I don't feel like I've had a break in a month.

I think that's a large part of why I feel so anxious (and sick and shaky and I can't sleep and when I do I have nightmares and I haven't wanted to eat in about three days). I'm also having a lot of trouble focusing on homework and, weirdly enough, this really started after I watched a couple videos of people playing Polybius. Guess what I won't be doing again.

I've been staying up too late as a result of all of it. I've also been researching MK ULTRA - you know, the whole CIA thing? It's really very interesting. I'm not sure how much of the more modern theories I can get behind but they're still interesting.

I've dimmed my brightness on this computer screen way down and that's helping the headache a little. Not a lot, but a little.

I've started working on my site again. It's not much but it will showcase my writing and help get the company off the ground (hopefully). I'll have to replace the first six chapters of something with the edited versions but that doesn't take too long. I was hoping to have those edits done by Friday but I kind of doubt that's going to happen, so I'm just shooting for 'as soon as is reasonably possible'. That's about all you'll be getting from me for a little while, I'm afraid.

Um...

My scaffold is doing okay. The front... hole (giggity) on the outside is still a little hurty when I clean it but the rest of them don't bother me at all.

Oh, and today in Psych, we were talking about echoic memory (and the fact that what someone says is stored from 3 to 4 seconds in your brain's 'echo chamber' - that's why you can usually repeat it back to them right after they say it but if you wait too long, it disappears) and one of the examples we gave (they had us in groups) was a small child repeating everything his mother said. One day she gave him the 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood' rhyme, and I was the only one who knew the rest of it (A woodchuck would chuck all the wood he could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood). So that was pointless but it made me feel better.

I remember saying 'That's been in my head for years - I knew it would come in handy one day' and the girl in the group laughed (kinda loudly, too. ... She was kind of cute. Anyway...)

I have one essay for English that I haven't even read yet. That alone should tell you how bad this has been. The fact that I felt like that almost first-draft paper was the best I do - all I could handle right now - should be another red flag. I'm going to give that a little while and wait until I feel like I can work on it without feeling like I want to vomit.

So, yeah. I haven't been feeling well lately is... is, I guess the - the main bullet point of this little presentation.

But that seems to be... well, evening out a little. I have a headache but for right now, that's about all I can really, deeply complain about. Still, I'm seeing several days like this in my future. So that's fun.

Anyway... this was kind of rambling and the TL;DR version is: I'm feeling a little unstable and insane lately. I can't focus, I don't sleep well, I don't want to eat. I want to write but I feel so... off that I can barely do that. Things hurt. Things hurt and I'm tired a lot.

So. I think I'm going to post this and then be quiet for a while. Maybe try to get a few sentences down, listen to my music, and try to sleep.

I hope you're all doing well, and I'll see you later.