If the last post just showed up, it was a glitch. It was posted on the 26th. I really don't know what happened there. It showed up fine for me. Weird.
Anyway, things have been going okay here. No major issues or anything. My sleep schedule is still weird but it's getting back around to how I want it to be. I've been finding bands off of Jamendo that I adore, so that's awesome, too.
Just not much has been happening lately, I guess. I know I'll spazz all over the place once September starts since 50k will feel like nothing after this.
Things feel a little weird today. A little closed off and bunched up, I guess. I wonder if taking a shower tonight would help? #pointlessmusing
30.8.11
26.8.11
Well, I feel awful.
And I'm not sure why. I was sitting out at the kitchen table for a while but I can back into my room after about an hour or so. I feel a little better in here, at least.
AugNo story is sent to 'beta reader roommate' and I'm just hoping it's fixable right now and that I don't suck as bad as I think I do. (I'm not good with the whole self-esteem thing right now.) Aside from that not much has happened. I want to start with short stories a little more aggressively and I have a list of horror and sci-fi mags that I can send to.
Things just feel weird for me today. I think I just need to curl up in the dark and write for a while. I have too many ideas in my head most of the time... At least Camp NaNo is at about 40k. That helps a little ^^
I'll try and update this again when I'm a little less 'I hate you go die' about things. Thankfully, these moods don't seem to last too long, overall.
AugNo story is sent to 'beta reader roommate' and I'm just hoping it's fixable right now and that I don't suck as bad as I think I do. (I'm not good with the whole self-esteem thing right now.) Aside from that not much has happened. I want to start with short stories a little more aggressively and I have a list of horror and sci-fi mags that I can send to.
Things just feel weird for me today. I think I just need to curl up in the dark and write for a while. I have too many ideas in my head most of the time... At least Camp NaNo is at about 40k. That helps a little ^^
I'll try and update this again when I'm a little less 'I hate you go die' about things. Thankfully, these moods don't seem to last too long, overall.
21.8.11
To Whom it May Concern,
if I drop off the internet for a while, there's a good reason this time.
Grandparents just took Sick Kitty to the vet. I don't expect her back. I snapped at my roommate for crying (well, for apologising for 'bothering me' with her crying) and now I feel sick. It's not like it doesn't hurt. It hurts like Hell. I just get sick of crying like a little girl. But that's probably not healthy. I guess I'm just trying to block everything out again. I don't know. My mind is an odd place for a lot of reasons.
I'll come back once things have settled down a little.
Grandparents just took Sick Kitty to the vet. I don't expect her back. I snapped at my roommate for crying (well, for apologising for 'bothering me' with her crying) and now I feel sick. It's not like it doesn't hurt. It hurts like Hell. I just get sick of crying like a little girl. But that's probably not healthy. I guess I'm just trying to block everything out again. I don't know. My mind is an odd place for a lot of reasons.
I'll come back once things have settled down a little.
19.8.11
Hello again...
and I do apologise for disappearing like that.
Things seem to be going well and I'm just constantly on edge right now because of that. I don't want it to go away, you know? My sleep schedule should probably be dragging me out and making me really tired but it's not. I actually feel a little better.
Karen (friend of mine) has kind of disappeared off the face of the internet map but that happens to her when something good happens too, so I'm not that worried. She just can't seem to keep things up to date... Poor thing.
Otherwise, things are going decently. I'm a little tired but a part of me wants to go get lunch at the little coffee shop we go to sometimes. Not sure what I'll do just yet. I keep thinking about the coleslaw wraps they have but I'm just so lazy. :/ AugNo anthology story has the first draft down, so that's awesome. Only now I have to edit. Blegh.
What else? Oh yeah, I only have three more doughnuts to make (in the first colour). I'm disproportionately happy about that. ^^ Aside from simple things (like changing my window glass colour to red, making my room look like a post-apocalyptic wasteland just by closing the (red) curtains and having a really awesome (destroyed city) desktop background) nothing much is going on.
So, yeah. I will now return to writing down whatever pops into my head in an effort to boost my word count. Bai-bai~
Things seem to be going well and I'm just constantly on edge right now because of that. I don't want it to go away, you know? My sleep schedule should probably be dragging me out and making me really tired but it's not. I actually feel a little better.
Karen (friend of mine) has kind of disappeared off the face of the internet map but that happens to her when something good happens too, so I'm not that worried. She just can't seem to keep things up to date... Poor thing.
Otherwise, things are going decently. I'm a little tired but a part of me wants to go get lunch at the little coffee shop we go to sometimes. Not sure what I'll do just yet. I keep thinking about the coleslaw wraps they have but I'm just so lazy. :/ AugNo anthology story has the first draft down, so that's awesome. Only now I have to edit. Blegh.
What else? Oh yeah, I only have three more doughnuts to make (in the first colour). I'm disproportionately happy about that. ^^ Aside from simple things (like changing my window glass colour to red, making my room look like a post-apocalyptic wasteland just by closing the (red) curtains and having a really awesome (destroyed city) desktop background) nothing much is going on.
