First order of business: Things I want and will probably buy at some point. Because I am a geek. And we all know it.
-- This phone case
Why? Because it's Dead Space and I forgot how much I loved that game/series. Yeah, it's kinda run-and-gun and all that, but the world it's set in is just so interesting~
-- This dog-tag
Why? See above reason ^
-- And... all of the tie-in Dead Space novels
Pretty much just because I forget how much the whole story kinda rocked my world.
But that isn't the main point here. The main point of this post is not a short list of stuff I might buy once I have the funds for it (and after I buy my cosplay stuff), nor is it the next part, which will be a short segment on the goodness that it Chris Baty's updated and revised version of No Plot? No Problem! No, the point is what comes ofter that, which I think is an important thing to consider. For right now though, I give you a minor creative revelation:
I wasn't too sure about No Plot? No Problem! going in, but honestly, I'm 105 pages in right now and I am feeling a lot better about the creative process as a whole. Like, I'm not even sure why but it seems more accessible now, like ti used to. I used to just jump in all the time and have fun figuring things out as I went. More often than not, I would wind up with something at least half-way decent at the end of it. But then I kind of fell into the same trap that most people do when they start to get older (he says from his comfortable 22-year-old spot on the chronological map) - I started to worry about competence.
Now, don't get me wrong, I get that competence is a very good thing and that there are places where flinging five feet, three inches of screaming hot Stop It at any issue that may decide to raise its horned and feathered head would be a great way to go. The thing is, what about all those other times? There are some places where wanting to appear professional and like you're always in control (or even like you have any clue at all about what you're doing) can really drag you down.
It turns out that for me - and probably for most people in some way or another - 'anything creative' is one of those situations. In fact, for creative types, it's usually 'Situation One'.
So, that's the mindset: Just write. Worry later. (I was going to say 'No Rules, Just Write', but that's also kind of an Outback Steakhouse slogan and I'm a vegetarian so... yeah.)
But that's also not my point.
My point is this: God does not make mistakes.
Now, anyone who knows me well knows that I am a Christian but that I am a liberal Christian (which basically means that I'm very likely to defend God and gay rights in the same breath) and I have some trouble with lot of people out there in the big, bad world because of this little phrase.
But here's my take on it, and I like to think it's a simple take: God does not make mistakes, and that means that I am as I am intentionally.
Just to walk you through the current list (I say 'current' because I'm still sort of figuring a few things out), I am: asexual (does not experience sexual attraction to any gender), polyromantic (experiences romantic attraction to multiple, but not all, genders), genderqueer (umbrella term: used for someone who identifies as a neither, both, or a combination of male and female genders), likely transmasculine (someone who was assigned female at birth but identifies as more male than female), and possibly polyamorous (the state of having (or the ability to have) multiple committed relationships with many people at the same time, with full knowledge and consent of all involved) .
And all this weirdness (at least weirdness from a societal standpoint) is okay. Why? Because it's honest and it's not hurting anyone. And part of the reason I feel the way I do about this whole thing is that I am also a writer and more than that, I am a writer who enjoys writing about people like them, especially Christian people like them (though I'm generally not someone who enjoys very heavy religions themes in books, so it may not come up explicitly). And I find this level of deep support for who a person is at their deepest level to be severely lacking on many levels. The idea that queer Christians (to use a blanket term for a very diverse community) exist and are happy and supported should not be a revolutionary thing ever. A God who loves his children just as they are, with all of our shortcomings and weaknesses and general strangeness - none of which is a surprise to Him, mind - is not some kind of revolutionary idea. From Sunday School up, you are taught that God is love. I wish more people would set their signs down and believe that. This whole message would not carry nearly the same weight if I was a straight, cisgender female. So... here I am.
