BUT. It's still an issue for me. It's like watching my life through a fog... like how you feel when you're watching a movie. You might feel for the people in it, even very strongly, but it doesn't last in quite the same way. You have to actively think about it to feel that way again - it's usually not in your head as a conscious memory like it would be if you'd actually experienced or witnessed it first hand.
So...
I'm on 'meds' for that.
And I say 'meds' with the quotation marks because I'm running an experiment.
See, the placebo effect is actually very strong, even when the person in question is well aware that they're being given a sugar pill. (There have been several studies done about this, actually.) So, it would stand to reason that (within reason, of course), if you give someone a medication, or anything, that they expect to work - it will work.
Given that, I'm running a little experiment: I've taken a few little hard plastic bottles, like the one shown below, washed them out really well, and filled them with different colours of tic-tacs - light green, light blue, and white. (They look a little like the pill bottles used in a story of mine so that's cool too.)
These are my 'meds'.
"If you ever get into trouble, Agent..."
I stitched together some names I thought sounded realistic enough, pulled some mg values and side-effects off of a few sites, mentally wrote up what they were and why, and tried them out today.
It worked so well that I'm actually optimistic. I literally cannot remember the last time I felt optimistic about something. (Long story short: The mind is an amazing thing, yo.)
Zyperidone (anti-dissociative - pictured) Once Daily/250mg
- Zyperidone was originally conceived as a general hard anti-psychotic, however once it was shown to increase retained memory, improve focus, and strengthen neural pathways in the brain, it was pulled and retooled into what has been called an 'anti-dissociative' medication. Known side-effects are comparatively mild and include muscle and joint aches typically lasting no more than two hours, drowsiness, dizziness, and loss of appetite. In rare cases, Zyperidone can cause tremors and trouble balancing but the risk is small.
Distralimine (anti-depressant) Once Daily/50mg/Dosage can be increased if needed.
- Distralimine is a commonly-found anti-depressant with minimal side-effects including interruptions in sleep schedule for the first two weeks of treatment, mild headache, and muscle weakness which fades with use.
Selazivan (called also: Saradol, Selivan) (anti-anxiety) Once Daily/10mg/Dosage can be increased if needed.
- Selazivan (more commonly known as Saradol or Selivan) is a mid-grade anti-anxiety medication with minimal side-effects which include sleep disruptions for the first month of treatment, numbness or tingling in the hands, blurred vision which clears quickly, and drowsiness.
I do realise that's it's only been a day and all that but just to catch you up to speed: My focus has improved, I'm less anxious overall - hell, I even think it's improving my fiction writing. I just read back through something I'd written a little earlier and it's actually good.
I don't know, man, this might just work out.
When I mentioned what I was going through in the Outlast Skype group chat-thing we do, a friend of mine spent a good five minutes cheering me up with really dumb-ass puns. My friends are the best friends <3
Oh, and I was thanked by my math teacher for taking his class. You're welcome, Over-Worked College Math Teacher. You're welcome.
So that's where that's at. I'll be sure to keep you all up to speed as things go along. For now though, I think I might actually sleep. I have a paper I should work on tomorrow and some math reviews to do so, yeah, sleeping might be a good idea.
Bye for now, everyone. Bye for now~
