I changed the url, too.

This has all been such a cluster lately that I felt a change was warranted.

A little distance.

I've been writing again.

Nothing too fancy - just messing around with ideas. I have two right now that I'd kind of like to see at least mostly done before too long. I actually started screwing around with GIMP and a site with a metric buttload of public domain photos (most of which are not that great for my purposes but, oh well). I found one image I liked, though, and I've been gently arguing with that for the last little while.

But it's basically done now though, so that's cool.

Also, my computer has been randomly locking up for a few seconds before unfreezing again, which is irritating because it's not just one page/the program I'm working in - it's everything. Like, even my music will lock up and make this weird screeching sound like 'eeeeeeeeeeee'. So yeah, annoying. Plus, you know, I like this computer so I'd kind of rather it didn't die or explode or commit any other form of ritual suicide.

It's February. And that means that one month is gone. Already. So I'm both scared and happy. Scared because... well, just because I'm very aware of time and how scattered I've been lately and happy because things are (slowly) getting done.

Oh, and before I forget: Congratulations to the Seattle Seahawks!

Currently, I'm sitting on my bed and bouncing back and forth between maths and mild anxiety/life plans so... yeah. That's basically what my life has been since school went back. It's just an odd quarter this time. I was the only one in my Latin class on Thursday because there are only about four of us in there total.

*sigh* I just... I'm having a lot of issues bubbling up to the surface now for some reason. It's all... amazingly annoying. Me, I catch myself just kind of sitting around like the Frankenstein of potato bags, bored out of my mind but having no desire to do anything because why? But it gets even worse when I realise that I want to do things but none of those things are school-related. So now I have to sit around and clutter up my head-space with a bunch of meaningless things that I'm never going to touch again. Fun.

It all just proves to me that I like learning but I'm not at all in love with school.

... You know, it's really weird when you realise that you're not happy and probably haven't been for a long time. You go along and you don't engage and you don't think about much and then one day, you're doing your laundry at eleven at night because you couldn't be bothered to do it earlier, and you're gearing up for one of your insomniac nights where you don't go to sleep until about three in the morning when your alarm is set for five but it doesn't matter because you ignore it anyway, and then it hits you. So you stand there and stare at one of your black towels which is slowly falling apart and it finally clicks that you're doing the same thing. You keep going to school because 'well, I'm in it now and I'm getting close to graduating' even though you have no idea what you actually want out of life in terms of anything that a degree or college classes would help, and you keep telling yourself you're okay with things and with your life and with the fact that you can't focus enough to study even if you cared to and so you're torn between just quitting - everything - or packing a bag and getting on a train with what little money you have because maybe, just maybe, it'll jar something loose and make you feel something that lasts.

And even like this, on my own blog which very few people read, I still have to say 'you' because that gives me a little bit of distance from everything.

And I'm not going to make some big, impassioned speech about how it gets better and that this is the day that all that changes because speeches like that never feel sincere. Honestly, I don't know what to do with this. It should be an easy choice, at least on the surface: Do you want to be happy the rest of your life or miserable? And I think that's what scares me the most. I don't have an answer because I don't know what being happy would feel like. I've locked everything down so much I'm not sure I can get to it anymore. That's the best way I can say it right now.

And, because timing is everything, this post just showed up on my tumblr dashboard:

"Mental illness is like fighting a war where the enemy’s strategy is to convince you that the war isn’t actually happening."

I am an Adult. Also, What Kind of Name is 'Sherlock' Anyway?

These are the types of questions that come to me while I'm supposed to be planning something else.

Also, I've been throwing up lately. Well, not a lot - just a little. Like just once so far this year. Because of a bad headache that resulted from crying. Because that is a thing that happens quite a bit.

Aside from that, I've had a thought: I need to do things. Doing things is good and doing things for a while makes me want to continue doing things. The problem is that I seem to realise this several times a year and the proceed to do absolutely nothing about it. This is an issue for a wide verity of reasons, the most immediate of which is that it makes me hate myself.

So I'm thinking this should probably be the year of goals and, you know, getting rid of that mentality. I don't want to be all ~POSITIVITY~ all the time because that's A) not realistic and B) really, really annoying. But. I've been working out a little and that seems to be helping more than I thought it would. I changed my tumblr blog theme (and I like it - I even have a custom cursor (I've never had one before) so that's cool too). and really, things could be a lot worse than they are. I still need to sit down and really memorise my Latin (and stop saying 'really' so much) and I still need to read chapters one and two for chemistry. And I have algebra to do. But it'll get done.

That's another thing I need to get through my head: I don't have to work as fast as I can on everything - I just have to work consistently and things will get done.

And that it's okay if I don't sleep or don't sleep much some nights. It's okay if I over-eat for a day or so here and there - it does not mean that I'm weak or a terrible person. Same with writing. Just breathe and do what you can and it will get done.

But yeah, I've been through two workouts now (50 minutes and 60 minutes) and I can do more than I thought I'd be able to so that's pretty good to know. I'm not as out of shape as I thought I was.