But that is just my opinion. And so I'm going to move on, move forward, and try to live honestly, even though it's difficult, especially when you take the larger society into account with any sort of frequency. Just pay attention to that little voice - the one that tends to let you know if you're screwing something up, like a gut reaction to a bad decision. And, basically, unless it's illegal, immoral, or fattening, I'm just going to worry about much. Worrying makes me doubt things and doubting things makes me unhappy and why would I do anything that made me unhappy? I'll do enough actual work to pay my bills and whatnot but aside from actual 'survival costs' like that, I'm just gonna be me and see what happens.
Because, damn it, I'm interesting. And I've got a lot to say.
Okay. So that was odd, what just happened, and probably a bit too personal but hey, it's my blog. As for the immediate future, I think I'm going to go get something to eat, watch an episode of Sherlock with Mom, and then maybe attempt my old method of jumping into the creative ocean face first again. It's been way too long since I've gotten a sinus cavity full of freezing cold creativity.
Until later, then. I hope you all have a great day.
29.3.15
5.3.15
The Days After a Long Trip
are always really weird.
Okay. So. Here we go with the wrap-up.
I left from my house to drive (well, ride, technically since Mom was driving) an hour to a bigger city where we could then catch the train for about an hour and a half to Seattle. They recently redid King Street Station with a lot of detail:
That's part of the ceiling.
I know, right?
I killed the time which was not spent gawking at the impressive detail work of the Mad Fretworker of Seattle by reading this charming little thing:
which ends on a very unexpected note, which I will not spoil here. I can only say this: Impulsive, dumb gay vampires. This series is full of them. And I love it.
Anywho, we sat there on these cool-looking but hella uncomfortable benches for a while until our train pulled in, at which point we were required to lift about 20 pounds of luggage (mine being split unevenly between a backpack and an overnight bag) and shag our asses up these twisty, narrow little stairs (up two and turn, up four and turn, up three and turn) into this passage that wants to be a hallway when it grows up.
Thankfully, this did not result in injury and hence did not result in a lawsuit, which meant that the trip could continue uninterrupted.
Our car attendant on the trip up was a distinctly average-looking man who made a career out of doing the bare minimum of work required to keep his job. In spite of this, the trip was fairly pleasant so long as one could ignore the frigid temperatures and the fact that the heat in our room was less of a 'heater' and more of a decorative plate which at times felt warmer than the air in the car only by virtue of the fact that it was sitting directly in the sun for most of the day.
This was taken from Minot, ND. As you can see, Minot is scenically located on the rim of the Ninth Circle.
Arctic conditions aside, all was pretty quiet on the ride up. Union Station at rush hour, on the other hand - not so calm as a private sleeper car on a three-day train trip.
Luckily, the people we stayed with (who we now all consider to be family - seriously, we all kind of fit together like puzzle pieces) are beyond awesome and they have a super-cute dog:
I dare you to look at that picture and not smile, even a little bit.
Now... a lot happened over this trip but I'll try to break it down a little more so I don't get all confused. One of the first things that happened was Shedd Aquarium:
And a whole bunch of other awesome stuff. Because that place is huge. Like 'five hours spent in there' huge.
Really, we went a lot of amazing places. The whole trip is kind of a blur but I distinctly remember an antique store (where I found the Anne Rice Vampire Chronicles book Blood and Gold), two bookstores - Half Price Books and Unabridged Books - where I found more Anne Rice, a Stephen King book, a bunch of stuff I've been wanting to read and even a couple proper quitter strips, and then a place called The Alley (where I found this stuff):
all of which are awesome. The shirt says 'Keep Calm and Kill Zombies'. I mean, come on. A good binder, that shirt, some like cargo pants, maybe some boots, and basically this hair and makeup thing:
essentially equals 'my current aesthetic'.
And all of that is to say nothing of the food. The food was pretty much amazing across the board. Like, look at this thing:
Just look at that. Yep.
The whole trip was like... really surreal in a weird way. Like, one of the things you have to know about me is that I don't do a lot of things. I don't talk to checkers in stores or really even go through lines myself. I don't often order my own food. I don't stay off-line for days on end to go walking around a huge city in the gently falling snow and visit bookstores with Darling, her family, and my mom.
