Things I Want + A Thought or Two

First order of business: Things I want and will probably buy at some point. Because I am a geek. And we all know it.

-- This phone case

Why? Because it's Dead Space and I forgot how much I loved that game/series. Yeah, it's kinda run-and-gun and all that, but the world it's set in is just so interesting~

-- This dog-tag

Why? See above reason ^

-- And... all of the tie-in Dead Space novels

Pretty much just because I forget how much the whole story kinda rocked my world.

But that isn't the main point here. The main point of this post is not a short list of stuff I might buy once I have the funds for it (and after I buy my cosplay stuff), nor is it the next part, which will be a short segment on the goodness that it Chris Baty's updated and revised version of No Plot? No Problem! No, the point is what comes ofter that, which I think is an important thing to consider. For right now though, I give you a minor creative revelation:

I wasn't too sure about No Plot? No Problem! going in, but honestly, I'm 105 pages in right now and I am feeling a lot better about the creative process as a whole. Like, I'm not even sure why but it seems more accessible now, like ti used to. I used to just jump in all the time and have fun figuring things out as I went. More often than not, I would wind up with something at least half-way decent at the end of it. But then I kind of fell into the same trap that most people do when they start to get older (he says from his comfortable 22-year-old spot on the chronological map) - I started to worry about competence.

Now, don't get me wrong, I get that competence is a very good thing and that there are places where flinging five feet, three inches of screaming hot Stop It at any issue that may decide to raise its horned and feathered head would be a great way to go. The thing is, what about all those other times? There are some places where wanting to appear professional and like you're always in control (or even like you have any clue at all about what you're doing) can really drag you down.

It turns out that for me - and probably for most people in some way or another - 'anything creative' is one of those situations. In fact, for creative types, it's usually 'Situation One'.

So, that's the mindset: Just write. Worry later. (I was going to say 'No Rules, Just Write', but that's also kind of an Outback Steakhouse slogan and I'm a vegetarian so... yeah.)

But that's also not my point.

My point is this: God does not make mistakes.

Now, anyone who knows me well knows that I am a Christian but that I am a liberal Christian (which basically means that I'm very likely to defend God and gay rights in the same breath) and I have some trouble with lot of people out there in the big, bad world because of this little phrase.

But here's my take on it, and I like to think it's a simple take: God does not make mistakes, and that means that I am as I am intentionally.

Just to walk you through the current list (I say 'current' because I'm still sort of figuring a few things out), I am: asexual (does not experience sexual attraction to any gender), polyromantic (experiences romantic attraction to multiple, but not all, genders), genderqueer (umbrella term: used for someone who identifies as a neither, both, or a combination of male and female genders), likely transmasculine (someone who was assigned female at birth but identifies as more male than female), and possibly polyamorous (the state of having (or the ability to have) multiple committed relationships with many people at the same time, with full knowledge and consent of all involved) .

And all this weirdness (at least weirdness from a societal standpoint) is okay. Why? Because it's honest and it's not hurting anyone. And part of the reason I feel the way I do about this whole thing is that I am also a writer and more than that, I am a writer who enjoys writing about people like them, especially Christian people like them (though I'm generally not someone who enjoys very heavy religions themes in books, so it may not come up explicitly). And I find this level of deep support for who a person is at their deepest level to be severely lacking on many levels. The idea that queer Christians (to use a blanket term for a very diverse community) exist and are happy and supported should not be a revolutionary thing ever. A God who loves his children just as they are, with all of our shortcomings and weaknesses and general strangeness - none of which is a surprise to Him, mind - is not some kind of revolutionary idea. From Sunday School up, you are taught that God is love. I wish more people would set their signs down and believe that. This whole message would not carry nearly the same weight if I was a straight, cisgender female. So... here I am.

But that is just my opinion. And so I'm going to move on, move forward, and try to live honestly, even though it's difficult, especially when you take the larger society into account with any sort of frequency. Just pay attention to that little voice - the one that tends to let you know if you're screwing something up, like a gut reaction to a bad decision. And, basically, unless it's illegal, immoral, or fattening, I'm just going to worry about much. Worrying makes me doubt things and doubting things makes me unhappy and why would I do anything that made me unhappy? I'll do enough actual work to pay my bills and whatnot but aside from actual 'survival costs' like that, I'm just gonna be me and see what happens.

Because, damn it, I'm interesting. And I've got a lot to say.

Okay. So that was odd, what just happened, and probably a bit too personal but hey, it's my blog. As for the immediate future, I think I'm going to go get something to eat, watch an episode of Sherlock with Mom, and then maybe attempt my old method of jumping into the creative ocean face first again. It's been way too long since I've gotten a sinus cavity full of freezing cold creativity.

Until later, then. I hope you all have a great day.