This thing is a chart. A chart which I fit about 95% of.
I'm unsure how to feel about this aside from vaguely relieved that all my strangeness does in fact have a reason.
Here's what the chart says, for those of you who don't want to/can't open it. I realize this is probably way outdated since it's for Asperger's which I believe was consolidated into the more general ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) as of the DSM V but still, I put the things which sound like me in italics.
Appearance/Personal Habits
- Dresses comfortably due to sensory issues and practicality.
- Will not spend much time on grooming and hair. Hairstyles usually have to be 'wash and wear'. Can be quite happy not grooming at all at times.
- Eccentric personality; may be reflected in appearance.
- Is youthful for her age, in looks, dress, behavior, and tastes.
- Usually a little more expressive in face and gesture than her male counterpart.
- May have many androgynous traits despite an outwardly feminine appearance. Thinks of herself as half-male/half-female (well-balanced anima/animus)
- May not have a strong sense of identity. Can be very chameleon-like, especially before diagnosis.
- Enjoys reading and films as a retreat, often sci-fi, fantasy, children's. Can have favorites which are a refuge.
- Uses control as a stress management technique, rules, discipline, rigid in certain habits, which will contradict her seeming unconventionality.
- Usually happiest at home or in other controlled environments.
Intellectual/giftedness/education/vocation
- May have been diagnosed as autistic or Asperger's when young, or may have been thought of as gifted, shy, sensitive, etc. May also have had obvious or severe learning deficits.
- Often musical, artistic
- May have a savant skill or strong talent/s
- May have a strong interest in computers, games, science, graphic design, inventing, things of a technological and visual nature. More verbal thinkers may gravitate toward writing, languages, culture studies, psychology.
- May be a self-taught reader, been hyperlexic as a child, and will possess a wide variety of other self-taught skills as well.
- May be highly educated but will have had to struggle with the social aspects of college. May have one or many partial degrees.
- Can be very passionate about a course of study or job, and then change direction or go completely cold on it very quickly.
- Will often have trouble holding a job and may find employment daunting.
- Highly intelligent but can be slow to comprehend due to sensory and cognitive processing issues.
- Will not do well with verbal instructions - needs to write down or draw diagram.
- Will have obsessions but they are not as unusual as her male counterpart (less likely to be a 'train-spotter').
Emotional/Physical
- Emotionally immature and emotionally sensitive
- Anxiety and fear are predominate emotions
- More open to talking about feelings and emotional issues than males with AS
- Strong sensory issues - sounds, sights, smells, touch - and prone to overload. (Less likely to have taste/food texture issues than males)
- Moody and prone to bouts of depression. May have been diagnosed as bi-polar or manic depressive (common comorbid of autism/AS) while the AS diagnosis was missed.
- Probably given several different prescriptions to treat symptoms. Will be very sensitive to medications and anything else she puts in her body so may have had adverse reactions.
- 9 out of 10 have mild to severe Gastro-intestinal difficulties - e.g. ulcers, acid reflux, IBS, etc.
- Stims to sooth when sad or agitated: rocking, face-rubbing, humming, finger flicking, leg bouncing, finger or foot tapping.
- Similarly physical when happy: hand flapping, clapping, singing, jumping, running around, dancing, bouncing.
- Prone to temper or crying meltdowns, even in public, sometimes over seemingly small things due to sensory or emotional overload.
- Hates injustice and hates to be misunderstood - this can incite anger and rage.
- Prone to mutism when stressed or upset, esp. after a meltdown. Less likely to stutter than male counterparts, but may have a raspy voice, monotone at times, when stressed or sad.
Social/Relationships
- Words and actions are often misunderstood by others.
- Perceived to be cold-natured and self-centered; unfriendly.
- Is very outspoken at times, may get fired up when talking about passions/obsessive interests.
- Can be very shy or mute.
- Like her male counterpart, will shut down in social situations once overloaded but is generally better at socializing in small doses. May even give the appearance of skilled, but it is a 'performance'.
- Doesn't go out much. Will prefer to go out with partner only or children if she has them.
- Will not have many girlfriends and will not do 'girly' things like shopping with them or have get-togethers to 'hang out'.
- Will have a close friend or friends in school, but not once adulthood is reached. (This is actually backwards for me.)
- May or may not want to have a relationship. If she is in a relationship, she probably takes it very seriously but she may choose to remain celibate or alone.
- Due to sensory issues, will either really enjoy sex or strongly dislike it.
- If she likes a male, she can be extremely, noticeably awkward in her attempts to let him know, e.g. she may stare when she sees him, or call him repeatedly. This is because she fixates and doesn't understand societal gender roles. This will change with maturity. (I have some issues with the way this one is handled/phrased but I can't quite articulate why...)
- Often prefers the company of animals but not always due to sensory issues.
I was trying to think if I had any other self-taught skills but I guess typing, painting, some graphic design-esque things (like making book covers) could count toward that.
Also, as something that's only loosely tied to this, here's a partial list of characters I headcanon as Autistic:
- Barnaby Brooks Jr. (Tiger and Bunny)
It's a lot of small things with him, really. Like this from the team: "Barnaby's current ability to fake friendly looks and behaviour is the result of much work — as a teenager he was practically expressionless".
Essentially, how he is now is the result of what basically amounts to a lot of scripting.
His habit of picking pickles off of things could just be a general dislike of them or it could also be the result of sensory issues. (Sometimes they squeak off of my teeth when I do eat them and that makes me kind of... crawly.)
There's also the apparent lack of social skills when he's not doing something that he might have a mental script for (like in an interview), and the fixation on opera, which could be seen as a special interest depending on your reading.
The general reading of things like his fainting in episode 19 is a comorbid anxiety disorder/panic disorder along with PTSD, which was shown fairly clearly in previous episodes, with the most obvious symptom being nightmares and flashbacks. I have absolutely no issue with this reading at all - I think it's likely accurate, but it's interesting to me to look at the same scene with the idea that it also could have been a meltdown.
Meltdowns present a little differently in everyone but they can often look like a severe panic episode - crying, shaking, shortness of breath, racing heartbeat, general weakness/inability to force movement, etc.
(I also headcanon him as asexual, but that's a separate thing.)
A couple others on this list are:
- Randy Ryo MacLean (FAKE)
- Joseph Oda (The Evil Within)
- Touko Fukawa (Dangan Ronpa)
Speaking of Touko, I kinda want to buy this. I'd still need her glasses and school uniform, though. Still, it's cheaper than a Barnaby Brooks Jr. cosplay.
That was kind of rambling but yeah, that's about there things are right now.
I had a mild meltdown just a little while earlier and... yeah, that was not fun. I pulled through it though. That's something to be glad about. I haven't actually been able to do that in a while. It's kinda awkward all around though since I'm in that stage where I'm feeling better but I A) don't want to move too fast in case I scare the 'okay-ness' off and B) don't feel like it 'should' by over yet so I'm not sure how to act.
I think I'll go get something to eat (since my stomach is actually growling... pretty loudly) and then maybe go curl up and watch something on Netflix.
Yeah. That seems like a decent plan.
