Ignore This

For the record, large and uncaring universe, I am torn between simply saying 'No, okay? I'm putting my foot down. I refuse to waste another minute going along learning something I despise and ultimately have no use for just a degree I barely want.' and just keeping my head down and wrecking my sleep schedule to study because it does not matter if I'm tired or if I get sick from it - I'm not allowed to fail. I refuse to allow myself to fail.

And those two sides are at each other's throats right now and, honestly? I don't know what to do so I'm just sitting in the dark and... thinking right now. I need to write. I can't leave my emotions where they are - that never ends well.

So. A couple quarters of drug-out hell or an intense period of feeling like an utter disappointment - like someone who's too unstable and flighty even to handle a college class?

Thoughts?