[On a completely random note, never try to correct your autocorrect because things like this happen (not mine but found it hilarious) 'We hop' 'We hopping' 'We home' 'Wawa skittletits' 'WE HOPE']

And since this one post has taken me far, far too long to write, here:

Daft Punk songs - no instruments. It's more than a little insane. (I've been meaning to post this video up so my mum could see it but I kept forgetting. So yeah.)

Right now, it's after one in the morning and I have a long day tomorrow and I'm not tired so I will probably wind up watching Markiplier videos and listening to music until around two and then trying in vain to sleep. Just so we're all clear on the plan.

I hope everyone's year has been going at least decently so far. If it has, that's wonderful and I hope it continues and if it hasn't, well, nothing lasts forever and things will improve soon. They always do.

Bye for now, everyone. Bye for now~

So, DashCon

These two right here, Dee Laytner and Diana Spacey

are on my cosplay list for DashCon. Dee's going to be fun and his outfit is decently easy. It's just the hair I'm probably going to have to fight with a little.

Diana is a little more complicated:

She's so fab, though~ <3

Cecil from Welcome to Night Vale is also on my list but no one knows what the man looks like so I kind of have free reign there. I also need an outfit for a formal dance (DashProm) and for a rave. I also have a friendship basket to do, the list for which is back in this blog somewhere (I know I posted it).




And now for something completely different.



Section Two: Writing

As in, I can get back to writing because this quarter is essentially over. Also, this happened:

Friend One: I think we all agree you're like.. one of our favorite writers ever. YOU WERE LIKE. MY WRITING SENPAI WHEN I FIRST MET YOU... I was so intimidated to talk to you xD cause you were so good

Me: ASDFGHJKL; What, really? People tell me this... but then I'm a geek and they stop being so intimidated (which is very good because I'm about as intimidating as a pink butterfly stuck to a marshmallow).

Friend One: yeah LOLL I felt so .. inferior compared to your writing. xD But I was so hoping to rp with you like oh god

Friend Two: same

So, yeah. that was kind of a pick-me-up.

And that's about all that's been happening right now.

Oh, wait, there was something else:

Section Four: NaNoWriMo

As in, 'I'm working as a free agent now, Scott. Can't abide by the larger wolf's laws so it only makes sense to leave the pack.'
...
I'm not doing NaNo officially anymore, is what that means. The OLL has just gotten... I don't really know if I can explain it - I just feel like they've gotten too far from the roots of the project and I don't really want to be a part of it anymore. I'll be over at WriYe, keeping track of things that way.

But ignoring all that, it's been pretty quiet. I think I'll spend some time before the first of the year going through the manga and picking an outfit for Dee and Diana and then I can jump into searching for things after the first.

I'm rambling. Stuff if going on. I have books to write and a company to build and a friend to meet in 2014 and wow, life. This was an awful post but I got my basic points across and I'm not going to go back and try to fix it now because my laptop battery is almost dead SO... yeah. I'll be back with a little more cohesion pretty soon to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and all that but for now, enjoy my rambling.

*waves* *crawls under a fuzzy blanket*

Pictures and Stuff Like That

First off, a new blog theme has been fitted on tumblr:

This new theme features all pages contained in the spinning disk on the sidebar, cleaning up the interface and leaving more room for description and decoration. The colour scheme is black, purple, white, and blue and the background is an image of New York City, featuring a quote from Gottfried Leibniz on the right-hand side.

This new theme is expected to last well into 2014.

And now, a look at the academic calendar:

Stress is expected and participants in all academic activities are reminded to take frequent breaks for video games and social media. *shuffles papers* Oh. It seems that two classes have been added to the three seen here - Algebra and an Introduction to World Languages. In the interest of saving both trees and money, neither of these classes require textbooks.

In addition to their standard academic studies of mind control and medical care, students will also be learning about microbes this year. Each student will get to take home and look after cute, fuzzy giant microbes just like this guy:

Mortimer the Mad Cow Microbe. Bovine spongiform encephalopathy never looked so cute~

And now, traffic:

The world is quiet. Darkness floods the streets in slow motion, bleeding out from the evening's long shadows. The stars hang low in their black velvet ocean.

The car's tires squeal as it rounds the corner, losing traction and sliding.

"Stop the car!" the woman screams. "Stop the car!"

The man doesn't listen. He stands on the accelerator.

The car runs onto the grass and stops, scraping the retaining wall and resting, wedged onto the neighbourhood's water main. The man runs down a long hill. And the woman runs down a dark street. And the neighbours, having heard the crash, pull on their shoes and take the steps down to the night-flooded street at a jog.

The car's lights are flashing but there is no horn, no water hissing, no sound but the concerned murmurs and calls of the neighbours, fading in the still, slightly sticky air left over after a warm day.

The woman is found. She is bleeding but fixable. She is walking and speaking and the police arrive and she walks and speaks with them. I walk and speak with my neighbours, on the night-flooded street, while the stars hang low in their black velvet ocean.

This has been - traffic.*

And now, the weather.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wonderful news, Writerland.

I am, of course, very aware of the date today. While I refuse to completely ignore the significance of the eleventh of September in American history, I feel that I am not qualified (or possibly not eloquent enough) to speak on it at length. Or at all, to be perfectly honest.

