Once again...

I find myself wondering. It may just be because I just finished Looking for Alaska or it may be because that's just what my mind does at this time of night, but I'm thinking again.

I want to move. And when I move I want to be me wherever I am. Not 'me' like I am now, but really me. I want to be the brave, smart, impulsive, book-loving girl who wears lingerie just because she can and loves colouring books and candy and dances when she's happy and sings too loudly and plays instruments and sews and bakes and writes like her little heart - angel veins and all - will dry up if there isn't something fun or interesting enough to make it beat. I'm tired of my heart just pumping dust.

I would love to be like that. And I wonder if I could - if I'd be brave enough. I can't be sure but I hope so.

That's where my mind is today. And admittedly, that is where it's been for the past several days but hopefully there is a point to this continued train of thought.

I think this will be a short entry since all I really have to say coherently about the whole matter is that I think people come into their own and become themselves the way you fall asleep - slowly and then all at once.