So, yeah. I will now return to writing down whatever pops into my head in an effort to boost my word count. Bai-bai~
15.8.11
In the interest of undoing damage...
sounds like a chapter title. But it isn't. At least not yet. It could be.
But really this is to just kind of clear things up. That last post was written from a very dark place in my mind. That's the part I try to shut out as much as I can. I'm not usually so depressed as all that. In fact things feel a little better today. (Well, not physically since my shoulders are in knots and I have a headache but emotionally...)
I don't want anyone to worry about me over this, all right? I'm okay, I promise ^^ I have peanut butter and jelly crackers - how can I be sad? ^^
Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled blog.
I'm on a site called 750words. It is awesome. This is fact. :| No, but it's pretty cool. The goal is to write 750 words every day. It can be on anything. It can be a section of a story, it can be a journal, whatever you want as long as you write. Once you write for long enough, you can get to all kinds of stats on how you did and what your average moods are (I think it goes by key words or something like that). Thanks to it, I know I type around 35 words a minute 8D
My craft stuff is coming along. I can make quite a few doughnuts at once if I'm really focused on it. I'll have to check how much yarn I have though since I've gone through a skein already.
The writing's actually going a lot better now. I'm staying on pace and hence not panicking nearly as much as I used to. Since I've been playing around with Minecraft classic (which is a total time-suck, I promise you), I actually feel a little better about the worlds I'm writing for. I feel like I can see them much more clearly if I have some kind of mock-up to look over and wander through.
I'm at almost 50k total this month. *half-way point party*
And what else? Nothing? Oh... well, then. I will see you all a little later then and I hope you have a wonderful day.
But really this is to just kind of clear things up. That last post was written from a very dark place in my mind. That's the part I try to shut out as much as I can. I'm not usually so depressed as all that. In fact things feel a little better today. (Well, not physically since my shoulders are in knots and I have a headache but emotionally...)
I don't want anyone to worry about me over this, all right? I'm okay, I promise ^^ I have peanut butter and jelly crackers - how can I be sad? ^^
Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled blog.
I'm on a site called 750words. It is awesome. This is fact. :| No, but it's pretty cool. The goal is to write 750 words every day. It can be on anything. It can be a section of a story, it can be a journal, whatever you want as long as you write. Once you write for long enough, you can get to all kinds of stats on how you did and what your average moods are (I think it goes by key words or something like that). Thanks to it, I know I type around 35 words a minute 8D
My craft stuff is coming along. I can make quite a few doughnuts at once if I'm really focused on it. I'll have to check how much yarn I have though since I've gone through a skein already.
The writing's actually going a lot better now. I'm staying on pace and hence not panicking nearly as much as I used to. Since I've been playing around with Minecraft classic (which is a total time-suck, I promise you), I actually feel a little better about the worlds I'm writing for. I feel like I can see them much more clearly if I have some kind of mock-up to look over and wander through.
I'm at almost 50k total this month. *half-way point party*
And what else? Nothing? Oh... well, then. I will see you all a little later then and I hope you have a wonderful day.
14.8.11
WHARGARBL!!
Yes. That's about what it's been like the past few days.
I've mainly been in a state of 'Everyone! I just... I hate everyone!' for the past few days. I'm not sure where it came from but I really wish it would leave. My sleep schedule is completely effed up and I'm actually thinking of going back to bed. (The problem with that? It's not even freaking noon!) On the upside (I guess) it is making me work on my craft stuff a little more. I have 26 crochet doughnuts sitting on my desk waiting for icing right now. My writing's staying basically on track too.
It's annoying that these moods of total abject piss-off tend to spark my brain in a lot of ways. They make me feel awful otherwise so it's actually not much of a trade off, I don't think. It's not that I don't want to be creative. I love being creative. It's just that I wish I didn't have to be so angry to really tap into it.
Internally, I've basically been like this for the last few days: Seems this is how it feels to be creative. But I hate how this feels. I hate not being able to sleep. I hate panicking. I hate crying. I hate getting close to people... and I hate feeling alone. So a part of me doesn't want this anymore. But I hate that at the same time. It's all such a mess! I don't want to be 'normal'. I don't want the part of me that's 'me' in that sense to just disappear like that. So I don't want to acknowledge it. If I don't then it never has the chance to leave. It will never have the chance to grow and change and learn to fly. If it doesn't learn, then it can never leave me. I'm terrified of that. I'm terrified of not remembering what I used to be able to do. But that just makes me miserable. And when I'm miserable, I don't connect because I know that connection gets severed the second I'm not 'normal'. So I want to stay away from everyone. But I hate that at the same time. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be alone! I don't want to be alone!
And that was basically my thought process last night when I couldn't sleep. So it's been a long couple of days. I know deep down that things will get better. It's just kind of hard to see how right now.
