I Live!

Things were rough this quarter. Like, stupidly rough. But it's over now and I am very, very glad for that.

I fixed up the blog and I'm debating:

1. Going back to Nano for motivation and stuff (probably will)
2. Putting up a little fan-story collection site (with Weebly, probably - nothing fancy)
3. Maybe working on fan novels as practice
4. and what original stuff I should be offering for free and for how long

So, it's a lower-key, different kind of stress this time. Better. A lot better. This is the kind of stress I can deal with.

That's really all this post was about: I survived the quarter and am not dead. I will be returning to writing shortly and then commence with figuring my life out a little more. I feel like it's probably getting about time for that.

I sort of want to be one of those sort of subversive creativity artists, ya know? The ones who consistently give no fucks about social conventions and do what they want, all the while making people think and learn and grow and explore. I can't say that's a bad goal to have.

Anyway, it's late right now and I should probably get to sleep here pretty soon. I have stories to start and stories to try to finish and none of that is getting done when I'm this tired.

I'm trying to get back into WriYe (because, let's face it, it was great for motivation when I actually kept up with it) so I should be doing a little more once I've sort of... recovered from the mess that this quarter was.

I hope you all have a wonderful day/night/whatever-the-hell-time-it-is-where-you-are and I will hopefully check in again soon.

Creepy Crap and Gay Stuff

Also known as 'Everything I ever write, ever'.

Presented for your consideration:
RP Blog One [Trager]: The 'doctor' is psycho-crazy-bonkers and currently has a sort of serial-killer crush on the reporter (though, I do feel I can blame another Trager-blogger for that one, at least partially).
RP Blog Two [Miles]: Not as active in general (because mental trauma and also because the fandom is just really quiet right now - we're all waiting for the DLC to come out) but I play him as bisexual because why not?
Original Project One: Dystopian world where everyone is happy and healthy. And so the 'rebellious' side of the population often walks headfirst into 'dangerous' books, movies, behaviours, etc. [Creepy.]
Original Project Two: Vampire Sherlock Holmes in New York City. [Creepy and kind of gay]
Original Project Three: Lesbians and Latin. That's... about all that story is. [Hella gay]
Original Project Four: Cyberpunk assassin, psychological manipulation and amnesia barriers based loosely off of MK ULTRA and similar projects, and wars between technologically advanced, augment-producing mega-corporations. [Super creepy and still kind of gay]

So that's apparently where my talent lies: bickering lesbians, snarky gay guys, and an assortment of non-gender-conforming individuals fighting monsters.

Awesome.

Also, stripes everywhere!

I don't know what it means but I have been seeing so many stripes lately, either black and white or black and grey. Maybe it just means that the best things are to be found between the lines - and that I should be writing. Most things mean that I should be writing. Because I should, say it with me: be writing.

You didn't say it with me.

Anyway, I'm doing slightly better in chem, my algebra grade has come up, my Latin grade is still an A, my earth science grade is an A, and Phys Ed is freaking easy so, yeah, passing that too. The quarter could have been worse, I'm sure. And I only have about two full weeks left. Joy~!

I do seriously need to start writing again. It's starting to bother be that I haven't even finished a fan-fic in a while (and those don't usually take me long at all). Huh. I should fix that. Maybe it'll get me back into writing things again.

In the meantime, I hope you all have a nice day/evening/night/whatever and I'll check in again when I (hopefully) have something more interesting to say. Or when I've made something cool in GIMP that I feel the overwhelming need to share. 'Cause that's very possible too.

*deep breath*

//Teach me your ways of perfection with Trager. Seriously, you are freaking canon perfection that I just can't even think to achieve.

So that was a good message to come home to.

(Richard Trager from Outlast is one of my RP accounts. Apparently I play him pretty well.)

In other news, I still kind of want to hurl myself down a flight of stairs and I'll tell you why: I have two tests tomorrow. One I'm not too worried over and one that I don't want to be worried over but I still kind of am to the point of physical illness and anxiety. So that's been very, very fun to deal with. Couple of upsides, though, 1) it's giving me a lot of very violent thoughts and emotions, which turned out to be great for the plot line of a book I'd been thinking of starting and 2) I found a wonderful resource called Khan Academy and that's been super helpful.

I'm not sure how well I'll sleep tonight but I know I'll be up for a while going back over things and probably taking the practice test again. There's not much I can do about it now except study, go slow, (at least) double check, and try not to get over-stressed. I really do need to be more engaged - things really aren't that difficult if I actually learn them, like the noun declensions in Latin.

Math is formulaic and so is chemistry (and so is Latin, really). Learn the formulas, plug and play, not that hard. That's a very simple lesson that I seem to need to learn over and over. A little work. I'm smart (and this might sound very conceited but I swear I do not mean it that way) so I really don't have to work that hard for my grades. But I can't just coast by on common sense like I used to and as annoying as that is, it's still not as stressful as it is for some people.

So that was my 'moment' for right now. I really need to learn to just be okay with how things turn out as long as I put some degree of effort in. I think I'd be a lot less prone to thinking about carving the Latin endings into my leg* if I could just do that.

Anyway. I'm going to go try to hammer things into my head. I hope everyone has a good day (or at least one that doesn't suck) and I will check in here later on.

(*This was a legitimate thought I had earlier. My mind on anxiety is not a fun place to be.)