back on a certain beta-reading/editing project I was kind of really excited about and that's making me nervous. Everything's probably fine but I just really want to work on this and... ACK! I don't want to be annoying by sending too many messages but I don't have an answer and it's bothering me.

2) (Less serious, technically) I've restarted Camp NaNoWriMo. Why? Because I am a derp who is stressed about point 1 and can't focus. It is now a story about... I don't even know but the words are coming easier on this one so I'm rolling with it :D

3) I've restarted (at least in my own head) the self-published author thing. I've figured out that I don't really care about the money (even though it's nice to have). What I like is the fandom that small things gather - that and just the love of the work.

And 4) (so ranked because it's still in planning stages) I've been clicking away at a Word document filled with information on how authors who plan to self-publish can hire me as a beta-reader/editor with prices at a reasonable level and negotiable based on volume of work and the client's ability to pay. I love to help artists who chose not to go through major companies. That's a very brave thing to do! And it just might be the future of the industry.

But yeah. I'm stressed and I hope I didn't lose that job - I'm sick over that thought, by the way - and I'll be starting school soon (for psychology) and... just yeah. Stress and happiness all rolled into one right now. I'm leaving tomorrow or the next day to start this whole thing and it's just... insane. This all happened amazingly fast and somehow, yes I'm stressed (I wonder how many times I've used that word in this thing?) but I'm not as freaked out about it as I thought I'd be.

Huh.

I'm okay. And it's a weird and wonderful feeling - to be okay.

I'm very jittery inside right now so I'm going to go write for a little while and then we'll see where we are in the morning. *waves*

Wow

This has actually not happened before.

I ship my main characters. Well, that's happened before - but I ship these two like whoa. Like, I'm crying a little because I just have a lot of feelings about them. I have music that makes me think of them, some of which is playing right now and ow, my little writer heart. *gross sobbing*

This is insane. It's nice, but it's insane.

That was really the only news right now. I'm just kind of... shocked, I guess. Haven't felt like this about characters in quite a while. Hopefully that means I'm doing better with characters in general.

Huh.

*toddles back to book*

Updates and noisy neighbours.

First and foremost - Camp NaNo and a few small presses that might be a good home for the finished piece.

Camp NaNoWriMo starts on Friday. Currently vomiting rainbows over this but nervous as well. I'll actually be trying to keep myself on track this time since I'm planning on making this at least somewhat marketable. (Not the kind of marketable that I hate - where you can't even recognise it from the original idea but the kind of marketable that lets me make a living on the things I love.)

Secondly, the place next door to us used to be a drug den. I am not happy about this. It's not horribly dangerous here or anything but I would um... like to move. I can occasionally hear someone yelling things like 'Shut the [expletive deleted] up!' at, like, 11 at night. That said, until I can get this writing thing figured out, if you could go here and look around, those are crochet food and duct tape things that I kind of want to sell. If you're interested or know someone who might be, please pass it along or email me. Since the shop isn't set up yet, prices are still negotiable.

(I think the doughnuts and simple cupcakes make awesome pincushions and the cakes are really huggable ^^)

I want to get back to making things and writing things like I used to. I could be really dangerous if I could just get back there.

But, I'll figure it out. The depression doesn't exactly help that but it's all something that can be worked around. Just a matter of grit and grim determination.

I will return soon. When you least expect me. And then I shall tell you a tale. You will take this tale and keep it. You will analyse its many meanings and arrive at a conclusion. Then I shall return. And inform you of just how wrong you are.

/crypticblogpost

[Seriously, if you can/want to buy something crafty from me, please do. Every little bit helps.]

I'm Not Dead

I'm just deep in the planning stages of Camp NaNoWriMo. And collecting tumblr followers because of it (Seriously, I'm up to 31 now).

That's basically what my life has been about for the last few days - that and travel and crafts and music and the general feeling of 'I will never be normal and I'm fine with that' that my life is usually comprised of.

Quick update is quick but I should have more to say once Camp NaNoWriMo starts. Most of it will likely be spazzing/complaining but hey, at least I'll have something to do. (Sadly, I get bored very easily. A large portion of my life has been spent trying to remedy this.)

