School is an interesting place.

I was called 'chic'.

That really made me happy for some reason. 

There are a total of three people I've actually talked to so far in school. One older man, one older woman, and one younger woman. YW is really nice - she's the one who complimented me - and we started talking in the computer lab. (I didn't realise how good I was with computers compared to a lot of people. That's both sad and kind of a pick-me-up.) OM and OW were there too so it was kind of fun to talk.

We got to talking about what our school mascot actually was. (Choker - in the logging industry, a choker is one who runs the chains or cables around the logs for removal from the area.)

I'm in an area where logging is a major thing. Like, logging trucks are a common sight up here.

Anywho, I got in really early and found the room I was supposed to be in. That meant I was waiting in the hall for about a half hour. And then I hear this squeaking sound coming up the hall. Turns out it's OM and you know what he says?

'I'll never be a bank robber in these shoes.'

First words out of his mouth.

So, all in all, it was a pretty good day. I met my English teacher and he seems to be okay. Apparently, the English 101 class is what they call a 'hybrid class'. Basically, all it means is that it's both on campus and online. So that's fun. The system seems pretty simple to work.

Also, on an unrelated note, I found this video and I strongly urge you to watch it. The wealth distribution in the US is, in fact, such a joke that it makes me a little sick.

Anyway.

The 23rd of April is 'Impossible Astronaut Day'. Draw tally marks on your hand to let the world know you're a Whovian! ^^

For now, I think I'm going to go get something to eat and then try to make a plan. I have a lot that I want to do and get back into doing so I should probably be trying to schedule that out a little bit.

Bye for now, guys. Wish me luck?

Well, school's coming on...

No, really. I feel awful.

All right, that's kind of a lie. I do feel bad today but I think that's lack of food and not having a book I really want to read and not being able to focus enough to work and just generally being stressed.

Tomorrow and the next day will be spent at this kind of new student orientation thing, so that'll be fun. I just hope the people I meet won't be complete tools. I mean, I know there's some in every crowd but as long as I don't have to deal with them, I think we'll all be a lot happier.

What else?

I had a marathon of all thirteen episodes of K (I've also seen it as 'Project K' or 'K Project'). Actually pretty solid. I wasn't sure what to expect going in but I actually liked it. Being as compressed as it was (most series are around 24-26 episodes per season), there was a lot of the world that was left unexplored but apparently a second season was confirmed so that should hopefully remedy a little of that.

Psycho Pass ended. I drowned in feels because it's amazing. And now we're here.

The first two years of school will basically be maths, English, whatever else they consider the 'core classes' now, and whatever electives I take. This time round, it's Psych.

We talk about student activities on Wednesday. I wonder if there's anything really interesting I could get involved with.

. . .

You guys know how, on Six Feet Under, Nathan runs to Seattle to get away from the business? I kind of feel like I've been doing that on a much smaller scale. I've jumped potential jobs so many times in the past few months. But I've got it now. I want to be a mortician.

No, it's not easy. Yes, it's a weird job.

I am fully expecting to be sick and crying at home for a while going in. But that's just it. Most people would probably leave hearing that because why would you want to do something like that? The only thing I can say to that is 'Because it matters'. I'm a morbid kid. This is the business I've chosen.

And if you're anything like me and you're still in school, I've found a message that I listen to a lot:

(Also, check out the rest of her videos. She has a lot of good information and she's charming.)

And of course, you can always talk to me! (I'm not sure how much help I'll be at this point but that's a long-standing offer.)

Anyway. Maybe getting this all out will free me up a little to get my projects done. I just haven't been able to sit down and write for a while. I guess it was all the stress of the move and school and trying to figure out what I really wanted to do deep down. Honestly, I picked computer science because it was less of a hassle for my mum. Sweet thought, but not healthy since it never really felt like the right thing, you know?