On quite a different note, I feel I have to share that today is the one month anniversary of my friendship-marriage to my darling Ryo - a very wonderful friend of mine. I really couldn't ask for a better friend than her and I am so glad that she stumbled across an old post of mine and sent me a message. It's likely that we never would have started talking without that. And I really can't express how saddened I am at that thought.

We'll meet for the first time AFK* at DashCon in 2014 and it would be impossible to explain how much I'm looking forward to it.

Now, Writerland, as the sun rises and day begins for many of you, I leave you with this, one of my favourite quotations:

"...A little acid, sharpness or bitterness is often more pleasing than sugar; shadows enhance colours; and even a dissonance in the right place gives relief to harmony."

Do not fear the darkness; it resides within each of us. Do not fear the pain of living; it is pain that reminds us that we live. Embrace all that life has for you, be it good, bad, or simply the cold gnawing of utter apathy. Know that you feel because you live. And you live because your existence matters. This world - this lovely, broken mess of a world - would not be the same without you.

Goodnight, Writerland. Goodnight.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* This actually happened. Some idiot wrecked at the end of the block and then bailed from the car - I just Night Vale'd the report up a little.
** Away From Keyboard

Things.

And things.

Okay.

Section One: AugNoWriMo

AugNoWriMo. Is a thing. Which I am doing. This thing. It's a fun thing. It's a thing that you should do, too. Next year. Or this year. Soon. And then forever. Never stop writing.

Section Two: DashCon/Cosplay

Okay, I don't know what happened with Section One but it's typed out now and I'm not changing it.

So...

I'm thinking about my cosplay list for DashCon. I mean, I'm getting Ryo into different fandoms so I wonder if we'll wind up messing with the line up a little. Right now I'm going as Dee Laytner (the first day), fem!Dee (the second day), and Drake (the last day). I want to keep Dee in my line up, whatever else I might do but I kind of want to throw Touko Fukawa from 'Dangan Ronpa' and/or Cecil from 'Welcome to Night Vale' in there somewhere. 'Course, I'll be at Dash Prom in Cecil cosplay anyway... I don't know, I'm just rambling.

Section Three: There is no Section Three. There never was a Section Three. Move along.

That's about the extent of it. Oh, and I watched 'Don't Hug Me I'm Scared' a while ago. Weird video. Really interesting if you think about the deeper meaning but still really weird.

So, yeah. I'm alive, I'm just trying to get back into writing and I kind of suck at updating things.

I am not dead.

I am, however, very tired. I'm pretty sure that my legs and back will not like me by morning. BUT. That's kind of okay because all of the stuff is out of the rental and in the new house and I am so done (like 5000% done) with moving for a good long while now.

Also, I've had an idea for a friendship basket.

Basically, the deal is that a friend of mine and I will make up these small-to-medium sized baskets full of things that we love but are okay parting with (like copies of things we really like and/or things that we've made just for the basket) and then switch them at DashCon. That way, we have a reminder of the trip and we get to know each other a little better through what we filled the baskets with.

I love the idea, really, and I've been working on a list.

• A small book/binder of ramblings/letters/photos/drawings/etc.
• A mixtape/mixCD (are those even cute anymore?)
• 2 scarves (one green and black, one pink and white – need softer yarn for these)
• One Tiger/Bunny plush (they can’t be that hard to make)
• One plush moose (with tag reading 'I moose you')
• One ‘Welcome to Night Vale’ painting on small-to-medium canvas (Welcome to Night Vale)
• One ‘Heart’ painting on small-to-medium canvas (anatomically correct/paint or ink and coloured pencils) - (Depraved Heart Murder at Sanatorium Square)
• Maybe a couple/three duct tape flowers/pens
• Writing! You’re a writer – there should be writing of some kind.

The small book/binder is going to be an on-going thing for the next (almost) year, the mixtape will take a little bit to figure out (since I want to splice in some Night Vale stuff), the scarves are pretty simple to make and the Tiger/Bunny (and the moose) plush shouldn't be too much of a hassle. The paintings, I'm looking forward to even though they'll probably cause me a little trouble before I get them to a point where I'm happy with them. I am prepared for this. Duct tape is a speciality of mine so the flowers aren't a big deal. And the writing... well, I have one story almost done already so... yeah.

That's just a first-draft list but I can't see things changing too much. I like it as is ^^

But yeah, that's about where I am. Awake, writing, planning, wanting to organise things but the paint isn't done yet so I kind of can't - at least not completely. But things are getting done and my room is really cosy so yay~

I appear to have straight A's again and that's nice. Oh, and my grandparents were up to visit for a few days (before turning around and driving two-or-three days back to rest and pack up a moving truck) and it was just so nice to see them again.

And, yeah, this has gotten pretty rambly but I wanted you all to know that I'm all right - it's just that a lot has been going on lately. So... bye for now, everyone, and I will try not to let this blog just sit for so long in the future.

[INTERNALLY SCREAMING]

DashCon, people!

ASDFGHJKL;