But I did all of that. Easily. It was even fun.
I don't even know.
But I'm trying to hold onto that feeling I had in that city. It was something like endless creativity marked by this odd sense of calm. I liked that feeling. That feeling was like being able to handle things. I like being able to handle things.
So, this post has taken me way too long to complete and it's going up before I go to bed regardless so... Tomorrow. Tomorrow will probably be spent reading and writing a bit, which is quite possibly the best way to spend a day.
For right now though, it's getting late and I have to be up at a reasonable time to go hang out with my grandparents so, I'm going to wrap this up and go try to sleep.
Good night, and I hope you all have a really great day~
Okay. So. Here we go with the wrap-up.
I left from my house to drive (well, ride, technically since Mom was driving) an hour to a bigger city where we could then catch the train for about an hour and a half to Seattle. They recently redid King Street Station with a lot of detail:
That's part of the ceiling.
I know, right?
I killed the time which was not spent gawking at the impressive detail work of the Mad Fretworker of Seattle by reading this charming little thing:
which ends on a very unexpected note, which I will not spoil here. I can only say this: Impulsive, dumb gay vampires. This series is full of them. And I love it.
Anywho, we sat there on these cool-looking but hella uncomfortable benches for a while until our train pulled in, at which point we were required to lift about 20 pounds of luggage (mine being split unevenly between a backpack and an overnight bag) and shag our asses up these twisty, narrow little stairs (up two and turn, up four and turn, up three and turn) into this passage that wants to be a hallway when it grows up.
Thankfully, this did not result in injury and hence did not result in a lawsuit, which meant that the trip could continue uninterrupted.
Our car attendant on the trip up was a distinctly average-looking man who made a career out of doing the bare minimum of work required to keep his job. In spite of this, the trip was fairly pleasant so long as one could ignore the frigid temperatures and the fact that the heat in our room was less of a 'heater' and more of a decorative plate which at times felt warmer than the air in the car only by virtue of the fact that it was sitting directly in the sun for most of the day.
This was taken from Minot, ND. As you can see, Minot is scenically located on the rim of the Ninth Circle.
Arctic conditions aside, all was pretty quiet on the ride up. Union Station at rush hour, on the other hand - not so calm as a private sleeper car on a three-day train trip.
Luckily, the people we stayed with (who we now all consider to be family - seriously, we all kind of fit together like puzzle pieces) are beyond awesome and they have a super-cute dog:
I dare you to look at that picture and not smile, even a little bit.
Now... a lot happened over this trip but I'll try to break it down a little more so I don't get all confused. One of the first things that happened was Shedd Aquarium:
And a whole bunch of other awesome stuff. Because that place is huge. Like 'five hours spent in there' huge.
Really, we went a lot of amazing places. The whole trip is kind of a blur but I distinctly remember an antique store (where I found the Anne Rice Vampire Chronicles book Blood and Gold), two bookstores - Half Price Books and Unabridged Books - where I found more Anne Rice, a Stephen King book, a bunch of stuff I've been wanting to read and even a couple proper quitter strips, and then a place called The Alley (where I found this stuff):
all of which are awesome. The shirt says 'Keep Calm and Kill Zombies'. I mean, come on. A good binder, that shirt, some like cargo pants, maybe some boots, and basically this hair and makeup thing:
essentially equals 'my current aesthetic'.
And all of that is to say nothing of the food. The food was pretty much amazing across the board. Like, look at this thing:
Just look at that. Yep.
The whole trip was like... really surreal in a weird way. Like, one of the things you have to know about me is that I don't do a lot of things. I don't talk to checkers in stores or really even go through lines myself. I don't often order my own food. I don't stay off-line for days on end to go walking around a huge city in the gently falling snow and visit bookstores with Darling, her family, and my mom.
But I did all of that. Easily. It was even fun.
I don't even know.