That's not to say that computer science isn't interesting. It's still an interest of mine, just like psychology and law and all manner of creative endeavours. And of course, I'll never stop writing.

It's all a matter of willpower and prioritising - two things I suck at.

But it will get better. Because it will have to. Because I have school. So.

That was about all I had to say right now. There's a mortuary school in nearby to where we are now so that's good at least. It's a much smaller move and it won't be for a little while because money.

Also, and I hate to even say this but, I might have to have some of my tattoos removed. It's just the ones on my hands (one rose and one bat) but still, I like them - I don't want to have them go away. It's a lot of money and a lot of pain and I think I'm serious enough about this that I'm considering it which scares the hell out of me.

You know, I remember walking into a science class in school one day and thinking the formaldehyde smelled good.

*sighs* Okay, this was rambling and not much got done. (Mum and I talked and I cried because I like my ink but that was about all.) I think I'm going to go maybe write and organise and look around to see if I can't dig up any leads on intern-ships I could snap up late this year/early next.

Wish me luck and love, everyone~ I'll try to keep you updated better in the future.

Bye, LJ

It really wasn't anything personal - I just had way too much stuff going on.

This, my fine furry friends, is what you might call a FILDI* moment. I've been having a lot of those lately - such as when I took a phone call or, in a calmer way, my lack of jangling nerves over going to set up my school schedule tomorrow... later today. I'm not anxious, I'm just wide awake for some reason!

No, but LiveJournal's gone. I might come back with a different username later but for right now it was just something I was kind of forcing myself to keep up with and that's not good for anyone.

Hang on, random thought!

*checks into it*

And the answer is positive! W00t!

. . .

I have some stuff going on. Big stuff.

But for now, since I can't sleep, I'm cleaning things up.

I'm supposed to be asleep because I have to meet with my advisor at three in the afternoon for all this happy start-up crap and figuring out my class schedule. I think six classes and hoping to maybe get a business off the ground should keep me busy, right?

I hope so.

Anyway, it's late, I'm wired, all I want to do is everything and I have no idea how I'm going to feel in the morning.

But you know what?

I'm not worrying about it. I'm just not. I'm happy and I can function on very little sleep if need be. It's not like I have to take the placement test again - if that were the case, I would have probably taken something an hour ago.

So. I'm going to wait until I feel like I want to curl up and hopefully that will be some time before the sun rises. I think I'll just read until then. Reading's quiet.

Bye for now, everyone. Bye for now.

(*It stands for 'Fuck It, Let's Do It', which is my thought process before making most major decisions anymore.)

I feel strange in this area of the country.

That isn't a bad thing at all - I just feel different.

I want to do things.
I get annoyed easier but it also fades out quicker.
My tastes have changed.

Things are just different.

I'm not really sure how to explain it but... well... since I've been up here, I've lost a lot of that strange sense of anxiety when I'm in public. I've noticed that if I just calm down and observe, I'm much less apt to feel that way.

I've also noticed something.

I have no follow through.

I say that it would be interesting to learn or do something, I might get a little into it but then I tend to drop it like a hot rock. Now. How do I fix it?

*shrug*

I have no idea. And therein lies the problem.

But, for now, I think I'm going to focus on getting my space in order. I have a desk to put together, books to read, as well as finally getting a place to store my clothes so they don't wrinkle, not to mention the fact that school is getting closer and I'll need books, and then there's the Timberland Winter Lecture Series at the library and oh, dear God, I'm Frasier Crane!

All that aside, things are better up here, I think.

(Off-screen: Yes, yes, thank you for your input. ...Yeah, all right, no, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to block you - you're pissing me off. *clicks 'ignore'* Where was I?)

So, since this was somewhat pointless, I'll try to make up for it with a more purpose-driven post... sometime in the future. For right now, I think I might curl up and write or read or do something quiet. That sounds like a good plan.

Bye for now, guys. I'll see you all... probably when I start spazzing about school.