*hug?* <3
I've mainly been in a state of 'Everyone! I just... I hate everyone!' for the past few days. I'm not sure where it came from but I really wish it would leave. My sleep schedule is completely effed up and I'm actually thinking of going back to bed. (The problem with that? It's not even freaking noon!) On the upside (I guess) it is making me work on my craft stuff a little more. I have 26 crochet doughnuts sitting on my desk waiting for icing right now. My writing's staying basically on track too.
It's annoying that these moods of total abject piss-off tend to spark my brain in a lot of ways. They make me feel awful otherwise so it's actually not much of a trade off, I don't think. It's not that I don't want to be creative. I love being creative. It's just that I wish I didn't have to be so angry to really tap into it.
Internally, I've basically been like this for the last few days: Seems this is how it feels to be creative. But I hate how this feels. I hate not being able to sleep. I hate panicking. I hate crying. I hate getting close to people... and I hate feeling alone. So a part of me doesn't want this anymore. But I hate that at the same time. It's all such a mess! I don't want to be 'normal'. I don't want the part of me that's 'me' in that sense to just disappear like that. So I don't want to acknowledge it. If I don't then it never has the chance to leave. It will never have the chance to grow and change and learn to fly. If it doesn't learn, then it can never leave me. I'm terrified of that. I'm terrified of not remembering what I used to be able to do. But that just makes me miserable. And when I'm miserable, I don't connect because I know that connection gets severed the second I'm not 'normal'. So I want to stay away from everyone. But I hate that at the same time. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be alone! I don't want to be alone!
And that was basically my thought process last night when I couldn't sleep. So it's been a long couple of days. I know deep down that things will get better. It's just kind of hard to see how right now.
*hug?* <3
10.8.11
Hey, look, I'm not dead!
I'm sorry guys, I totally forgot I was even on-line for a little while. ^^;
It's just one of those days where you just want to punch someone repeatedly in the face and then set their car on fire. It's no one in particular and everyone in general, you know?
Watching roommate eat a Lemon Head. She'd never eaten one before. I feel kind of bad but lol, still XD I ate one and it sparked an idea for a later scene in one of the books so that's awesome. (Oh, the power of candy. It is both great and fearsome in the world of writers. I mean, what?)
I try to have something to say in these things but I've been so busy lately that I don't really have anything. Just that I'm still alive, getting distracted by Minecraft and still a little behind on... well, everything at the moment. So, I'm going to go back to typing and hopefully get a little closer to where I need to be.
My mind just will not stay put so I'm project-hopping a lot this month. (3 short stories, 2 main novels, worldbuilding for another series and all the stuff for the festival in town.) Hopefully that won't come back to bite me...
It's just one of those days where you just want to punch someone repeatedly in the face and then set their car on fire. It's no one in particular and everyone in general, you know?
Watching roommate eat a Lemon Head. She'd never eaten one before. I feel kind of bad but lol, still XD I ate one and it sparked an idea for a later scene in one of the books so that's awesome. (Oh, the power of candy. It is both great and fearsome in the world of writers. I mean, what?)
I try to have something to say in these things but I've been so busy lately that I don't really have anything. Just that I'm still alive, getting distracted by Minecraft and still a little behind on... well, everything at the moment. So, I'm going to go back to typing and hopefully get a little closer to where I need to be.
My mind just will not stay put so I'm project-hopping a lot this month. (3 short stories, 2 main novels, worldbuilding for another series and all the stuff for the festival in town.) Hopefully that won't come back to bite me...
2.8.11
The update hub
It's day two of AugNoWriMo. I managed to snag the sixth spot on the main list for Milestone this year. Now I just have to stay on the list. ^^ I'm going back and forth between two stories I want to write for it though.
I am...way behind. But I can fix it. And I will. Because I keep writing in short sentences. (Really, I'm about 5k behind where I want to be. Ack.)
Other than that, not much has been going on. Karen's creeping me out but that's not really anything new. I know for a fact that her camera is fine. Those pictures were clear as they always were. I'm pretty sure she'll get tired of messing with me and move on to something else within the next few days though so I'm not too worried. She gets distracted pretty easily.
Anyway, I went and had lunch a little while ago and now I'm all full and happy ^^ so I need to get back to work (also I mistyped 'little' as 'lirrtle' the first time and am still laughing.) So, anyway....onward to mediocrity! (And I want a Memo Panda - a small sticky-note dispenser in the shape of a panda bear. Too bad they don't exist.)
I am...way behind. But I can fix it. And I will. Because I keep writing in short sentences. (Really, I'm about 5k behind where I want to be. Ack.)
Other than that, not much has been going on. Karen's creeping me out but that's not really anything new. I know for a fact that her camera is fine. Those pictures were clear as they always were. I'm pretty sure she'll get tired of messing with me and move on to something else within the next few days though so I'm not too worried. She gets distracted pretty easily.
Anyway, I went and had lunch a little while ago and now I'm all full and happy ^^ so I need to get back to work (also I mistyped 'little' as 'lirrtle' the first time and am still laughing.) So, anyway....onward to mediocrity! (And I want a Memo Panda - a small sticky-note dispenser in the shape of a panda bear. Too bad they don't exist.)
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