But I'm trying to hold onto that feeling I had in that city. It was something like endless creativity marked by this odd sense of calm. I liked that feeling. That feeling was like being able to handle things. I like being able to handle things.
So, this post has taken me way too long to complete and it's going up before I go to bed regardless so... Tomorrow. Tomorrow will probably be spent reading and writing a bit, which is quite possibly the best way to spend a day.
For right now though, it's getting late and I have to be up at a reasonable time to go hang out with my grandparents so, I'm going to wrap this up and go try to sleep.
Good night, and I hope you all have a really great day~
4.3.15
The Dangers of Many Things
Namely, the dangers of staying up late, the dangers of writing, and the dangers of reading.
Which, upon closer inspection, sound like a series. Like 'And next on my list is Rabbit Hart's 'The Dangers of Many Things' series. I have the first three books here - The Dangers of Staying up Late, The Dangers of Writing, and The Dangers of Reading.'
Anyway.
First order of business: I have found a site I truly love. And it is this site [right here].
(For those of you who don't want to click that, it goes to a site called the Book Depository, which is great and you should go there. That place makes me feel like I need to set aside a 'book budget' each month just for this place. It is a beautiful thing.)
Secondly, I am planning.
I realize that I plan a lot and not much seems to come of it most times but I feel like being serious for a while here.
I am planning on using Camp NaNoWriMo (in July) to revamp a story of mine that I'm still a bit in love with but that I hadn't really gotten around to, you know, fixing. And I'm like unusually focused about this right now. I even bought a book (which I'd kind of been wanting to read for a while, honestly) off of a gift card just so I could write the main relationship correctly.
You know, it's weird: that trip to Chicago really kinda shook things up. (A longer post about that trip is coming, by the by, I just haven't finished it yet.) I guess it might have made me realize that A) there's way more to life than just this little logging town and the comfortable rut Mom and I were essentially living in, at least mentally, and B) a lot of my productivity is tied to how much I'm reading. As soon as I finish a book, I want to do two things - pick up another one, and go write one myself.
So.
I'm going to hang out for a little bit longer. Maybe finish reading Marley & Me. Tomorrow will probably be spent figuring out just what the hell I mean to do exactly, watching The Venture Bros., making awesome food for dinner, and writing things.
I'm oddly happy about that simple prospect.
Which, upon closer inspection, sound like a series. Like 'And next on my list is Rabbit Hart's 'The Dangers of Many Things' series. I have the first three books here - The Dangers of Staying up Late, The Dangers of Writing, and The Dangers of Reading.'
Anyway.
First order of business: I have found a site I truly love. And it is this site [right here].
(For those of you who don't want to click that, it goes to a site called the Book Depository, which is great and you should go there. That place makes me feel like I need to set aside a 'book budget' each month just for this place. It is a beautiful thing.)
Secondly, I am planning.
I realize that I plan a lot and not much seems to come of it most times but I feel like being serious for a while here.
I am planning on using Camp NaNoWriMo (in July) to revamp a story of mine that I'm still a bit in love with but that I hadn't really gotten around to, you know, fixing. And I'm like unusually focused about this right now. I even bought a book (which I'd kind of been wanting to read for a while, honestly) off of a gift card just so I could write the main relationship correctly.
You know, it's weird: that trip to Chicago really kinda shook things up. (A longer post about that trip is coming, by the by, I just haven't finished it yet.) I guess it might have made me realize that A) there's way more to life than just this little logging town and the comfortable rut Mom and I were essentially living in, at least mentally, and B) a lot of my productivity is tied to how much I'm reading. As soon as I finish a book, I want to do two things - pick up another one, and go write one myself.
So.
I'm going to hang out for a little bit longer. Maybe finish reading Marley & Me. Tomorrow will probably be spent figuring out just what the hell I mean to do exactly, watching The Venture Bros., making awesome food for dinner, and writing things.
I'm oddly happy about that simple prospect.
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