Just posted...have to post again...

I want to go the Night of Writing Dangerously so much this year that it's causing me physical pain and several tears. I'm almost crying right now... That's probably not healthy. But it looks so fun...such an adventure.

I really just had to post to get that out. We'll be in a lot of chaos with the move coming up and unless I drag my mother along (which I couldn't/wouldn't do because she doesn't fly) I'd have to go by myself. All the way to San Fransisco. When I've never travelled before. Granted, there are people around here and I could probably find someone to go with but I know they'd all worry.

It's probably stupid to want to go so badly...but I can't really explain why it seems to mean so much. I think it might be that the news came down today, when I've already been kind of sensitive. My birthday's next month. I'm not sure why that's such a big deal but something about that fact has been on my mind for the last few hours. We have a good day planned, I have gifts to beg for and all in all I think it'll be fun. So why do I feel almost afraid?