I used to give a damn about things.

I don't honestly know what happened.

I haven't even been able to write in over a week. I don't sleep well - when I do manage to fall asleep, I have nightmares or I keep waking up. I try to get through assignments without actually doing most of the work because, hey, the education system is crap and the world's going to hell anyway so what's the point?

And here's the thing: I don't want to be like this. But I have no idea how to stop. Half the time I don't even realise I'm doing this until way later.

My nails are a wreck too, now. I was doing so well with that.

I have all these ideas but... why? That's the biggest hurdle right now. I just have to try to get over the fact that I don't care and work.

At least the really hasn't started showing in my grades. I'm not sure I could handle that. I've always been the smart kid, you know?

Anyway.

I'm just glad that for right now, late on a Friday/early on a Saturday, there is nothing that I actually have to do. There are things I can do (like take down my notes/watch the lecture for Psych, post to the discussion forums for English), but nothing that has to be done right this second. So. I think I'm going to go to sleep soon and just try not to stress so much.

I have Psych, a little bit to do for Maths, some English (discussion groups and an essay to revise (and another one to do) and one to read), but that's it. That really won't take that long and then, hopefully, I can write for a while. I haven't been writing much lately.

There wasn't a WriYe blog post for April but the one for May is up on the site so I'll try to get it posted over the weekend.

I think a lot of my problem is just that I've lost my passion. For everything. If I can get back into writing like I want to, throwing myself headlong into imagined worlds, I might be a lot better off in the long run. I have a novella that's in its last edit and that's making me nervous. I might have a link for you guys soon. *panics*

But not right yet. Now we sleep and try not to panic over pointless things. You just worry about you and stop trying to get everything done right now. You have time. You have a lot of time. Calm down. Watch your shows. Keep up. Do well. Don't stress so much.

. . .

I'll see you all soon.