Awkward

That awkward moment when your 'People with your personality-type' list contains both Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs) and Professor Moriarty (Sherlock Holmes' nemesis). Of course it also contains Cassius (Julius Caesar), Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice), Gandalf the Grey (J. R. R. Tolkein's Middle Earth books), Ensign Ro (Star Trek--the Next Generation), Rosencrantz and Guildenstern (Hamlet), George Smiley, John le Carre's master spy and Clarice Starling (Silence of the Lambs).

So it could be worse.

On the non-fictional front, there's: Susan B. Anthony, Lance Armstrong, Augustus Caesar (Gaius Julius Caesar Octavianus), Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice), Dan Aykroyd (The Blues Brothers), Katie Couric, Phil Donahue, Michael Dukakis, governor of Mass., 1988 U.S. Dem. pres. candidate, Richard Gere (Pretty Woman), Rudy Giuliani, former New York City mayor, Hannibal, Carthaginian military leader, Emily Bronte, author of Wuthering Heights, Angela Lansbury (Murder, She Wrote), Peter Jennings, Charles Everett Koop, C. S. Lewis (The Chronicles of Narnia), Michelle Obama, General Colin Powell, former US Secretary of State, Charles Rangel, US Representative, D-N.Y., Pernell Roberts (Bonanza), Donald Rumsfeld, former US Secretary of Defense, Hillary Clinton, US Secretary of State, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California, Josephine Tey (Elizabeth Mackintosh), mystery writer (Brat Farrar), and the U.S. Presidents: Chester A. Arthur, Calvin Coolidge, Thomas Jefferson, John F. Kennedy, James K. Polk and Woodrow Wilson.

I seem to be in decent, if at times psychotic, company ^^

Anyway.

I finished Paper Towns and I kind of loved it in a way that I can't quite explain. I also figured out that I needed a calendar gadget. Because I am notorious for not getting things done on time. Also that my desktop layout is essential to my productivity. Thankfully, I think I've found one that works.

Aside from that, I've been working for the fast coupe of hours and I'm actually feeling pretty good ^^ I hope you guys are having a good time today and I will be back to spazz at you when Camp NaNoWriMo starts.

Writing and Anime

Because that's about all I've been doing. Actually, editing and anime but whatever.

Here's the basic rundown:

Paper Towns has given me so many ideas and John Green's style is really just easy and fun to read. I just like him, I think.

The new Lupin III series (The Woman Named Fujiko Mine) is kind of awesome. I'd never seen the original Lupin III but I'm pretty much up to speed on the basic character relationships. Also, Oscar. New character for this series, sweet guy, thin as a rail, dark, curly hair, wears high-heeled boots with his uniform and seems to have some gender-identity weirdness and a borderline-psychopathic crush on his commanding officer, Zenigata. In short, most if not all of the things I like. So, that's another unhealthy obsession. *crosses it off the list*

Sometimes, I wonder what a psychiatrist would say about me?

I've been editing. In fact, I've been editing things that aren't mine. Admittedly, I do that all the time, but this time the person knew I was editing it. And it was actually kind of fun.

I have other stuff to do but in between all that, what remains of this month will be spent preparing for Camp NaNoWriMo. Which means the outline I'm working on because I can't sleep should probably be at least some degree of finished. And the outline for August. I'm just planning stuff all over the place, aren't I?

That August session is gonna suck though, because the story is just so uplifting/depressing that I'm not even sure which one's going to win out. Either way, it's gonna be rough.

I'm sorry for the lack of updates, guys. I just haven't felt like saying much.

I'm settling in, at least. We've been taking walks every day around this little patchwork town and that's been fun. Aside from the bumblebees. I mean, they're cute and all, I just don't want them bumbling into me.

... Going back to anime, I'm actually a little emotionally wrecked over episode 6 (seriously, Fujiko, you do not use Oscar's feelings like that. What part of you thinks he's emotionally stable?) so I think I'm just going to curl up and possibly cry and hopefully be able to sleep.

Or I could just stay awake seeing as it's 5 in the freaking morning. *headdesk*

Whatever...

Good day/night everybody. I will try not to disappear on you like that again but, as always, I make no promises. For now, I'm going to roll around on my bed, in physical pain for a fictional character and then after maybe an hour, we'll see how we feel. It's already light here and it's throwing me off...