WriYe Part Three: Getting Things Done

Pre-Editing (aka Finishing)
We all know that March is NaNoEdMo, but there's an important step that must be done before reaching for your editing goals: finishing that novel. How hard is it for you to finish a novel? Does it leave you with a sense of closure or a yearning for more? Do you finish as many novels as you start?

This has been a thorn in my side for quite a while, to be fair. Ideas are not the issue, finishing the ideas is.

In fact, I'm not sure there's a single thing on my list that is truly, completely done.

And in a way, that's depressing.

I think it's so difficult for me to get a novel done because I have this fear of... well, everything, to some degree. On top of all that, I'm never sure if I've told it well enough. I suppose you never really will be, though. There's also the fact that I, for one, cannot stand sleep.

That might seem like a pointless little thing to know about me but it all ties in quite nicely. I don't like the idea of settling in and saying 'I'm done for the day'. It bothers me. And, much like sleeping myself, I can't seem to put a story to bed either.

Did I beat you over the head enough with that metaphor?

What it all boils down to is that it's neigh unto impossible for me to get things done. It always has been. My consistency is awful in terms of how often I really sit down and work and generally when I have the time, I don't have the energy.

That really leads into the second question, though. Having anything done will give me one of two thoughts: 1) I'm sorry it's over but that was perfect. Or 2) That was all? But there's so much more you could have done with this - so many unexplored avenues and themes. Why?

That might be a part of it too. I always feel like I'm thinking too linearly and missing too much.

Do I finish as many novels as I start?

No, obviously. Although, I'm not sure anyone has ever really finished all of the books they've started, at least not as the original idea. Thoughts change, loyalties shift, and books inevitably change as we do. That's a large part of the charm.

I'd say the takeaway from this would be that the end should not be the point of the journey. Obviously do try to get your work done and out there if that's what you aim for - but don't base so much of your success on how many titles you have under your belt.

Rather, how many lessons have you learned?

Moving sucks.

It does. But I'm here now and that's the important thing.

Did you miss me? If you did, I missed you too. If not, well, screw you.

No, really. I'm sorry I just kind of disappeared like that. It was really chaotic for a while there. I have logged a total of ten days where I haven't written anything. That is just sad and I don't really understand how it happened.

Anyway.

I discovered peach Sprite and we have food in the house now. Also, Mum likes Doctor Who. W00t!

I've written just over 20k this month. Wow. I realise that a lot has been going on but... yeah. Anyway.

Moving sucks.

For right now I think I'm just going to calm down and write for a while. I'm thinking of going to college in April or maybe in June. I'm insanely nervous because... well, college but I think I'll be fine. I'll need to come up with a more pinned down schedule.

Okay. I have:

- a 'Rabbit Rambles' update to write
- a cyberpunk/crime challenge to finish
- a romance challenge to finish
- a horror challenge to finish
- a first draft to complete
- a story to edit
- a book to read
- a desk to put together
- a show to watch
- another show to watch

So. Yeah.

Those last two aren't quite as important, of course, but still. I think this month will be spent catching up and preparing. That sounds like a better plan than panicking all the time.

I should be back soon with updates and things but for now that's where things are. A giant cluster.

There's also manga to read. Basically, I have too much I want to do and I procrastinate because I'm very aware that, with some things, at least, I'm going to screw up and I hate that thought.

Of course, there's not much I can do about it. I think part of the issue is that we feel that everyone is very aware of the stupid things we've done. Honestly, most people are more concerned with the stupid things that they've done, not the stupid things that you've done.

Once you've got that, there's this odd sense of freedom with comes with the realisation that you don't really matter to most people. That doesn't mean that you're not important - not at all - but it does mean that most people are not as interested in you as you might think they are.

And there's a freedom in that.

Now, with that thought, I think I'll leave and go get some vegetarian chilli and then maybe curl up and write for a while. I hope you all have a wonderful day and I will see you soon.