Bye, guys~ Don't write anything I wouldn't write.

Well, I feel awful.

And I'm not sure why. I was sitting out at the kitchen table for a while but I can back into my room after about an hour or so. I feel a little better in here, at least.

AugNo story is sent to 'beta reader roommate' and I'm just hoping it's fixable right now and that I don't suck as bad as I think I do. (I'm not good with the whole self-esteem thing right now.) Aside from that not much has happened. I want to start with short stories a little more aggressively and I have a list of horror and sci-fi mags that I can send to.

Things just feel weird for me today. I think I just need to curl up in the dark and write for a while. I have too many ideas in my head most of the time... At least Camp NaNo is at about 40k. That helps a little ^^

I'll try and update this again when I'm a little less 'I hate you go die' about things. Thankfully, these moods don't seem to last too long, overall.

In the interest of undoing damage...

sounds like a chapter title. But it isn't. At least not yet. It could be.

But really this is to just kind of clear things up. That last post was written from a very dark place in my mind. That's the part I try to shut out as much as I can. I'm not usually so depressed as all that. In fact things feel a little better today. (Well, not physically since my shoulders are in knots and I have a headache but emotionally...)

I don't want anyone to worry about me over this, all right? I'm okay, I promise ^^ I have peanut butter and jelly crackers - how can I be sad? ^^

Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled blog.

I'm on a site called 750words. It is awesome. This is fact. :| No, but it's pretty cool. The goal is to write 750 words every day. It can be on anything. It can be a section of a story, it can be a journal, whatever you want as long as you write. Once you write for long enough, you can get to all kinds of stats on how you did and what your average moods are (I think it goes by key words or something like that). Thanks to it, I know I type around 35 words a minute 8D

My craft stuff is coming along. I can make quite a few doughnuts at once if I'm really focused on it. I'll have to check how much yarn I have though since I've gone through a skein already.

The writing's actually going a lot better now. I'm staying on pace and hence not panicking nearly as much as I used to. Since I've been playing around with Minecraft classic (which is a total time-suck, I promise you), I actually feel a little better about the worlds I'm writing for. I feel like I can see them much more clearly if I have some kind of mock-up to look over and wander through.

I'm at almost 50k total this month. *half-way point party*

And what else? Nothing? Oh... well, then. I will see you all a little later then and I hope you have a wonderful day.

I still can't believe I won.

Yes, you read that correctly, I won JulNoWriMo!

Of course, JulNo is by no means done but I don't have to work on it anymore. Which of course means I want to work on it. Camp NaNo is still going pretty well, though. The infection is starting to spread now and Kat's trying to get his information together and figure things out before it gets too bad. So that's kind of interesting. The two Security Agents are outside the system, trying to track down the faulty (possibly planted) piece of code that's causing it so everything's just kind of starting to move along a little better now.

I was having a little trouble focusing yesterday so I'm hoping that's cleared up today. Everything was off yesterday and it was just...ick.

AugNoWriMo has this thing called Milestone (it's a short story anthology) than I'll probably try to get into this year. I know it's nothing too big but it would still be cool to see my name in print. ^^

In other (more personal) news, I was having some pretty bad gender dysphoria yesterday. It's usually not this bad since it's just internal most of the time but it was kind of on my mind the other day. I mean, I suddenly have, like, no clothes I can wear because almost everything makes me feel too feminine. It's just...really annoying.

I don't want to be a guy permanently. I just feel like a guy sometimes. I don't want hormones or surgery or anything like that. I'd just like to be able to dress as and be referred to as a guy during those times. I don't think my family really gets that (well, the ones that know, anyway). I doubt my grandparents would understand at all, though so it's probably best if I just let it alone for a while when I'm around them. I get the feeling that that leads to a few awkward conversations.

But other than that I'm doing pretty well. I think this blog will get updates on Tuesdays and Saturdays mainly (unless something Earth-shattering happens, of course). I have a little schedule for all the sites I'm on so I don't just let them sit there. It's overall pointless but it gets my name out there and makes me seem accessible, so I guess it works in my favour.

I need to wrap this up before I start to ramble. So, bye for now~